I'm getting a bad feeling that after all my prognosticating on The Real World, Lacey might not end up being the house outcast that I always thought she would be. I don't really know why that is. Maybe it's because there are so many nutso women in the mansion, her transgressions pale (no pun intended) in comparison. But luckily tonight she took a step towards the dusty corner by finally being the stick in the mud, the thorn in the side, the normal in the Abercrombie. Lacey deigned to put her foot down with the documentary project, and for the first time all season, we heard the faint grumblings of perhaps a future witch hunt. Plus, that whole South By Southwest occupational plot turned semi-interesting for about two seconds too. Oh, and Nehemiah had a flip out of Landon/Karamo proportions. Hey, this episode wasn't half bad!
The show began with Nehemiah working on his "portrait" of Wes in the editing suite. For those of you who may have missed last week's installment, the roomies had all been assigned the task of documenting each other in an effort to educate them about the basics of video production. Luckily, Nehemiah had a degree in "Media Arts," which meant surely this opus would be a grand-slam of epic proportions. "I think it didn't come out too bad," boasted Nehemiah, adding, "Aaaaand star-wipe!"
Well, the kiddos all met with their advisor, Paul Steckler, and of course Nehemiah outclassed everyone with the amount of work he'd put into his project. Score one for Media Arts! Lacey admitted that she was "selfishly annoyed" -- or as most Real Worlders call it, "annoyed" -- that Nehemiah had shown up everyone by working so diligently on his project.
"I can't help but feel that Nehemiah just wants to be in the spotlight and kind of be like, 'Look Teach! Look what I did!'" added Lacey. Wow, a reality star wanting to hog the spotlight? Now you're talking crazy, Lacey-poo. Meanwhile, as much as I respected Lacey's candid grudges, I still couldn't really feel too badly for her. I mean, how long does it really take to add some transitions, titles, and music to a project? One hour? Two hours? You know, the person I was most disappointed in was Rachel, who just last week boasted that she had made "numerous iMovies." I assumed a film making auteur of her stature surely would have no problem advancing her project beyond just the "assembly" stage, but I guess you can't force inspiration. It's sort of like sending cotton candy ice cream through the USPS: Not very effective.
Well, after hearing much about his soon-to-be staple of Current TV, we finally got to see Nehemiah's Media Arts degree in action. Thus, the grand premiere of Wes's portrait, or as it was poetically called, Still Waters Run Deep. That's quite the title for simple ol' Wes. Maybe Nehemiah accidentally thought he was commissioned by Lifetime. I half expected Meredith Baxter to be playing to role of "Ma," Wes's abusive, unstable, but distinctly empowered mother who's driven to murder when she catches her husband in bed with another woman. Sadly, it was not meant to be.
As for Nehemiah's burgeoning career as an MTV video director? Well, let's just say he might want to look into master's programs. I mean, the multi-colored 1992 PrintShop fonts were cool and everything, and that artistic filter was waaay rad -- totally a throwback to 1987 -- but I'm thinking he might want to take a few lessons from Rachel, the Steven Spielberg of iMovie, if you will.
Nehemiah: All the resources of MTV with the panache of cable access.
After a few "artistic" shots of trees and a foot, Nehemiah's presentation ended with Wes informing us that "There's more to Wes than most people think." For instance, Wes really likes daisies. Oh, and daffodils too. And you know when you take some aluminum foil and bunch it up into a ball? Yeah, he LOVES that. So many dimensions.
When the lights finally came up in the theater (or rather, the VHS tape came to a stop), Nehemiah had a contained look on his face as if he were about to rush the podium and say, "I want to thank the Academy, Jesus, mom, my family, Wes -- you're my dawg! You're my DAWG!" But alas, the fantasy was cut short by Steck, whose decidedly tepid reaction was just slightly better than saying, "Eh." Yes, the advisor shrugged his shoulders and said, "Not bad," which was his polite way of saying, "My three-year-old daughter is more skilled." Ouch. Sorry Neh. And here I thought Gwen Stefani would be hiring you for her new video. Shows what I know.
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Comments (32)
"When I'm drunk, I like to pleasure myself"? Jesus Christ, that house must be a wonderfully potent combination of smells.
Rachel's crotch-juice, now I'm not 100% sure on this, but I'm guessing later she'll claim it smells like saving the lives of soldiers.
