This week on The Island, Robin gets to taste some pizza, Johnny Bananas gets a taste of his own medicine, and oh look, I think Evelyn wants to play baseball with Johnny's head...
Fun!
We open at evening while Kenny is drawing a picture of Derrick and Johnny is telling us that there's not much to do on the island besides attending plays at the "Scallywag Theatre." Scallywag Theatre? I believe a "scallywag" is a deceitful and unreliable scoundrel. And in that case, the only Scallywag Theatre production I've seen so far is The One Man Show, starring Johnny Bananas.
Then the camera cuts to Colie putting on some sort of an odd play where she is on stage lifting someone else's legs up and down and singing a delightful show tune. Aw, cute. They're doing, like, trashy theatre. It's just like when Aubry O'Day came to do Hairspray on Broadway.
Meanwhile all of the challengers watch the trash show and listen intently wishing they could be a part of the big production.
"But I wanted to play Jesus Christ, Pornstar..."
Westward at poolside, Robin and Dan are continuing their dysfunctional relationship, while Johnny and Paula play "maggot sticks." And not in the way you'd assume a game with that name would be played by Johnny. Or his maggot stick.One of the maggot sticks happens to land in Ev's bed, and this angers her. Look out. If there's one thing I learned from sleepaway softball camp it's to never disturb a sleeping lesbian. Oh, and to hide your OREOs at all costs.
Ev comes storming out of the house kicking furniture and holding a telescope like a deadly weapon. Ah, femininity at it's finest. It's like she's dripping with lace and chiffon. Johnny tells her to stick the telescope up her ass and follows it up with his favorite expression, "ya dumb bitch." For the record, this happens to be my least favorite expression. In fact, this expression, coupled with Kenny's artistic abilities from earlier this episode have actually inspired me to draw a photo of my own. This one's especially for you, Johnny Bananas. Straight from the paint feature of my computer:
Love, McSteeny
The next day food is of considerable concern as the challengers are getting sick of rice. Oh please. Those little homeless children Annie was roommates with had to eat cold mush, and they still managed stay happy, clean up after themselves, and even sing a little diddy here and there.
Apparently producers are more sympathetic than me, because an airdrop quickly comes to the rescue to provide more eggs. The airdrop fails to include any meat, so Dunbar tells us he's contemplating suicide. If you're surveying the room for support or opposition here Dumby Bear, consider me a yay. All those in favor?
Well...I guess that settles it.
You ever see a rabid dog walking around; weak and foaming at the mouth and apparently in a state of psychotic destruction? No? Just me? Okay, well I have, and I can tell you that a rabid animal gets this look on its face that puts you into somewhat of a catch twenty-two of thought. On the one hand you think to yourself: heaven forbid someone should feed this animal and give it the strength to do some real damage... it just might kill someone. But by the same token, you're thinking: heaven forbid someone not feed this animal, it might to sink further and further into rabid craziness and it just might kill someone. That's how I feel about whether or not Dunbar should be allowed to eat meat.
The airdrop does include a map, which takes the challengers on a scavenger hunt to collect a bunch of boxes. Johanna leads them by yelling out directions, which they all follow to ultimately find instructions to build the boat, and some rope. Apparently NOT in the box, which might also be useful to these people: a shred of dignity and/or the ability to just get a real effing job already.
Meanwhile Dunbar and the rest of the douchebags ramble on about how the newly dropped eggs are going to be divided up the same way as the meat was- with the guys getting more than the girls. Wait, that is how they've been dividing the meat!? I don't understand. Guys get more food than girls? But Evelyn is twice the size of Cohutta! And that's not all...
What about the two tiny bald men living in KellyAnne's bathing suit top!? Don't the tiny bald men get to eat!?
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Comments (19)
Oh yesssssss!! Thank you, Dr. McSteeny for the awesome recap. Starting with that great title and you brought it all home with the last sentence.
That episode was so awesome I forgot all about the maggot stick (ewwww!) and how those goons thought that buried (for just how long?) meat would be a good to find by themselves. All's I could concentrate on was EV and that not only winning (ahem, against 2 guys) but giving the best speech since Survivor Rat and Snake, and taking dumb bitch Johnny's key. OMG that was awesome!!!
So to answer your question, the answer for me is , "yes", don't know about you but I do have to like EV now till the end. And yeah, that might be till this week's vote off... but I am hoping everyone else can band together and overthrow the family.
1 of 19 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 14, 2008 12:32 PM
Done and done! Hilarious. I think I do have to like Ev now. I certainly respect her now. Johnny is a misogynist.
2 of 19 | Posted by oldmomoftoddlerboys | Posted on October 14, 2008 12:36 PM
loved the recap!
I too cannot follow what T.J. is saying!!!
And please!, that speech by Robin to Dantastic at tribal council was just stupid.
Love Kenny, but I'm afraid he has aligned himself with the wrong guy this time.
3 of 19 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on October 14, 2008 1:03 PM
I loved the G spot caption. I immediately took it one step further and thought...
"No wonder my little penis can't find the g-spot. It's too far away!"
Thanks again for another great recap!
4 of 19 | Posted by hoboscooter | Posted on October 14, 2008 2:59 PM
If Johnny flipping bananas says flipping "dumb bitch" one more time, I hope his miniscule member gets lodged in his mother's throat. Any woman that raised a male that repugnant, vicious, stupid and hateful deserves everything she's going to get.
And bite me. I know this comment was horrendously awful, but there's no excuse for his mother. Did I mention that I HATE bananas?
