On The Ropes

bethcackleCall me crazy, but I've come to realize something: I'm entirely way too into this season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Some people have accused The Gauntlet 2 of being slow or predictable, but I'm still a bit hooked. I would say it's the non-stop bickering, but I think it's more than that. In fact, as much as I hate to say it, I think there might be one person to at the heart of it: Beth. I know, I know. Beth. Osama Beth Laden. Truth is that Beth always seems to be gone after two or three episodes, so we really haven't been able to revel in her awful-ness. As such, she's never truly been as hate-able as Veronica, as idiotic as Tina, as bitchy as Coral, or as self-important as Rachel, but for once, with all those girls no-shows this season, Beth has the villain spotlight all to herself, and she's taking full advantage. I don't know what's more enjoyable: witnessing her sadistic rule as team captain or watching the Veterans grumble and sneer under her tyranny. Either way, it's solid escapism.

Now, before I write anymore, I have a confession for all you Alton fans out there (and I know there are many). On Monday morning, I actually had the opportunity to meet him, but I opted to sleep instead. I know, this is sacrilege to many of you -- how could I pass up the opportunity to take a photo of ALTON?!?!? Well, I got home at like 5:00 AM and would have to wake up at 8:30 AM and yada yada yada, no Alton/TVgasm love. By the way, anyone who saw Tuesday's Reality Remix, might have noticed that Alton's "cartwheel of rage," a term we coined as a joke, actually surfaced on the air. Kennedy happened to interview Alton, and the very first question out of the gate: "So you did -- maybe you're most famous for the cartwheel of rage during a challenge. You did a cartwheel of rage when you didn't like a call!!" We're starting trends, people.

Anyway, enough babbling. Let's talk about Monday's show. So the episode began with Jillian talking to Cara and Suzie, a.k.a. Team Pariah. For those of you who missed last week's episode, a scandal erupted when Jillian gossiped that Cara and Suzie were intending to ally with Brad, David, and Timmy (on the opposing Veteran team) to create some axis of evil that would throw missions to further their cause. Who knows if it was true -- something tells me this was just a giant game of Telephone. Anyway, now Jillian wanted to tell Cara and Suzie that it was she who had blabbed to Kina and started this whole mess. And that's about as far as I could get before I was totally confused by the situation.

Yes, two seconds into the episode, and I was already completely lost. I mean, there were some things I could understand, like when Suzie told Jillian, "But why do you say 'you guys' when you were there and you were involved." But then my brain was completely stumped by Jillian's response: "Because if I would have said something, it would have looked bad. Rather not say anything at all." So did Jillian just admit that she didn't implicate herself because she wanted to look like the hero? Does that mean that she lied? And who did she not want to look bad for? Anyway, before I could really grasp the crux of this discussion, the girls then found Kina and Ibis and tried to explain to them the situation -- whatever that was. Furthermore, they wanted to call a team meeting to clarify (READ: confuse) the situation more. However, Ibis was not a fan of that.

"If she's gonna say, 'Well, she told us' in front of the whole group, it's gonna really make you look bad," Ibis said, not really making any sense to me. Maybe I'm just on crack. Or maybe the very sound of these people's voices is enough to make my brain rot in real time. Anyway, there was more back and forth, with Ibis now saying that Jillian said that Cara approached Brad about an alliance. Not so fast, girlfriend. Jillian retorted that Cara approached her and Suzie about an offer made by Brad. And to that, Cara asked how could she just ignore this vital information. Should she laugh it all off? If you're confused, don't worry. You're not alone. Maybe if the cameras had ever caught this controversial meeting, we'd be in better shape.

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Comments (50)

Leah3t Author Profile Page:

"supposebly"....ahhh....can we put together a rw/rr dictionary?

I'm sorry montana but you are no petite flower. Beth does not have 20 pounds on you.

Shame on you B-side for sleeping through Alton. Shaaaaame.

derder Author Profile Page:

Brad's rant about feeling "violated" was hillarious. And finally, we get an interesting, difficult challenge.
And yes, Leah3t- I too have wondered why they keep saying Beth weighs more than Montana (Looks pretty even to me). Did anyone notice Kina's little pink ruffled swimming bloomers early on? I haven't seen those since 1983 (except on April, BB6). And yeah, I will admit it, I am sucked in. Beth is thee most annoying reality TV person I can think of (well, not really, but she is up there). However, It's irritating how the editors throw in her little evil "hee hee hee" chuckle when it's obvious she isn't actually doing it.
Excellent re-cap and episode.

