Last week, when I opted to spend Tuesday night leering at the Real World: Austin cast live and in person, I thought for sure the readers would be forgiving about my recap tardiness. But alas, when pretty Abercrombie models spend a half an hour acting dumb, it's hard to hold off the masses with just a few grainy photos and personal observations. And so here we are, nearly a week later, and finally a recap. No more stalling. Let's dive in!
The episode began with the kiddos pouring out of the front door like slowly dripping ooze. It was time to hit the town (The Dizzy Rooster, perhaps?) and as the chipper clan of merrymakers (or stupidmakers, depending on the topic of conversation) strolled through the murky streets of Austin, we learned a storm was brewing between our two favorite paradigms of self-delusion: Wes and Johanna. You see, they weren't talking to each other any more in the wake of last episode's monumental fight, which, as you may remember, was about nothing. Literally. Okay, okay. It was about something. Basically, Wes had accused Johanna of being a cocktease, and Johanna had accused Wes of being, well, some inaudible slurring sound. A "blirshlirish" perhaps? Nevertheless, this epic rift somehow remained intact, despite the usually enlightening effect of sobriety, which leads me to believe these two a) are kind of immature; b) still haven't sobered up; or c) all of the above.
Anyway, everyone arrived at The Dizzy Rooster (of course), and almost immediately, we shifted to the lovely Mel who was talking with her friend, TJ. This Real World dayplayer shared an utterly fascinating account of his latest fight with his girlfriend, a story which immediately caused Melinda to pine after Danny yet again. Then again, anything makes Melinda think about Danny. A bum chasing a plastic bag could probably send Melinda's heart aflutter.
Back at the house, DannyFest 2005 continued as Melinda announced she was going to spray her sheets with his cologne, which I'll assume was imitation Axe Body Spray. Either that, or Febreeze. And in case you're wondering, Danny had actually given Melinda permission to shroud her linens 'n' things in his scent. Still no word though on whether or not she could stop calling him "Yahweh."
Continuing her lunacy, Melinda then brought a small picture of Danny out to the kitchen and propped it up near the spoonful of mac & cheese that constituted her dinner. "He's like eating with us!" she cooed. Except, well, I'm pretty sure Danny's taller than three inches. And three-dimensional. And, you know, not a photograph.
We then saw a closeup of this Danny photo as the girls observed how happy he looked. I personally was more taken by the random English muffin in his hand. Does he often carry those around?
Danny's got some girls, his hat, and an English muffin. Who could ask for anything else?
Anyway, let's just move on before I get caught up in a tangental discussion of English muffins (and believe me, it was about to happen. You don't even want to know about the paragraph I just deleted). The next day, the roommates busted out their spiffy video camera and taped each other as part of a documentary exercise. We first watched Melinda's wonderful camerawork as she zoomed in (and I mean zoooooomed in) on Johanna's eye. Wow. So bold. So artistic. So amateurish. Somebody call Current TV! We got a new pod!!
Meanwhile, Wes announced that he wanted to film Lacey in the closet. Um, okay. Didn't really make sense, but hey, we'll go with it. Lacey was actually fine with it too, but she did note, "I don't want them to think I'm gay." Hmmm... Virgin? Short hair? She does have a point. Eh, but we all know Wes is the closeted one, so I wouldn't worry too much, Lace. Actually, Wes wanted to be filmed in his natural environment. "So Nehemiah should be doing me in the bar?" he suggested. Oh Wes. You make it so easy.
Eventually, Lacey paired off with Rachel and the two followed in film auteur Melinda's footsteps by making excessive use of the zoom function. Needless to say, as stimulating as it was to gaze upon Rachel's earlobe (and mouth. And eye. And hair), I think I would have settled for an old-fashioned medium shot. Lacey did explain the method to her madness: "I wanted to interview Rachel because Rachel's so loud." Yes, as evidenced by this FRECKLE ON HER NECK.
Executives at Current now have an erection.
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Comments (27)
"Sadly, Danny's pet English Muffin was nowhere to be seen. Too bad. Really could have been a snack-filled hug."----my favorite line this week :)
1 of 27 | Posted by Megan | Posted on August 30, 2005 7:29 PM
"Her trilogy on cotton candy ice cream was nothing short of pure cinematic brilliance."
Would have to be my favorite line - though it's really hard to chose - like picking a favorite puppy - you gotta love them all!
Great recap B-Side! Well worth the wait.
2 of 27 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on August 30, 2005 7:46 PM
Yay! Thanks for finally doing the recap. Gotta watch tonight's episode and wait for the next recap. Love TVgasm!
3 of 27 | Posted by Julie | Posted on August 30, 2005 8:16 PM
I must admit- I am not really feeling this cast this season. Maybe it's because of all of the other great reality television shows on right now, but I think this show has turned into one big snoozefest. Maybe I am just getting to old to watch Alcoholic, early twenty-somethings make complete asses out of themselves. But I must admit, I still love the challenges...
4 of 27 | Posted by amygirl | Posted on August 30, 2005 8:18 PM
thanks for the recap b-side
5 of 27 | Posted by runswithscissors | Posted on August 30, 2005 8:28 PM
"And star wipe and we're out."
"Dad, there's other things than star wipe."
"Why have hamburger when you could have steak?"
6 of 27 | Posted by andscene | Posted on August 30, 2005 9:06 PM
Hilarious recap. Thank you B-Side.
Couldn’t help but notice how your attitude toward Danny has changed so dramatically...i can see he made quite the (negative) impression on you at CSUN
7 of 27 | Posted by Sam | Posted on August 30, 2005 9:39 PM
No commenton the preview of Johanna and Wes making out? oh wll I guess we have to wait till the next recap..
cotton candy vodka in an envelope? LMAO!
