TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for Real World and Road Rules Challenge

The Ruins: Two Hits - Me Hitting You, You Hitting the Floor

Hola, Gasmii! For all of you who were kind enough to share the origin of why Johnny Bananas is called Johnny Bananas in last week's comments, I thank you. And curse you, just a little bit. It's yet another image I will have to have surgically scraped from my frontal lobe.

Speaking of douchebags, I was walking on Madison Avenue and 53rd Street on Friday afternoon and, I kid you not, walked right past Kenny and Evan! It took me a few solid seconds to figure out how I knew them and I was momentarily insulted that they didn't stop and say hello to me. Then I realized who they were and burst out laughing. For the record, Evan is wide and hunchy and Kenny is much taller and much bigger than he appears on television.

He still sucks, though.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The Ruins: You're "Costing" Us The "Game"

Apologies for the delays, Gasmii. I was working on my "A game" and "visualizing" my recap and perfecting my "air quotes". And trying to scrape my brain to eliminate this image:

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Posted by TinyElvis at 3:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

The Ruins: Why Be Just Critical When You Can Be Hypocritical?

With Wus finally gone, I was hoping the Champions would get their act together and finally force the goons to prove themselves in the Ruins but no such luck. Fortunately, and sorry to ruin the suspense, most of the scapegoats will be gone by the end of this episode and some of these guys are going to have to step up. Dare I dream?

I think if I sit here long enough I can totally feel the hair growing back in this spot.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 3:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

The Ruins: The Best Laid Plans . . . Don't Always Get You Laid

Sadly, it looks like exchanging sex for votes is failing miserably in Phuket, Thailand. And it also looks like we're going to have to listen to at least 42 minutes of the Cohutta - Kellyanne - Wus - Johanna love trapezoid. I'm over it. If any one of the four is the focus of any other episode - except the episode where they injure themselves in a challenge or where one of them beats the other with a baseball bat - I quit. And I mean it.

Left nipple. Right nipple. Oh phew. They're both here.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 3:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

The Ruins: Is That A Plunger in Your Bed or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

MTV owed us since we suffered through last week's total snoozer of an episode and I'm happy to say that they delivered. There was drunk-yelling, plunger-beating, head-smacking, trash-talking and even fly-eating. Another popped boob implant and I would have nominated this one for an Emmy.

And maybe Ibis will invite us to whatever party she keeps getting dressed for.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

The Ruins: All Proceeds From This Recap are Being Donated to Charity

Sincerest apologies for the delay! I've been sidelined with an evil virus that not only resulted in this very tardy recap (clearly of the highest priority) but also had me calling in sick on the second and third day of my brand new job. Clearly, I am allergic to employment and am in the process of convincing the government that this qualifies as a disability. I'll let you know how that goes. But speaking of disabilities, let's see what our favorite team of mentally-challenged monkeys are up to. Shall we?

You can't stop me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)

The Ruins: You're Such a Boob

Previously on The Ruins: Wombat was a drunk, Wus was a maniac and Kellyanne was a slut and a whore. I think that pretty much covers it. Oh, wait, and Evan was an ass.

A gentle reminder.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 2:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

The Ruins: It's A Wes Thing

Welcome back my Real Worlding and Road Ruling Gasmii! Here's this week's recap: Twenty eight cast members from previous seasons of the Real World and Road Rules contaminate Phuket, Thailand and compete in the newest Real World/Road Rules Challenge/Clusterfuck. Landon is not one of the cast members. The End.

Seriously, MTV. I'm far too old to be watching this crap and would appreciate a little eye candy. Shauvon's boobs can keep me interested for only so long and from the sneak peek of things to come, I don't think they're long for this world. So sit back, get your spreadsheet to keep track of who gave chlamydia to whom, and enjoy.

Herein lies patient zero.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (25)

Real Word/Road Rules Challenge: I Definitely Digged

Maria Menounos is given the task of getting to the bottom the Duel 2. Unfortunately, she spends more time talking about things that didn't happen on the show and about people who aren't at the reunion. I sat through it anyway (a decent amount of Landon face time didn't hurt) to bring you all the dirt. Except it's more like dust. Not much happened kids. I'm just warning you now.

Am I really doing this?

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Posted by TinyElvis at 4:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Nice Guys Finish Last. And the Pretty Ones Don't Finish at All.

****Please welcome back TinyElvis with The Duel Finale!! The reunion will be up shortly.

Previously on the Duel: Those of you expecting a competition were sadly disappointed when all you got was a Dr. Phil episode. Tori and Brad got un-engaged, re-engaged and, just when you thought you might never see any physical activity again, they both ended up in the duel.