Over a week ago, we watched the kids of The Real World: Austin cavort in the Costa Rican sun as part of their well-deserved vacation from their cavorting in the Texas sun. And like that uncomfortable feeling you get when July crosses over to August, there's a sense that summertime in Austin will be ending soon. Now it's just a race to the finish line as the kids work to finish their documentary and whatever other sordid conquests they have in store for us. Unlike the end of summer, however, I'm actually looking forward to the end of this season. Starting out with so much promise and then devolving into a repetitive, generic mess, Austin hasn't full-out sucked like Paris or Philadelphia, but there's a feeling like we learned all we could learn from these kids weeks ago, and now the show is simply running on fumes. Not even the tantalizing allure of Nehemiah stuck in the clink could even pique our interests at this point (okay, maybe a little). I don't know where this season went wrong (probably somewhere between the 34th and 35th episode of the Danny and Melinda saga), but I'm rapidly awaiting its finale, whenever that may be. Gotta be soon, right?
This week's episode began with our old friend Wren hanging out at a bar with Wes. No word on whether or not this fine establishment was The Dizzy Rooster, but judging by the general cheesiness of the surroundings, I would have to surmise that it was. Anyway, this wunderkind couple seemed somewhat awkward tonight. Perhaps something was afoot? Wren, for one, seemed to be overtaxing her sole brain cell: "I don't understand," she said.
"You don't understand what?" asked Wes.
"You," she replied. Look, Wes is a simple man. There's not much to understand about him: he likes plaid patterns, the occasional vintage shirt, grandiose comments, general poseur behavior, babbling about nothing in particular, and of course, bubbles. Alas, this had been too much for Wren to comprehend, and so she repeatedly rebuffed Wes's approaches, refusing to get serious with him. It's for the better. She could never live up to Wes's first love: Mr. Left Hand.
"I am very, very, very sexually frustrated tonight," Wes complained. You see, he's spent so much time pursuing all these women that he hasn't been able to get anywhere with any of them. (His general lameness might also be a roadblock, but that's neither here nor there.) Anyway, a drunken Johanna managed to speak for all of America when she slurred, "RIght now, you're getting pretty good looking girls; so pick your goddamn fight and pick the good looking girls. Stop going for the shitty a;slkdhfas." Sorry, I couldn't understand what she was saying at the end there. It was some sort of non-distinct JohannaSpeak, which I encourage her to use more often, by the way.
Anyway, the good news for fans of Real World novelty games was that the ol' basketball machine was now fixed. Viewers may remember that a certain drunk roommate (Rachel) had flung herself into the apparatus, perhaps envisioning herself as a basketball of some sort. Well, Rachel's flight of fancy had fatally debilitated this most enjoyable of games, thus sending Nehemiah into a tailspin of rage and self-destruction. Mostly just rage though. But now we can put that dark chapter behind us because we now found Neh tossing basketballs into the hoop anew. Life is good!
Unfortunately for Nehemiah, he was soon joined by Wes, who talked his ear off about, you guessed it, Wren. "I'm down here trying to pursue multiple relationships. Right now, just because Wren's in the lead doesn't mean she's my girlfriend," he said. So do girls have to sign up for this event? Do they get a special jersey? Or a number? And how did Wren get to be in the lead. Were there qualifying trials? Do tell, Wes!
Later, Danny and Melinda waltzed into the living room and announced that the roommies had to watch a documentary Friday night at 8 pm. Of course, Wes balked at this harsh inconvenience (his schedule is VERY busy!), and while it does suck to have to do something work-related on a Friday night, this really wasn't the worst thing ever. In fact, Nehemiah noted that he was quite excited to go to the screening, especially because it could advance his career as a director. "He wants to be on 'Yo! MTV Raps,'" Melinda joked. Of course, Melinda herself is looking to pioneer the new variety show, "Oh My Gad! MTV Wiscansan."
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Comments (25)
Nice recap. The Svan read an article where Melinda claimed to be studying to be a dentist. She goes to community college! What the hell?
Also, I can't believe Ms. Fivehead really slept with Wes. What an embarssament.
1 of 25 | Posted by The Svan | Posted on November 14, 2005 5:39 PM
The sad thing is, I don't even think that the basketball machine is fixed. I think that they are using it even though its not plugged in, which is real lame (take it from someone who used to own one of those).
2 of 25 | Posted by Molly | Posted on November 14, 2005 6:15 PM
Poor Wes...why does everyone pick on Wes? Oh yea...cause he's a dumbass. Still he did get laid (after months or trying) so I guess I got to give him some credit.
3 of 25 | Posted by mere2142 | Posted on November 14, 2005 6:16 PM
wes is such a prick
4 of 25 | Posted by florence | Posted on November 14, 2005 7:42 PM
Wes is SUCH a loser. The worst losers are the ones who think they're COOL. Wes SUX. As for Wren, I'm soooo disappointed! Gimme a break! I'm sure she feels so low after watching this season and how she got played.
5 of 25 | Posted by Wes SUX | Posted on November 14, 2005 7:55 PM
"Dress-Like-The-Lithuanian-Flag-Day"
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
6 of 25 | Posted by Tara | Posted on November 14, 2005 7:56 PM
How do people not fly off the handle at each other in that house? Wes is the biggest tool, Nehemiah is selfish, Danny=sack of rocks, Rachel=Jessica from Laguna, Lacey is not hip nor as individual as she hopes, Mel better pray above all else that she doesn't get preggers by Danny and Johanna can't wait for rehab.