BunkitaSarita Author Profile Page:

Just had to say, LOVE the MJ screen shot and caption. I feel that way every time I see his golden boy fro. Uggggg
;>

anonym. Author Profile Page:

all i can say about kina in the picture above is : get that girl a banana, STAT! she looks positively ape-ish.

and what pisses me off about her is that she thinks she's a "strong" competitor because she's captain..news flash: you were in ONE gauntlet where your apponent (cameron) 'surcumbed' and didn't even try to beat you!

and one more thing: thank jesus for beth!

GoldCrayon Author Profile Page:

OMG . . . . Beth = Bitch

Does anyone else think that the Suzie/Cara controversy was made by the producers to boost poor ratings

meagster315 Author Profile Page:

montana= fat whore

oooo jodi and alton hook up next week!!!

anonym. Author Profile Page:

seriously, beth is becoming my favorite character on this show..she's a straight upo bitch and she will tell you what she thinks, father than be sneaky about it. i love that her team hates her and she still manages to piss all of them off.

* b-side, when yu mentioned that "jamie" spoke, i got really mad at myself because i had apparently not known that jamie, the asian girl from san diego, was on.
but apparently it was the 'extreme sports New orleans' hottie turned 'grizzly adams buddhist,' who was making a rare appearance

anonym. Author Profile Page:

**straight up
*rather
*you

i cannot spell a damn thing

jenny10girl Author Profile Page:

Leah3t - I totally agree...there's no way Beth has 20 pounds on Montana...

norrinator Author Profile Page:

You'd think rw/rr challenge would take a hint from Survivor and get a team to test the damn stunts before they do them, to make sure they're even possible.

iluvkobebryant Author Profile Page:

Ok, when the whole conversation with Cara, Suzie, and Jillian was going down, how come I felt like I was the one who was brain dead?? So much confusion. And I used to complain about Veronica and Rachel. At least I could understand the bitches.....

I had to laugh when Aneesa said "Beth is just BEETHH! And "Alton is just mmmmYUMMY AALTTONN!!! I love all that hot fudge... So I choose to forget about the "cartwheel of rage", and his addiction to the word "gnarly".

Also very dissapointed that there was no Syrus rumpshaker this week. Hopefully next week will be a better week.

Keyser Soze Author Profile Page:

We all knew Beth was a bitch, but who knew she could out-bitch my bitches? Like you said, she never made it past episode 2 before.
Agree with the lameness of these challenges though. How about something that doesn't fall apart, or a task that can actually be completed by at least half of the team? Are these producers drinking more than the cast? Why didn't anyone try to sit on their butt and scuttle across the rope sideways? Did they have to stand?
If Beth has 20 lbs on Montana, then they shoulda sent in Anessa, because the 3 of em look the same to me.

Keyser Soze Author Profile Page:

And another thing... doesn't Beth realize that wearing heavy makeup to challenges and gauntlet make her appear ridiculous and seriously mentally ill?

katydydnt Author Profile Page:

Does it look like Beth is planning to throw guys' challenges so that Derrick will end up in the Gauntlet? How can you not get sucked in - this is quality TV!

Ash Author Profile Page:

This show is a "whole lotta" goodness. Seriously, it is great. Beth is just becoming more and more disgusting to me though... she needs to ditch the black semi-circles above her eyes and all those stupid cackling/cat noises she makes. Yuck.
Great recap! (Oh, and YAH, Survivor starts tomorrow!)

derder Author Profile Page:

Ash- Thank God you told us Survivor starts tomorrow. I didn't know, and would have totally missed it. Thank You! Does anyone know when TAR starts? I thought it was Feb as well.

derder Author Profile Page:

I just did a little search- looks like TAR starts Feb 28, for those of you interested.

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race9/

k37744 Author Profile Page:

If Courtney Love and Mabelline had a love child, it would be Beth.

Bless her soul, she's the only reason to watch.

Krizzatch Author Profile Page:

I thought this episode could have been better, but it was pretty satisfying when Derrick told Beth straight up to her face that he wanted Montana to win. I know Beth probably didn't care, but it was still fantastic to hear him say that.

