Testimonials

The next mini-challenge is Duel Pole Dancing where they have to climb to the top of a pole to unlock a mountain bike which they'll ride to the next challenge. Evan is an enormous moron and decides to climb the pole while carrying the bike. Brad is already finished by the time Mark shows up and Brad and Evan take off. Rachel, then Brit, then Aneesa arrive and I pray for pants (or to go blind).

Brad and Evan are in the lead with Rachel and Brit behind them. The girls are weak and pathetic and cannot bike up the hill so they walk with the bicycles. (I say this like I'm not sitting on my couch eating a bag of cheese puffs, followed by a Doritos chaser, for dinner.)

Brad arrives at the third mini-challenge, Back Off. Each player must chain themselves to a 45-pound iron ring with a partner of the opposite sex and run to the next challenge. Rachel gets there first and chains herself to Brad. Evan asks Rachel if Brit is far behind. Rachel says she couldn't see her and Evan loses his mind. He's about to watch Brad take the best girl partner while he waits, but he saves his best sympathies for Mark who's going to end up watching the sunset while waiting for the pantsless wonder to arrive.

Cut to Aneesa complaining. Her back is aching, her hands are sore, her forearms are killing her, she's not wearing pants. Trust me, this hurts me more than it does you.

Brit appears in the distance and Evan starts screaming at her like a dumb animal. It's a curse-filled diatribe which does not mention the fact that Evan climbed the pole wearing the bike, causing him to fall into second place, allowing Brad to take off first with Rachel. Details.

Rachel and Brad arrive at the fourth mini-challenge, Push Over. They need to push a sand-filled sled across a line and uncover a key to free themselves from the metal ring. Brad is digging and Rachel is shouting encouragement but not actually helping. Brad tells the camera that she should move some clay but he doesn't bother actually telling Rachel. Interesting strategy.

Days later, Aneesa shows up at Back Off and Mark helps her with the bike. Mark says he's not going to scream at her because he knows she wants to finish the challenge. And now I love Mark a little. They finally take off with the ring and Aneesa is trying to strategize the best way to get to the next challenge. "Let's pretend we're going downhill." Excellent idea but um, you are going downhill.

Back at Push Over, Brad and Rachel free themselves and Rachel takes off. Evan and Brit aren't far behind. Rachel, Brad and Evan arrive at the final challenge which is Elevator. Somehow, Rachel pulls herself up, grabs the carving at the top, gets back down and sprints to the finish line before anyone.

Brit arrives at the Elevator just as Brad and Evan are finishing. One of Brad's chains gets jammed and Evan beats him to the finish line by seconds. Evan says he just went to hell and back. Don't worry, my friend. I'm sure you'll see a return trip.

Brit finishes and wins $35,000. Mark and Aneesa are finally freed from the ring and he waits for her so they can finish the whole thing together. His kindness is a stark contrast to Rachel screeching "You crossed the finish line! You crossed the finish line!" as though that was all that Aneesa should have expected in the first place.

TJ hands out the requisite big fake checks, each player goes through the requisite 'things I've learned' speech, and the requisite montages are shown.

« Charm School: We Have Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself. And Herpes. | Main | So You Think You Can Dance: You ARE the Weakest Link. Good-Bye! »

Posted in Real World and Road Rules Challenge by TinyElvis at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: jules128 on Jun 17, 2009 08:11 PM.