I can't wait to see all of them move to LA, live in shared/ghetto apartments and attend every Real World/Road Rules Challenge with the world of C-List Hollywood. Who else can tell their boss, "I'm going on a Challenge. I'll be back anytime between 3 days to 4 weeks. You'll be lucky if I don't win the whole thing and actually come back. Seeing as I'm a temp anyway, I'm not sure that you care. Oh, and hey, I met Courtney Love once."
7 of 25 | Posted by Csmock | Posted on November 14, 2005 8:01 PM
I really admire you B-side, for hanging in there throughout this season. I stopped watching after the 4th episode.
This has to be the worst season ever. And the most pathetic group of morons ever cast.
Would anyone be upset if this were the last season? Some things just need to be laid to rest.
I shiver to think that this boring group of kids will most likely move on to the RW/RR Challenges for the next 5-10 yrs.
8 of 25 | Posted by Page | Posted on November 14, 2005 8:46 PM
Has anyone ever noticed how Lacey is always sitting in the room being annoying when she is so not needed? Like when David comes over to see Neamiah...If she were actually as cool as she seems to think then she would have made some friends to hang out with instead of sitting in that house trying to cause drama.
9 of 25 | Posted by Jessica | Posted on November 14, 2005 9:01 PM
Im still laughing at the "Lithuanian-Flag-Day" comment-
Thank you for all of your great recaps, b-side!!
Ive got to agree with everyone that this real world season is a waste of time. Austin is a GREAT city and there are a million other things to do besides go to the "dizzy rooster"
10 of 25 | Posted by zazzlez | Posted on November 14, 2005 11:45 PM
Csmock, #7, you made my spit out my Diet Coke--do you think anyone on a future Challenge will even know who these boring kids are?
11 of 25 | Posted by guta | Posted on November 15, 2005 3:16 AM
neh supposedly got arrested for fighting with their favorite hot dog vendor. GOOD TIMES.
12 of 25 | Posted by megan | Posted on November 15, 2005 3:52 AM
wes and johanna are apparently dating now
http://www.livejournal.com/community/ohnotheydidnt/4254108.html#cutid1
lol@ http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c168/bottaj01/freshmeatchallenge014.jpg
13 of 25 | Posted by megan | Posted on November 15, 2005 3:57 AM
great recap. Funny and well-written. b-side is on a roll.
14 of 25 | Posted by evan | Posted on November 15, 2005 5:26 AM
I thought it was sooo pathetic that just because Wren saw Wes kiss Johanna that she then decided to sleep with him. Lets hope she was really drunk. Wren does have a big forehead but she could do a lot better than Wes. Uk, and I hate how they call everyone "groupies"! Hello! you are not in a band and it is also sad that you point out the fact that girls are only hanging out with you because you are on the real world!
15 of 25 | Posted by Alikat | Posted on November 15, 2005 5:27 AM
the only reason i am excited for 2nites episode is beucase i want to see some action and with neh in jail, we cant go wrong. it will never compare to when brad went to jail in san diego and ja was runnin around lol
16 of 25 | Posted by ALECIA | Posted on November 15, 2005 8:10 AM
Mel makes JLove nervous in the pants. Have her lovehandles grown or are her t-shirts shrinking?
17 of 25 | Posted by JLove | Posted on November 15, 2005 9:09 AM
there are too many brilliant one liners to count!
go wes! go b-side!
18 of 25 | Posted by Jen | Posted on November 15, 2005 9:33 AM
How can we even be sure wes did sleep with her. For all we know he may have crashed on her couch :-0
19 of 25 | Posted by cincyfool | Posted on November 15, 2005 9:54 AM
Too true Too True cincyfool. When a guy brags about having sex with a girl, ahem, he usually didn't. Am I right? Anyway, when is this season going to end and when are all the cast members going to fall of the face of the earth. I agree with what someone else said, I think Real World needs to be laid to rest. Plus, Johannas' teeth are really starting to bug me, hasn't she heard of braces! HEllo.
20 of 25 | Posted by veronica | Posted on November 15, 2005 11:36 AM
Wes is such a tool, he gives date rapists a bad name.
21 of 25 | Posted by coulsowe | Posted on November 15, 2005 4:37 PM
LOL Jlove--ive been thinking the same thing.
22 of 25 | Posted by Alikat | Posted on November 17, 2005 6:12 AM
Did any one see peviews for next week when Neh and Wes are screaming at Rachel???? How crazy is that!!! Neh is a women beater you can tell because he always looses his temper on Rachel. It looks like he is going to hit her and Wes is fuling the fire. BTW I hate Wes!!! He is such an ASS!!!!!!!!
23 of 25 | Posted by sara | Posted on November 17, 2005 11:05 AM
Fuck off sara you racist fatass. Put down the Oreos and quit slandering people.
24 of 25 | Posted by The Svan | Posted on November 17, 2005 9:04 PM
i think rachel is the most annoying person on the face of the earth. not only is she nauseating to look at --EWWWWWWW--but, what a hypocrite with a huge temper and violent streak. she tries to say wes is not a respectful person, umm yeah. do you think you are, fat bitch? she always hits or claws people... and she talks ahit about her boyfriend and leads him on.
wes is fuckin stup[id too. he is mad at rachel for spilling a secret..he shouldnt have told anyone in the first place. damn it. i hate these people.
25 of 25 | Posted by rachel hater | Posted on November 22, 2005 7:22 PM