Welcome back my Real Worlding and Road Ruling Gasmii! Here's this week's recap: Twenty eight cast members from previous seasons of the Real World and Road Rules contaminate Phuket, Thailand and compete in the newest Real World/Road Rules Challenge/Clusterfuck. Landon is not one of the cast members. The End.
Seriously, MTV. I'm far too old to be watching this crap and would appreciate a little eye candy. Shauvon's boobs can keep me interested for only so long and from the sneak peek of things to come, I don't think they're long for this world. So sit back, get your spreadsheet to keep track of who gave chlamydia to whom, and enjoy.
So here's how it goes down: There are two teams of fourteen each made up of seven guys and seven girls. The two teams are the Champions -- cast members who have won previous challenges -- and the Challengers -- cast members who have never won a challenge but who may have appeared on the show. It's nice to know that MTV feels no pressure to come up with creative team names.
Before we get started, you need to know who the players are. Here's your cheat sheet -- which may be really more for me than anyone else because, is it just me, or do all of these kids look the same? Let's meet the Challengers first:
Chet is from the Real World Brooklyn which none of you watched. He likes purple and thinks of himself as the strong and silent type. I think he's half right.
Sarah is also from Real World Brooklyn and you don't know her either.
Dunbar is back and single. After the Duel, he broke up with his girlfriend, broke up with Kimberly, went through a round of antibiotics and decided he needed another challenge.
Holy crap, I dislike Diem. I know I'm supposed to be supportive because she's a cancer survivor but I can't take her fruit loopy, we shall overcome bullshit. She walks into the Ruins and says all she can see is a massive area where things are going to go down ugly. And CT is her ex-boyfriend so you know she knows about going down ugly.
Last time we saw Adam, he was sent home from the Duel 2 for getting into a fight with CT. While wearing pajamas. Adam says it was the biggest mistake of his life. Here's a tip kids: Nothing you do on a reality competition show is the biggest anything in your life. Trust me.
Shauvon has bleached blonde hair, enormous boobs and and IQ of twelve as demonstrated by her choice to have sex in the bushes with CT on the last challenge. She claims that the girly-girl thing is just an image and that she's going to kick butt. I doubt it.
Brad is back but without Tori so I may be able to tolerate him this time around. Maybe. After all the drama at the Duel 2, he says he and Tori are great back home.
I forget which season of what Danny was on but I remember him annoying the crap out of me with his bubblehead girlfriend who is now his wife. Mercifully, she's not on the show.
Danny is kind enough to give us a break down of one chlamydia chain and it goes something like this: Wes was engaged to Johanna but he's now dating Kellyanne. Kellyanne used to date Cohutta. Johanna hooked up with Kenny on a previous challenge which pissed the shit out of Wes. And now they're all on The Ruins together.
Kellyanne thinks that being on The Ruins with Wes can both help and hurt her because they're a threat and they're cocky. Exactly what part of this helps her? She's hot though. I'll give her that.
Cohutta has a foreign accent so I can't understand him. He hasn't spoken to Kellyanne much but thinks she's much better suited for Wes since she eats tree bark and Cohutta eats fried chicken. I have nothing more to add.
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Comments (25)
It's Brad!
Great recap TinyElvis!
1 of 25 | Posted by joy1333 | Posted on October 2, 2009 6:54 AM
I FUCKING HATE Evan, I am so tired of seeing his doughy, dick face on these challenges. He's ugly, he's balding and he's soooo un-funny. Who does he think he is really?? I don't like Wes either, but I hope he stays a while just to piss of that asshole and hopefully send him home. By the way Great Recap.
2 of 25 | Posted by Poopsicle | Posted on October 2, 2009 7:12 AM
It def. looks like Brad. I thought the whole Johanna/Wes convo towards the end of the episode was very awkward. Kellyann was standing right there and you could totally tell those 2 still harbor feelings for each other.
3 of 25 | Posted by plockeness monster | Posted on October 2, 2009 8:50 AM
Wes = Roid Rage. What a tool.
Excellent recap!
4 of 25 | Posted by mick | Posted on October 2, 2009 9:05 AM
Who are you TinyElvis- where have you been posting all my life??! I loved this recap and all of the fine screencaps, thank you!