This of course will lead Mel to try to out-do her and claim her crotch smells like New Orleans circa now.
Lacey's crotch, well...spiderwebs. Pure and simple. I also wonder if Lacey's crotch has wheelchair access.
1 of 32 | Posted by J | Posted on September 7, 2005 2:03 AM
How could you fail to mention Melinda's lame attempt at advice to Nehemiah??? All I heard was "uh duh duh duh, oh my god Im on TV, yah your mom's like in rehab dontcha know...uhhhh".
2 of 32 | Posted by ali | Posted on September 7, 2005 5:28 AM
Yesterday I read somewhere that Mel might be having a baby. I don't remember where I read this, but I guess we will know when the reunion comes up....
3 of 32 | Posted by mellymel | Posted on September 7, 2005 6:01 AM
I side with B-side- the Neh crying scene touched my cynical New York City heart.
It's funny how MTV won't just let the cast members admit and discuss what is becoming so obvious- that their casts get heckled and made fun of wherever they go. It would make the fights and outbursts make a lot more sense.
4 of 32 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on September 7, 2005 6:02 AM
"Still Waters Run Deep" huh! It seems as if Nehemiah took Cameron Crowe 101. If I'm not mistaken, "Stillwater Runs Deep" is the article title on the Rolling Stone cover at the end of Almost Famous. Another clever editing trick...Nehemiah you beautiful genius, well done Sir!
5 of 32 | Posted by gym701 | Posted on September 7, 2005 6:17 AM
I'm pretty sure somewhere in his family tree is a sheep.
Ahahahahahahaa!
I have a question about mexican food. We in NYC have Chipotle up here and since there aren't that many good mexican places up here I can't hate on people for eatin chipotle. But i would assume that there are a bevy of good mexican (or tex mex) restaurants in texas. wy do they eat there so much?
6 of 32 | Posted by curly | Posted on September 7, 2005 6:20 AM
I can't believe Rosie O'Donnell is one of the writers here!!! So sorry to see her leave-I knew there was a reason this site seemed especially smart and funny--of course that means everyone, not just Rosie.
But that's especially funny that she was a writer given the funny commentary on the "craptastic" (love that word by the way) Riding on the Bus tv movie.
Anyway, that's pretty neat. I almost fell out of my chair in my cube when I saw the picture of Rosie.
Sorry to post this here but there was no comments section on the Rosie post.
7 of 32 | Posted by sweet j | Posted on September 7, 2005 7:23 AM
But i would assume that there are a bevy of good mexican (or tex mex) restaurants in texas. wy do they eat there so much?
Because they are idiots less interested in exploring a great city than drinking, arguing, and screwing?
There's a lot more here than Chipotle and the Dizzy Rooster, some of it even within walking distance from the house. I'm sad nobody will see it.
8 of 32 | Posted by austinite | Posted on September 7, 2005 7:56 AM
saw some pics on a site that said they were of mel from the real world. sure looked like her, but she was in lingerie and looked like she was dancing at a strip bar (pole in background). any word if she bacame a lounge dancer or something like whats her name from vegas real world
9 of 32 | Posted by tmac | Posted on September 7, 2005 8:07 AM
i am wondering what the deal is with locals heckling the cast? on one hand you've got girls who want to get on t.v. (wren, the donkey girl who was hitting on danny in the bar, lindsey, etc..) and on the other hand a bunch of dudes who probably say a lot of funny shit to the cast that turns them into raging demons. i mean seriously, i wonder what the locals are heckling? any ideas?
10 of 32 | Posted by this is a tasty burger! | Posted on September 7, 2005 8:09 AM
RE: Curly
That Chipotle is close to where they were (walking dist). Yes there are many more places that they could have gone. There's some Mexican something or other within spitting distance almost everywhere here. I suspect MTV is getting some $ from McDonald's Corp. for showing it repeatedly.
Oh, and Shut up Rachel! Just want to punch her in the face.
11 of 32 | Posted by LivinInAustin | Posted on September 7, 2005 8:28 AM
they heckle because they think it gives them a better chance of getting on tv than trying to actually be nice to the real worlers.