8 of 27 | Posted by Dez | Posted on August 30, 2005 9:56 PM
This episode was boring. You did a great job making something outta nothing bside. The more recent one was better, but that's not saying too much. Oh well. -__-
9 of 27 | Posted by Holly | Posted on August 31, 2005 3:07 AM
(clarifying) The more recent episode--not recap.
10 of 27 | Posted by Holly | Posted on August 31, 2005 3:08 AM
"I know. I didn't think ugly people were allowed in either."
Yet somehow Wes was chosen for this season. I would have rather had Jason Lee's buddy stick around as long as the cameras stopped filming close-ups of Wes. Great recap!
11 of 27 | Posted by Kimberly | Posted on August 31, 2005 8:05 AM
Melinda not putting her yogurt down made me laugh. Hugging kissing, crying, all with taht yogurt still in hand. that must be some good yogurt.
12 of 27 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on August 31, 2005 9:49 AM
So did Melinda ever return to her phone call?!
13 of 27 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on August 31, 2005 11:29 AM
Even though I'm glad that MTV has decided to go back to their "Average Looking People" casting methods, with this cast, it only makes me hate them more. Not only are they ugly, but annoying too! At least hotness balances out the annoying qualities. I could forgive Cameran for anything-- the glory of San Diego shall never be returned!
14 of 27 | Posted by kt | Posted on August 31, 2005 12:15 PM
When it was announced that the Real World would be visiting Austin, the Austin mayor proclaimed that it would be worth '$20 million in advertising for the city'.
What he failed to mention is that it would really be $20 million in advertising for... THE DIZZY ROOSTER!
ha!
P.S. Love the Goooooogle ads generated by this page, especially the 'Vagina Balancing Mist'. Fresh scents for your sweetest spot, indeed! :)
15 of 27 | Posted by ha! | Posted on August 31, 2005 1:18 PM
On the real, Nehemiah's kind of ugly too, along with Lacey and Wes, and oh yeah, let's not forget Rachel. Nehemiah is at least cool and funny and his body is pretty diesel. And I have to say that I was wrong about Rachel not being fat. Good God, this chick looks more bloated every week! It looks like she actually lost weight for the pictorial in Stuff, FHM,or whatever that magazine was, because on this week's episode, when she was acting like she was gonna fight someone, I thought her jeans were going to catch on fire from the friction!
16 of 27 | Posted by joslyn | Posted on August 31, 2005 1:23 PM
I think the show rocks! AND THE WAY YOU PUT DANNY DOWN FOR HIM CRYING Is UN humane like! hello his MOM died! do you get that! mel is trying to be their for him,and you are saying she is a brat for trying to help? DAnny is going throught a hard time! everyone has to cry sometime! if your mom died would you not shed a tear!
it is a sad thing! his mom is out of his life forever! i think it is tearing him up because he said that if he had the chance he would have done everything different! i don;t think he and his mom had a good relationship, and he feels gilty! and someone said that the interveiw with him went bad, he is just humane! well if you have a differnet opinion e-mail me! girlsrockalot@yahoo.com
17 of 27 | Posted by Anna | Posted on August 31, 2005 5:51 PM
Um, where exactly did I make fun of Danny for crying?
18 of 27 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on August 31, 2005 6:15 PM
Wow. That's a lot of exclamation marks.
19 of 27 | Posted by Sam | Posted on August 31, 2005 6:55 PM
YAWNS!!!
Good Recap though... Like someone stated above B-Side really made something out of nothing with this recap. I wonder what was worst, the visit to CSUN, or this episode.
20 of 27 | Posted by bacardi | Posted on August 31, 2005 7:32 PM
Dude Sally - unhumane is SO not a word. And, get a life.
21 of 27 | Posted by myfeethurt | Posted on September 1, 2005 9:35 AM
Actually, for the record, neither is gilty. Or differnet.
I don't ever point out spelling errors on comments, but you've annoyed me.
And, get a life.
22 of 27 | Posted by myfeethurt | Posted on September 1, 2005 9:39 AM
LMAO @ Sam!!!! hehe
23 of 27 | Posted by Michelle | Posted on September 1, 2005 11:43 AM
I agree, the recaps make so much more out of this show than there is. Sometimes I would rather just read your recaps, B-side, than watch the show. Of course, it is impossible not to watch it. I think this Real World is so incredibly boring! At least these recaps help to ease the pain. Thanks, again, B-side.
Anna - Chill, hon. Even though there is death and sadness, the show is just as fake as Laguna Beach. Which, of course, I also love and watch every week. Those recaps, by B-side, are even funnier than these. Check them out if you haven't already.
24 of 27 | Posted by Maggi | Posted on September 1, 2005 1:50 PM
Another proof of Lacey's gay-ness: She zoomed in on Rachel's bosom during the interview....more than once.
25 of 27 | Posted by Cayla | Posted on September 1, 2005 2:02 PM
PLEASE DO ANOTHER RECAP-I CANNOT LIVE WITHO UT READING THE NEWEST RECAPS I THINK YOU HAVE TWO EPISODES TO DO. PLEASE HURRY! MY LIFE IS LAUGHLESS WITHOUT IT. HURRY BSIDE....PLEASE!
26 of 27 | Posted by whocares | Posted on September 3, 2005 1:33 PM
i really thought she said "i like you so much" instead of "thank you so much" i just dont think she can get enough of freaking danny out with her obsession with him
27 of 27 | Posted by michelle | Posted on September 4, 2005 7:49 AM