OK, I might get a lot of flack for this but I love Wes this season. Last times, no. But he is going to keep this season interesting and I think he is a bad ass who can back up this kind of strategy with these losers. I cannot WAIT for him to take out Johnny freakin' Banannas, douchebag Kenny, and ultra unawesome Evan.
I really think Wes was serious in wanting to pick name out of a hat thing to be the fair thing to do. Look, he knows that if his name is called out, he can back it up and win in the ruins. Everyone else is scar'd and they don't want to be in there, so lets not do the random thing. They want to be little freakin' sheep and let the 3 assholes (plus Darryl )do what has been done every challenge: intimidate everyone to vote with numbers and all of the sudden, look who is always at the end.
Team Wes.
5 of 25 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 2, 2009 9:25 AM
HELP
Somewhere out there in cyberspace has to be a model/grid of all the Real World Road Rules Hook-ups. Granted at this point to look at that might be like reviewing the electrical grid for NYC. If you know where one is plz let me know. In the meanwhile who did KellyAnne hook up with that Derrell was referring too?
6 of 25 | Posted by Considerthis | Posted on October 2, 2009 11:00 AM
TE, FYI, Briana, Nick, and Kimberly were all on the Hollywood season. K & B were originals, and if my memory serves, Nick was Joey's replacement.
Also, Ibis was on the final season of Road Rules, but I don't recall her being a champion? I guess they really had to scrape the bottom of the RR/RW barrel to find winning women. But the Robin/blackface comment was definitely LOL.
7 of 25 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on October 2, 2009 11:36 AM
Awesome Recap, I literally Lol'd reading this fine piece of literature at my job. Keep up the amazing work.
The Challenges are one of the only reasons I watch MTV, the other reasons are RW and TrueLife.
Fu*k Wes, Im tired of this dude bullshyt but I do agree his presence will keep the show entertaining.
Right now I'm on Team Darrel, his shots to Kelly and Wus gave me cerebral lolsy! (if you dont know what that is, look it up on urbandictionary)
I look forward to Boobs poppin her boobs, more Wus drama, faux-lesbian hookups w/ Susie, Rumer and whoever...and by the last screencap, BRADDDDD!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
8 of 25 | Posted by lydecah89 | Posted on October 2, 2009 11:55 AM
Great Recap Tiny!
slutty_whore- Ibis was on Road Rules X-treme (which was followed by Road Rules Viewers Revenge) and she's a champion for the same reason that Susie is: They both won Gauntlet 2
9 of 25 | Posted by ghnstry | Posted on October 2, 2009 12:09 PM
GHNSTRY.... thx for the hookup, I was being too lazy to check on wikipedia. Ibis will more than likely fade into the background, as she often does.
Could you imagine Paula Walnuts and the Walla Walla Wombat on this season together? It would have been pure recapping gold.
10 of 25 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on October 2, 2009 12:23 PM
slutty_whore:
I thought the exact same thing about Paula when I was reading about Tonya...the two of them together would be pure recapping gold! Especially since Paula has also slept with half the guys on the show. Maybe she and Kellyanne could compare notes.
TE: Great recap! I actually laughed until I had tears in my eyes, and I am at work and not supposed to be reading this. If they find anything with "TV" in the title, it's auto-blocked. Thanks for bringing some sunshine into my otherwise day-from-hell Friday! :-)
11 of 25 | Posted by Marijai | Posted on October 2, 2009 1:06 PM
Thank you all for the love!
And you're right! It's Brad. I'm sure I could poke around on the interwebs and find out what goes down but I'll keep myself in suspense for the moment.
Mrsc: I've been recapping Bravo gems like Miami Social and Flipping Out but MTV is my true love. As far as Wes being fair about the hat-picking: I hear you BUT if he was still in good with The Brain Trust he would totally be okay with the vote because he would be safe. If I thought for a minute he would go with hat-picking even with the three douches behind him, I would agree with you. But he's only suggesting the hat-pick because he has no other choice.
Considerthis: I think she was referring to Adam but that would be insane and gross. Can anyone confirm?
