We open and nerves are high. I know this because everyone is visibly nervous. See how that works? That's why I'm here Gasmii. For deductive reasoning purposes. Well, that and to insinuate that straight people are actually gay, gay people are actually straight, and the rest of the world are a bunch of sluts. I serve many many purposes here at the 'gasm.

Meanwhile, everyone is convinced that Ev is going to win the face-off. It makes everyone on the island start acting like a promiscuous 18-year-old standing in front of a pregnancy test. They all have that look on their faces like they're promising that they'll never have sex again if they just catch a break this one time.

I'll just give BJ's from now on, I promise.

Out on the back patio, Johnny is dining on prime aged rice in a lovely nothing-sauce reduction, while Derrick tries to convince him that Evelyn won't take his key if she wins. Johnny says there's no way in hell Johnny is safe from Evelyn's wrath. Well if there one man who would know the goings on of hell, it's you, Mr. Bananas. Johnny reminds us that Ev is stupid and all about her pride. Yes that silly, silly pride. Pride and that pesky self-respect. Johnny walks away, frustrated that all the weak, insecure pushover girls were cast into The Hills.

Meanwhile, Dunbar is up in Ev's room talking about how relieved he is that the alliance nonsense is finally done. Now he can finally just talk to whoever he wants to, without worrying about the game or The Family. As if to suggest that if not for the threat of Johnny and Kenny, chatting up Ev would have fallen high on Dunbar's list of things to do when he wasn't stealing food from girls' mouths and scaring the bejesus out of me.

Despite the fact that it's so transparent, it truly is terrifying how manipulative Dunbar will try to be. I bet when the cops ultimately arrest him for assault and battery and search his pockets, they find tons of puppet strings. Not to mention the decapitated puppets.

The Evelyn Ass Kissing List is very long today. It's like she needs to have one of those number dispenser thingies they have at the deli in the supermarket. Kenny appears to be up next. Kenny tells Ev all about how he has respect for her as a player and wants her on his team. Sniff. What's that scent you're wearing Kenny? Is that Eu de Damage Control? It's quite lovely.

Ev says that before she agrees not to take Johnny's key he is going to have to prove that he can work with her. And by "work with her," I suspect she means work for her. Which means that if Johnny has any chance, he better be damn good at bringing Ev cups of coffee, and typing up fan letters to K.D. Lang.

Kenny goes to tell Johnny that he better start groveling. Johnny's concerned about being nice to Ev, because he's afraid that even if he is nice and begs for forgiveness, she may turn around and take his key anyway. I find it very ironic that Johnny Bananas is suddenly concerned about looking the fool on television. It's like Lindsey Lohan suddenly concerning herself with professionalism. Or lunch.

"Nothing thanks. I had a red bull yesterday."

Cut to commercial and now The Family is talking to Dan about how they want Dan to win so they can keep The Family intact. Dan tells us as long as he's given the chance to unleash "what he's got inside of him," he'll murder everyone. What's this about murdering people? Perhaps this suggests that what he's got inside of him is a nine millimeter glock? Jump right in to that pool of delirium, young Daniel. The water is warm.

Trying to dodge the flying vodka flavored saliva, Derrick tells Dan he has to not drink for the next few days so that he can be useful at the face-off. Dan, apparently confused, responds that without food and water he can still make it. Wait, food and water? Weren't we talking about jesus juice a minute ago? When did we start talking about the bare essentials of life? Then Dan adds that he has the power to turn his brain off. Turning his brain on, on the other hand, seems to present more of a challenge.

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Posted in Real World and Road Rules Challenge , Real World and Road Rules Challenge by Dr. McSteeny at 12:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: Baxter on Nov 6, 2008 05:50 AM.