Ev was really grounded and mature. Loves it!
5 of 19 | Posted by spacevenus | Posted on October 14, 2008 3:16 PM
i remember johnny not being that bad on his season of the real world..now hes this pompous ass and i'm sure everyone including me hates him...ANYWAYS...i remember he won like "hottest male" on that stupid Real World awards show (anyone else remember?)..maybe since he won that he thinks hes hot shit and can be a jerk...?..i used to think he was hot too..now hes fugly to me cause of his attitude, its like you can see all his physical flaws
6 of 19 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on October 14, 2008 4:12 PM
I loved Johnny on Key West - I thought he really looked out for Paula as she was spiraling out of control with the eating disorder & terrible relationship. I have always liked him on the previous challenges too.
I don't know if it's because he thinks he's the alpha male or what, but he has been so horrible on this challenge, it seems like a completely different person.
7 of 19 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on October 14, 2008 7:19 PM
DP Hooker: I too remember those old days of Johnny fondly, thought he was a good guy and a good friend back then. What the hell happened? Fame? Hey, Paula's changed a lot since those days too- she seems healthier, gained some weight, (not just in those implants)and has a hookup every other challenge.
spacevenus: I cannot blame his mother. She must be hiding from the neighbors and calling a priest about right now. I feel sorry for her.
loves2play05: Seriously??! He got "hottest male"?! Who was nominated with him (maybe that would explain the win)?
8 of 19 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 14, 2008 8:53 PM
I wonder if part of the reason he won hottest male was because he seemed like a nice guy (as opposed to that dickbag Danny on Austin, to name one). He didn't seem as full of himself as most of the other guys nominated, at least back then.
9 of 19 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on October 15, 2008 7:11 AM
DP Hooker: You're probably right. OMG Danny is so freakin ugly (so is Dunbar)..I remember Danny always wearing a hat cause his damn forehead is extremely large..no wonder he got punched directly in the head
Abram is hott. he should have won that title :D
10 of 19 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on October 15, 2008 9:23 AM
I agree about Bananas. I don't remember him being this repugnant in past seasons. Its like CT and Danny couldn't get paroled in time or something so they asked Bananas to step in as the resident a-hole.
11 of 19 | Posted by MissAng | Posted on October 15, 2008 12:06 PM
Does anyone know where Johnny Bananas is originally from? It seems, as the seasons and challenges go on, that Johnny is morphing into Kenny. Kenny has a New Jersey accent, but Johnny now speaks in the same way... so unless Johnny hails from New Jersey too, he's just trying to talk like Kenny because he thinks it's cool. Which, leads me to another point, I think that Kenny is the real leader and allows Johnny to parade around thinking that its really him. This way, Kenny can stay out of the line of fire a bit.
Also, Paula & Johanna totally suck. Neither of them have shown themselves to be competitors. Paula won her key solely because they had male partners and she worked a deal with Jenn and Tyrie. Johnanna doesn't do anything at all except for the workouts she must be getting in the bedroom. Both of these two girls must go.
Evelyn's speak was amazing! It was so eloquently said. She is a true competitor and deserves to be on the island. The only thing that could have made that scene better was if the non-alliance members started chanting "Ev-e-lyn, Ev-e-lyn" like "Ru-dy! Ru-dy!". Amazing.
12 of 19 | Posted by skystier | Posted on October 15, 2008 3:00 PM
As I recall when Johnny;s season aired, he's actually from the same city as me. Fullerton, CA. I wrote him a message about it on MTV.com(I was like 14) and he wrote me back, and I was sooo excited.
But yeah. I wish my town didn't have to have that credit. What a douche.
13 of 19 | Posted by meagster315 | Posted on October 15, 2008 5:22 PM
Just purely for the sake of your re-caps, I hope that Dumby bear never gets kicked off the show. He is your writer's gold.
14 of 19 | Posted by hipmama79 | Posted on October 15, 2008 10:35 PM
meagster315: Johnny's from CA???! Why does he sound like he's from Jersey or New York or something? Maybe he thinks there are no California mafia members?
15 of 19 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 16, 2008 9:46 AM
oh my lord!..im from Fullerton, CA
that douche comes from my city!..im ashamed (and surprised)
16 of 19 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on October 16, 2008 10:00 AM
"These two should get married if for no other reason than to reproduce and give Britney's children someone they can relate to." Hilarious!!!
17 of 19 | Posted by DebbieK | Posted on October 17, 2008 10:14 AM
Thanks again for all the love guys!!
I'm working on the recap for this last episode. Hope you all like it!
kisses and stuff,
McSteeny
18 of 19 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on October 17, 2008 11:48 AM
I absolutely loathe Johnny. "Ya dumb bitch", grrrrr. I seriously think that if any woman were to go missing in a 500 mile area around Johnny, cops should start digging up his front yard. The man absutely HATES women. And, I agree with what the other posters said..why the hell is he talking in a phony Jersey/NY accent? He has referred to women as 'broads' for chris's sake. Nobody outside of NY/NY would do that-at least not without a time machine. Turns out he was born and bred in California so wtf?
I've come to hate the juvenille turd so much that I'm almost at the point that I don't enjoy the show anymore. It's clear this pig is going to make it to the end and the thought of him winning 75k makes me want to vomit. God, why won't a shark swallow him and his tiny penis whole and do the world a favor?
19 of 19 | Posted by zona9 | Posted on October 22, 2008 3:47 AM