Slutty/Marijai: I'm so with you on Paula Walnuts. Has she ever been on a show with Tonya? They should have the Wombat Walnuts hour or something.
Love the love guys! Thanks.
12 of 25 | Posted by TinyElvis | Posted on October 2, 2009 1:23 PM
that's totally derrick
13 of 25 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on October 2, 2009 3:19 PM
Love it, love it, love it!! Especially the "I'm not a smart man" and "No one calls me a Walla Walla Wombat" screencaps. So funny.
And are you new to challenges? That's not a bad thing. I only ask because you didn't seem to know who Susie is. She's from Road Rules: Down Under (back when those were still good and I was actually age-appropriate to watch). I find her to be one of the less annoying ones and on challenges before, she's actually been a pretty good competitor.
I laughed so hard at Robin in blackface. That is excellent. And is anyone else confused why Ibis is a champion while Brad is a challenger? What!? Hasn't he been on WAY more than her? I don't get it.
I feel so sad for Tonya that I almost don't find her entertaining anymore. She's so far beyond being too old to be the drunkest one there that it's obvious the time she spends doing these challenges would indeed be better spent seeking professional help. But, I have to admit that I love her returning always to act like a loon, spout off some psycho babble about how she's going to surprise everyone by being an awesome competitor, and then....sucking. Seriously, she does it every time!!
14 of 25 | Posted by tenthirteen | Posted on October 2, 2009 3:49 PM
tenthirteen- A champion is a person that has won a challenge before. Ibis won Gauntlet 2 (the last show she was on) so that's why she's a champion. Brad may have had more challenges, but he has never won and his second place finish last season doesn't count because it's second place and not first
15 of 25 | Posted by Aaron2008 | Posted on October 2, 2009 5:44 PM
KelleyAnne has been with Wes, Cohutta, and I think Dunbar while they were on RW Sydney together.
16 of 25 | Posted by jules128 | Posted on October 2, 2009 8:32 PM
Funny recap and even funnier screencaps & captions. Keep up the good work!
1.) I already miss Diem's leadership. I miss it terribly. It's unbelievable how she managed to hold that team together for so long. Inspiring even. I may have to wear a bathing cap in sympathy for Saint Diem.
2.) I think the only people I really don't hate this time around are Brad, Cohutta, Derrick and possibly Casey, but even though he sucks as mcuch as any of them, I'm still on Team Wes all the way. Anybody that fucks with the Brain Trust like that is my hero. And it's funny how when those same guys kept throwing challenge after challenge in order to get rid of all the girls (on their own team) on "The Island," they called it strategy and gloated about it, but when Wes throws a challenge, he's being a bad, selfish person and a big baby. I mean we all know that he IS indeed a bad, selfish baby, but so are the rest of these people. Fuck you, you un-awesome, hypocritical, doughy flounder-faced canuck. And Kenny, your old pretty boy act was much more enjoyable than your new tough guy act. I cannot stand Miss Alcoholic Peru either, so go Wes, go! Stop crying and keep screwing with them as long as you can.
BTW did young Wes play that ginger-kid bully who Ralphie beat the crap out of in that movie, "A Christmas Story?" 'Cause that's who Wes reminds me of.
Anyways, it looks like lots of drama is ahead. That always equals a good season on the Challenge, so I say YAY. But as for a bloodied & unconscious Brad laying there on the ground, I can only say "BOOOOO!"
17 of 25 | Posted by LastCall | Posted on October 3, 2009 3:15 AM
Kelly Ann was briefly interested in Dunbar during their real world season in Syndney but she ended up hooking up with Cowhutta. The girl that Dunbar hooked up with during his season was Ashley she was the replacement for the girl that got into a fight with Parissa. Google searches states that she also hooked up with Johnny Bananas and Adam not sure which one she is suppressing and which one is considered a mistake.
I did find this which you might find interesting.
>
> Adding on to the above...
>
> > Brad- Cameron, Tori
> > Derek- Paula
> > Dunbar- Ashli, Kim, Paula? Parissa & Kelly Anne (per last weeks aftershow)
> > Landon- the gym
> > Mark- Robin, Kit and Tonya?