As much as I can't stand any of these people (besides HOT two eye-color David from San Diego) do I continue to watch this show week in and week out? Absofreakinlutely.

djo8901 Author Profile Page:

I love love love picking on Beth just as much as the next person, but I am really getting sad for her. That picture with the recap – does she not look in the mirror???? She needs a make-under like no one else. It is all so wrong – bordering on Tammy Fay Baker territory if someone doesn’t stop her. Courtney Love is even pulling it back together these days. Excuse me while I pen an open letter to Osama Beth Laden Fay Baker.
Dear Beth,
Please buy a mirror with all of your Gauntlet winnings and look in it.
Sincerely,
Djo8901

MrsC Author Profile Page:

anonym = one funny person!

Right on the money about *Ms.Tough Because I am Ms.Cap-e-tan Kina* Can we see her actually do something worthy, please?

And Jamie might be a "Grizzly Adams Buddist" as you mentioned, but he's got even more game now. Buzz is he and Cara hooked up when the cameras were off. And if you believe Katie's blog, she says Suzie joined in.

tvismylife Author Profile Page:

I have to agree with Krizzatch I have always found two eye colored David to be hot as well.

Emily Author Profile Page:

Derek totally looks like he has shower mold on his chin. That was hilarious!

Emily Author Profile Page:

Oh and, anonym, so right on about Kina and the banana!

dxgatt Author Profile Page:

Wait Katie has a blog...What is the URL?

hardly@work Author Profile Page:

montana's verbal jabs at beth sound rehearsed, i think she sat around prior to the gaunlet coming up with 'witty' things to say about beth

kina was just refusing to listen to reason, and I use that word loosely in these wackos, case, she didn't want the rest of the team to hear that cara and susie weren't really up to anything

these challenges suck, i thought last week was hilarious when it fell apart, but really, watching people fall off a rope, yeah thats entertainment

MrsC Author Profile Page:

Oh I am sorry, Katie is writing on Inside Pulse, not a blog: http://www.insidepulse.com/indexNewTopic.php?userid=181

When you read you'll be like, "ok Katie, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel now..."

dxgatt Author Profile Page:

Thanks

ruplub Author Profile Page:

I've been meaning to post this website. It has links to all these ass-clowns personal websites:
http://www.rwrrblog.com/

ashleydia Author Profile Page:

Great re-cap as always! Random thought- the mention of the word "supposebly". Did this make anyone else think of that episode of Friends where Chandler was talking about dumping a girl for saying supposebly? Then, Joey couldn't figure out how you're supposed to say it. Random and pointless I know, but just wondering if anyone knew what I was talking about. :)

sweetjane Author Profile Page:

i hate to be nit-picky, Krizzatch, but hot david is from the seattle season, not san diego.

Pamsey Author Profile Page:

Fantastic and hilarious re-cap B-side, thank you!
I too am enjoying Beth and her antics on the show, just wish Tonya *cough-whore-cough* was on this Gauntlet with her so they could go at it again

hardly@work Author Profile Page:

wow thanks --mrs c. that katie sure is a bundle of fun, i watched susie on overdrive and didn't think what she said was insulting, just that katie acted like an idiot when drunk...
i had no idea she and derrick were such good friends, i just can't picture him sitting still and sober long enough to have one

D-Hoffs Author Profile Page:

Ultimately, Brad dramatically addressed the Vets by stating, "I feel very violated right now. I feel VERY violated right now!" Oh, calm down. Wait until one of your teammates butt-rapes you before you start throwing that word around. (Then again, he did receive an atomic wedgie from The Miz, so he probably does know a thing or two about male-violation.)

lol, love it all - except for Kina ... don't like her ...

Krizzatch Author Profile Page:

sweetjane, you are totally right, my bad. I'm just stunned into "hot-man mode" when I talk or think about him, I just must have had a David moment when I typed up my post.

Seattle it is. Jeebus crips, David is F-I-N-E.

MIA Author Profile Page:

Kina is taking this all a little too seriously. She is starting to scare me. I don't think she is all there.

Beth is disgusting. Does she realize how evil she looks? Does she do that on purpose?

And yeah, what is up with the Captians Choice coming up everytime the damn wheel is spun? Thats no fun, no fun at all.

Great recap btw, I live for these. They are great!

PS I love Derrick. I really do.

tvaholic Author Profile Page:

An ex-coworker of mine used to say "supposebly"...so I had to kill her. Just kidding of course, but I HATE it when people say that! Just like "is is" or "irregardless." Ok, my rants over now.
I have to agree, Beth is pretty much the only entertaining part of the show this year. Derrick was only amusing for so long & I can only take so much of Mark's silverback mating ritual. (And I loved him on his original RR...sigh)
Those who think Dave's a hottie, he is attractive, but didn't is psychotic , suicidal rant against his ex (the RW producer who quit the show in the name of love) kind of ruin it for you?

