TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for Real World

Real World: Pizza Begets War. Who Knew?

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Drinking HOT CHOCOLATE in a Real World hot tub? FOR SHAME!

First of all, I just want to thank all of you who have been reading and/or commenting so far. You make the time spent trying to decipher Odrama's screeching or watching Emily/Ty define and undefine their non-relationship worth it. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one sitting here analyzing these fools. That being said, I've got to make this one a little shorter because after work on Friday I'll be heading to a place with no internet for the weekend (I know, I know, a land without internet? The myths you've heard are true, folks: it exists. Not even any cell service!) The bright side is you'll get to read this sooner, so this week's shenanigans will be much fresher in your minds.

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Posted by VirginiaApple at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Real World DC: Infaildelity

Let me just say thanks to those of you who cleared up my job question from last week. I've clearly been mostly out of the loop for a few years. I don't know why I care. I guess MTV decided to stop pretending Real Worlders are functioning members of society anymore.

Anyway, on to this week's scintillating episode. I've got myself a nice little cold going on; throat scratchiness was followed by a battle between stuffy and runny in my nose, and now the achiness has set in. If I sound feverish, I probably am. I expect I'll make approximately as much sense as the average Real World cast member.

We start off this week with Emily, Ty, Mike, and Pandrew going rock climbing. I know I've said this before, but goddamn these people exercise more per episode than I do per year. I've kind of always wanted to go rock climbing, but thus far my laziness has prevailed. Also, I'm sure this will be a cakewalk (hmmmm, that sounds like a form of exercise I could get behind) for Pandrew after his cage fighting days. Remember when Emily believed that story? She seemed so different in the first episode than she has since.

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Like a moth to a flame, Emily is once again drawn to Ty's penis.

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Posted by VirginiaApple at 1:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Real World: Spooning and Yelling and Crying, Oh My!

This week, we spend most of the first half of the episode watching the girls (and guys) in the house try to help Andrew in his quest to get laid. This is very nice of them, but I suspect it is in no small part motivated by their desire for him to stop trying to have sex with them. However, this is preferably to watching 17 more conversations between Emily and Ty about the status of their non-relationship. Then we get to watch Odrama pick several fights with Mike, who up until this point has come across as very laid-back and nonconfrontational. At least we get to see Odrama cry? While claiming she's "tough" and never cries? Bullshit, I say.

Previously on the Real World: PandaBoy can't get no satisfaction. Specifically from Callie, but really not from anyone else either. Gayish Guy makes out with Odrama to prolong his time in the closet. Odrama prepares to milk that makeout for every last drop of drama she can get.

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Somewhere, Betsy Ross is rolling over in her grave.

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Posted by VirginiaApple at 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Tonight on Lifetime: Interracial Relationships! Domestic Violence! Body Image Issues! Girl Power!

***Please welcome your newest recapper to the fold, VirginiaApple!

Hola, Gasmii! In the spirit of this year's Real World theme (that would be "CHANGE" in case any of you live in a vacuum), I am here as a brand new recapper to bring you the Real World: Despite Jersey Shore, not all hope for the future is lost. We swear. Let's see how long we can embrace this "change" before you inevitably turn on me for not accomplishing enough in my new position due to my inexperience. Or before TVGasm pulls an NBC and decides to replace me with my predecessor.

Previously on The Real World, the roommates moved in. I know, you forgot about that part, didn't you? Emily and Ty are already, to put it in Facebook terms, "It's Complicated." So far, everyone has been pretty polite. I think this is the week were it gets "real." Let's find out, shall we?

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I love an editor with a sense of humor.

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Posted by VirginiaApple at 12:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Real World DC: You're My Dick

This week on The Real World, Dorkus gets shot down but picks himself up and gets himself a fug to lay, BiGuy makes out with boys and girls, and Blondie makes out with a pantry full of food. God Bless America.

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Inside voice.

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Posted by Flipit at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Real World DC: Change You Can Believe In?

All I have to say about the Real World is it's like the Mafia. Once you're in, you can never get out.

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And at the end of the day, why would you want to?

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Posted by ChickBomb at 9:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Real World Cancun Finale: Some Things Don't Heal

Hola! Bienvenido! Eh, that's all I got. Here's the Real World, last day in Cancun!

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Could you be more specific?

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Posted by ChickBomb at 1:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Real World: The Zombie Hitler Tap Dance Episode

Welcome back to The Real World Cancun! May-juh (I know, that wasn't Mexican, but I have to practice my Victoria Beckham too, you know) props to MIchy PR for translating Rihanna's email to Scrawny Pat from last week! The best part was when she bragged about Scrawny being in it for the cameras with Jassy, but definitely not with her. Hearts, Michy PR! Thanks for ruining your eyesight for the....um, cause? And now, for the latest...

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It's cuz Rihanna's in heat.

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Posted by ChickBomb at 10:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

Real World: Scrawny Pat Counts to Three

This week, on the Real World, the first half of the show is the threesome and the second half is everyone talking about it. Probably the best episode of the Real World in a while! Well, it had the inter-roomie threesome, so it kind of wins by default, but - and I can't believe I'm saying this - I was actually wondering what was going to happen next!

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Fingers crossed that it's not this.