> > MJ- No one?
> > Big Easy- ? Rachel from RW Austin -- thinking back to the Gauntlet 3
> > Isaac- no one
> > Nehemiah- Beth
> > Davis- Ryan, Brooke, tons more i'm sure
> > Ryan- Davis, Shane
> > Adam-?
> > CT- Diem, Shauvon
> > Aneesa-
> > Brittini- kissed Will on RW Hollywood
> > Diem- CT, ?Derrick
> > Jenn- Rachel, Alex
> > Rachel- Jenn, Veronica? Abe? (didn't they
> have a shower thing together?)
> > Paula- Johnny, Dunbar
> > Kim- Dunbar, Dave on RW Hollywood
> > Ruthie-
> > Katie-
> > Brooke- Davis, Evelyn?
> > Robin- Mark, Dan, Randy?
> > Shauvon- CT, made out with Issac on RW Sydney> >
> >
>
> Random others:
>
> Coral - Abe
> Wes - Johanna, Kelly Anne
> Kelly Anne - Wes, Cohutta
> Kenny - Johanna
> Melinda - Danny
> Alex - Jenn, Colie
> Colie - Alex
> Alton - Irulan
> Steven - Trishelle
> Mallory - Ace
> Amaya - Colin
> Judd - Pam
> Rachel - Sean
If only there was an STD registry, this would be sooo much easier.
K
18 of 25 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on October 3, 2009 1:00 PM
Gasmreader = MVP
Thx so much and I am sooo sure there are sooo many more. Didn't Anneesa do Rachel and then stalk her last time? Great work!
19 of 25 | Posted by Considerthis | Posted on October 3, 2009 4:39 PM
KellyAnne mentioned Adam as one of the guys she had sex with. Trust me, I 0_0 and rewound that about three times. Btw, Adam is a cutie with his hair short.
I still can't believe I bother to look at this...I was 11 when these first came on! Now I'd be considered "a senior citizen" by MTV (which by the way, now stands for More Trainwreck Viewing) standards.
20 of 25 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on October 3, 2009 11:02 PM
Really good recap there! I completely lost interest in this show after the horrific douche parade "the Island", but you've ALMOST convinced me to start watching again! Another good recap like this and I may check it out.
The only reason to watch this any more is for the enjoyment of hating on these mouth breathers. Very little eye candy here, although Darrell does look cute in the screencaps and I recall Nick being hot (or at least my type) on his season. And we NEED a show that puts Paula, Tonya, Katie and crazy Joey from Hollywood under one roof!
21 of 25 | Posted by spinal11 | Posted on October 4, 2009 4:50 AM
gasmreader,
there's a special place in recap heaven for you.
now someone with entirely too much time on their hands at work needs to bust that shit out in a powerpoint relationship chart. the cross-contamination is disturbing.
22 of 25 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on October 4, 2009 5:17 AM
I don't know why this suddenly popped into my head, but the most awesome show ever would be one that puts Paula, Tonya, and crazy Brooke into a house and then records all the madness. THAT would be recapping gold!
23 of 25 | Posted by Marijai | Posted on October 5, 2009 12:07 PM
Tonya and Paula were both on the Island but Tonya got sent home right away...
While I was watching I told myself I shouldn't like Wes or be on his side, but I kind of like it when people stand up to Kenny, Evan, Johnny. It's like the popular kids versus the dorks, that's how it always is on these shows, and sometimes people cross over from dork to popular, aka Evelyn in the Island once Kenny, Evan, Johnny, etc start paying attention to the person. I agree that the Johanna/Wes good luck scene was totally awkward because Kellyanne was right there while Johanna was like I know we were going to work on our issues while we were here but that's not going to happen...it's like how much do they need to work on? Is it really necessary for them to be friends?
I remember Kellyanne gave Johnny a BJ on the island?
Shavon was somewhat normal when she first went to Sydney but I remember watching the reunion and thinking, when did she turn all trashy?
I live for the challenges!!
24 of 25 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on October 8, 2009 9:50 AM
Hilarious! Great recap TinyElvis!
25 of 25 | Posted by happy.housewife | Posted on October 8, 2009 10:38 AM