I approached tonight's episode with a certain amount of dread. After all, the pre-show recap focused almost entirely on Rachel and her boyfriend Eric. The two are on a break, you see, which means that Rachel has the right to not only slut it up around town, but then come crying back to Eric on the phone asking for forgiveness. It's really the perfect way to maximize your screen time (cough, Shavonda, cough). So what would tonight have in store for us? Drunken hookups? Teary-eyed apologies? A visit to Jenny Craig? Eh, sort of.

Turns out tonight's episode was thankfully lighthearted, making all the proceedings entirely more enjoyable than The Plight Of Melinda we witnessed three weeks ago. The show kicked off with highly suggestive imagery of fountains spewing and gushing (like semen!). Might this be a theme? Perhaps. We then cut to Rachel clawing at her boyfriend's sticky package. No, not his penis. Turns out Eric had actually sent her a mysterious box that was sticky, wet, and basically a giant red flag for Homeland Security. What could he have possibly packed in there? Maple syrup? Eggs? Semen? (That's the theme, after all).

No, the sticky goo turned out to be melted ice cream. And not just any ice cream. Cotton Candy Ice Cream -- Rachel's fave. Unfortunately, it had all melted (shocker!) because Eric had packed it with... (sigh)... regular ice. There was so much idiocy inherent in this little scene that I thought my head might explode. I couldn't tell what I hated more: that some incredibly dumb human shipped ice cream with ice or that some incredibly dumb human loves cotton candy ice cream. Well, we later found out that Eric indeed used dry ice, so I guess the winner is Rachel and her stupid cotton candy ice cream.

Anyway, the melted ice cream quickly stank up the house and became ground zero for everyone's derision. We then cut to Lacey, cackling, "Who's the outcast now, BITCH!" Okay, she didn't say that, but Melinda did ask the question most on our minds: "Who sends ice cream in the mail?" My thoughts exactly. And with that, Melinda and I found ourselves on the same wavelength for the first and possibly last time ever.