12 of 32 | Posted by amos | Posted on September 7, 2005 8:40 AM
RE: Curly
I can only assume that Chipotle and the Dizzy Roster gets free advertising and promotions and the cast gets free food and drinks. Have you ever seen one of the cast mates pay for anything at these places. One would also have to wonder how the Dizzy Roster has not be busted for serving a minor (cough Nehemiah cough)
13 of 32 | Posted by tilak0219 | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:04 AM
The only reason I know anything about Yellowcard, My Chemical Romance, etc. at ALL is b/c they're all on the soundtrack for Burnout 3:Takedown on Xbox. Otherwise, I'd be totally retahded about all this newfangled music they're talking about.
Who the eff is Lindsay??
14 of 32 | Posted by Jess | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:18 AM
Curly: Chipotle (and other businesses, Dell etc. . )pays Bunim/Murray to get on the show. Having the kids eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner there is advertising. They're told to do it.
Also, I have heard that McDonalds actually owns the Chipotle chain.
15 of 32 | Posted by Tets | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:20 AM
i just wanted to say to everybody that after finding this site, I felt like the little girl in the bumble bee outfit in an old black crowes video. thankyou, tvgasm!! :D
16 of 32 | Posted by gasm fan | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:37 AM
yay little bumblebee girl! dance with us!!
17 of 32 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:52 AM
Yea I dont get the heckling either. In this day and age why don't they make it truly "real world" and use the cameras that they use for hidden tv shows such as punk'd. Good quality but hidden. I don't know how they do that or if it's possible for the show but why not? who would "act real" with cameras obviously in their face.
18 of 32 | Posted by ali | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:58 AM
Word!!!! I AGREE with Ali....they should be hidden cameras.
19 of 32 | Posted by Erin | Posted on September 7, 2005 1:08 PM
Yeah Ali, they should do that. P.S. This ep was boring.
20 of 32 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on September 7, 2005 2:49 PM
B-side, you seem bitter this episode! You hated on just about everyone, in turn...not that some don't deserve it, but, are we feeling mean today, or what?
21 of 32 | Posted by Danielle | Posted on September 7, 2005 7:29 PM
I used to be thankful that MTV kindly played last weeks episode of real world before the new one- so I could either catch up or recap.
But now I think its just cruel to play this dumbass cast back to back. I truly cannot take a whole hour of these idiots.
The dumbing down of America man.
22 of 32 | Posted by curly | Posted on September 7, 2005 9:18 PM
Bumblebee girl is from the Blind Melon video. That's what I learned in college.
23 of 32 | Posted by Duckie | Posted on September 7, 2005 11:07 PM
"Isn't it nice how the Austin weather always conveniently parallels the emotions in the Real World house? Who knew God loved Bunim/Murray so much?"
Mary-Ellis Bunim died in 2004 so she could control the weather from heaven. It also helped her "call home" Danny's mom so that something good would happen in this dullest-of-all seasons.
24 of 32 | Posted by Mrs. Petersen | Posted on September 8, 2005 12:21 AM
Jess -- me too re: Burnout 3. Actually, my Yellowcard knowledge stems back to SSX 3 and Madden 2004. When those bands get put on an EA game, you're stuck with them, and then after about three or four weeks, you can do nothing but capitulate to the mass market forces thrust upon you.
As for my state of bitterness, I actually was quite happy when I wrote the recap. After all, I had just seen my girl Janelle win the Veto on Big Brother. So maybe my bitterness was coming from some other deep, dark, repressed place. Scary.
25 of 32 | Posted by B-side | Posted on September 8, 2005 2:15 AM
"When I'm drunk, I like to pleasure myself."
In her defense she could be talking about anyhting. MAybe reading a good book brings her pleasure. Or knitting. It doesn't necesarily mean masturbation.
26 of 32 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on September 9, 2005 12:33 PM
RRIIIIGGHHTT....
27 of 32 | Posted by bacardi | Posted on September 9, 2005 5:33 PM
EdHill is the BEST. Thank you for that. ROFL
28 of 32 | Posted by brownstocking | Posted on September 11, 2005 7:07 PM
I like to pleasure myself even when I'm not drunk. haha! :p
29 of 32 | Posted by Holly | Posted on September 13, 2005 8:03 PM
B-Side, where is this weeks recap????
30 of 32 | Posted by KiKi | Posted on September 15, 2005 10:19 AM
yeah, i've been waiting for the new recap!!
31 of 32 | Posted by emily | Posted on September 16, 2005 2:56 PM
i've been waiting too!!!!!
32 of 32 | Posted by sophia | Posted on September 25, 2005 6:13 PM