Ash Author Profile Page:

OH MY GOSH! Look what I saw on MJ's website

"M.J. was selected to Nashville Lifestyle Magazine's 25 Most Beautiful People! The issue hits newstands October 1!"

This must be a joke...

J Unit Author Profile Page:

Saw MJ in a bathroom at a restaurant in Manhattan Beach.

Didn't wash his hands. Just sayin.

heehaw Author Profile Page:

ok, it is established that beth is hated by all the phonies on the show and she is not hot. but who can beat her? she has character and is real. i hope she wins the whole damn thing. ps.derrick is a punk and i hope he gets his ass kicked by syrus. how about something that requires thinking.

Leah3t Author Profile Page:

heehaw- syrus v. derrick just made my day. i would love to see derrick fall to the rump shaker.

j-unit- that does not surprise me. he looks like a non hand washer and a non tooth brusher.

djo8901 Author Profile Page:

...and a non hair brusher.

Krizzatch Author Profile Page:

tvholic, IMO, the love-crazed David only made him that much hotter. Remember when he was screaming: "I LOVE YOU!!" over the phone to her? I can only dream one day he'll scream "I LOVE YOU KRIZZATCH!!" to me. >

Jess Author Profile Page:

"Hostile heights!" HA!

When this recap was first posted, I didn't have the time to read it, so I just scrolled through to see the pics and captions. Imagine my confusion at what seemed like a random invoation of the Guthy-Renker name! Makes much more sense within the context of the recap, but still, I gotta let out a hearty, "HA!!"

Hope I can catch up with these episodes this weekend...I've been slacking on RW/RR while watching Bachelor.

anonym. Author Profile Page:

MrsC- thank you! your compliment just made my night

antebellum Author Profile Page:

I thought I was the only one confused during the squabble over the alliance. None of what they were saying made any sense. Kina's attitude is pretty funny, though. I also loved how she still boasted when the Rookies won, even though she did absolutely nothing to help them win. No one but Alton and Landon won that challenge.

I love David, too. I don't necessarily find him that hot, but he's funny. "So you think you're tough... HEH?" Ah, I have trouble with my onomatopoeias, too, but it was funny.

MJ is disgusting. It blows my mind how he could possibly be voted beautiful, in any category. Except maybe beautiful blonde apes. Hmm.

TinkerbellAPixie Author Profile Page:

I've been studying Beth's face to determine what it is that makes her so disturbing to look at and I've come up with the formula that is her disaster of a face:

1. Over large features
2. Overly red skin
3. Overly used make up
4. Overly sweatie sweat glands
5. Scary black eyebrows

All add up to make something akin to the Leprachaun - eek!

Also, ya'll are scaring me with this love of David, I used to think he was hot back in his season - but now he just looks mildly retarded to me. What happened to this guy?

lars Author Profile Page:

Dear Bohemoth Beth,
It's obvious that you've never heard this but the cardinal rule of makeup application...your face an neck are supposed to be the same color. when your face is looks like raw hife and your neck is like a brand new gym sock theres a problem. have you even seen yourself on tv the past 36 years youve been doing these shows.

your face scares me

lars Author Profile Page:

If Courtney Love and Mabelline had a love child, it would be Beth.

Bless her soul, she's the only reason to watch.

Posted by: k37744

hahaha awesome!!!!!

Fuxy Author Profile Page:

I can't stand Beth, either, but I hate her teammates FAR MORE. Like someone said earlier, at least she's up front about her bitchiness. I hate her makeup and constant sunburn, too. She was whipped mercilessly with the ugly stick. Also, she's, what, 40? Time to freakin' grow up. She just a complete retard.... but I'm pulling for her anyway. I like black sheep. Montana is a c*nt who is just as big as Beth and far more worthless. She was afraid to put her ass on the line, because she knew she was good for nothin'. I'm glad Beth wasted her ass in the last gauntlet. Glad Ruthie went out early, too. This challenge is just boring and suspenseless. I really can't stand Kina. She's really lucked out, I think. I don't think she's done a damn thing to help the team, and she acts so intense about everything. Has anyone noticed how after she does a confessional, she nervously bites her nails? She's a chain smoking nutcase. This challenge is just played out, I think. Ya keep waiting for something to happen, and nothing ever does. I also wonder what these people do for a living where they have the freedom to run off for months at a time to play games and fight with each other.

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