Bienvenidos my cheesy enchiladas, ready to go back to Cancun for a long weekend?
I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat!
We're greeted with a neon blue sign flashing "Open Bar" - see, they speak Drunk American over there. No need to learn the local language. We go inside the open bar, and learn that Mexico has adorably adopted another native Drunk American custom - the Hot Bod Contest! Again, no translation necessary. And too bad, cause caliente is one of the words I know.
Brawny informs us that of course CJ just had to enter that hot bod contest. He mocks, but we know he's secretly thrilled.
Or not so secretly. Get this guy a paper towel.
At the Hot Bod event, Brawny is CJ's biggest fan. He's cheering louder than the gay guy. So, you have a nice body CJ. We got it. You did that first confessional shirtless, remember? But CJ needs more proof and he's taken to the masses in Cancun's finest open bar to get it. He even flashes his ass at the crowd! He does win the contest though.
Back home, Rihanna is telling Boyfriend that she's so in love with him that it's, like, disgusting. She tells him she's basically moping around the Real World house/oceanfront suite all day long, with everyone wondering what's wrong with her. "It's just cause I miss my boyfriend," she simpers. Oh great, another one of these. Tell us all about how your relationship is strong enough to withstand this. Tell us it's true love. Actually, don't. Just skip ahead to the part when you cheat on him. Let's catch up for the emotional breakup call. Actually, I could live without that too. Let's just meet for the aftermath, when you start acting out.
But of course, no skipping ahead. First we're going to endure the first of undoubtedly 1,635,929 phone calls between the lovebirds. He misses her. She wishes he was there. He has a constant stomachache. She wishes she had brought him here in her suitcase. Why? He already told you he had an upset stomach. He would have vomited all over all three bikinis that you brought and then you would have had nothing to wear at - oh. That's why.
The next day, Rihanna is enjoying a day in the sun with CJ and her coordinated turquoise sweatband. She asks him if he thinks it's bad that she thinks about her boyfriend all the time. Oh, barf. CJ, an older and much wiser person, sagely tells her that he was the same way when he was her age. And while I suppose there's an argument for a big difference between nineteen and twenty-four years old, any twenty-four year old that manages to squeeze onto the Real World is hardly at the mature end of the spectrum. But do go on, CJ. Tell us, oh wise man, of your journey. Your life. Your loves. That cheerleader you had sex with at regionals. Punting is a metaphor for life, is it not?
Your boyfriend is gonna love that you are snuggling with a hot half naked blonde who just won a bod contest to discuss how much you miss him.
Oh, and another thing about CJ's deep thoughts on love. They come to us in that very special Drunk American dialect, and that's Brody Jenner-ese. In other words, the whitest white guy ever talking like he's just driven his low rider in from Inglewood. Only CJ punctuates his with a lot of "dude"s. He keep's referring to Boyfriend as Rihanna's "your dude". She tells him how Boyfriend is her best friend in the whole world, and how she knows he's the only one for her. Then they talk about how pretty each others' eyes are. Then they snuggle on the lounge chair and caucus some more about how much Rihanna loves Boyfriend, and would never, ever cheat on him.
Can I ride you? Cuz that's not cheating, right?
For her part, Rihanna tells us what good friends her and CJ are becoming. And how she relates to him like no other in the house. She likes him best. Well of course she does, she just lies around and flirts with him all day! What's not enjoyable about that?
I'm just gonna massage your vajay with my peepee over this towel. Like a friend would do.
They remind us one more time, in the confessional as CJ, predictably shirtless, plays Brawny's guitar while Rihanna clings to him and gazes lovingly. The reason their friendship works, by the way, is because CJ respects that Rihanna has a boyfriend. Well, if that's how they want to spin it.
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Comments (10)
"CJ respects me! CJ respects Boyfriend! As soon as she gets home, she's back on the phone with Boyfriend, who sounds like he's about to die without her. This is so boring. And who does she think she's fooling?"
yeah, no kidding!!! i've been watching this shit since 1991!!! lol! same formula from the early 1990's, who knew?
1 of 10 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on July 2, 2009 5:25 PM
sorry but aiiiyahhiaiai really annoys me. "i don't like sarcasm whine whine." deal with it? it's called, a sense of humor, and she doesn't have one. if she was screaming "herpes on your lip" at me at the top of her drunken lungs i'd be pretty pissed, too, even if it was true.
i feel bad for the roommates because their job SUCKS. i can understand not being able to drink and smoke while on the job, but the whole time they're there...? it's a little ridick and doesn't sound like much fun at all.
2 of 10 | Posted by kmh5125 | Posted on July 2, 2009 5:43 PM
A few comments:
Chickbomb, didn't we have girls versus boys in Brooklyn last season and do you remember how vomit inducing that was?
Also, did anyone catch the confessional where Joey was talking how much he hates girls? My boyfriend was like, "Is he gay?" because his behavior was textbook homo (I'm a gay man, before anyone takes offense)
He promotes himself as drama-free, creates his own problems, and then plays the victim.... not cool!
Also, I like Jasmine more now too. Although, Derek suffered this week in my book. I don't get him saying he's neutral aka "Canada," but having an opinion and expressing it to everyone! I call Bullshit.
The CJ/Jonna relationship is annoying. Bring on Ayiia and Emily's insta-lesbianism next week!
3 of 10 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on July 3, 2009 4:09 AM
How does someone with 3 I's in their name not "get along" with sarcasm? When it comes down to it, I'd rather hang out with Joey than AyIIIa anyway. Actually, I'd rather hang out with Bronne because he's hilarious.
I'm really liking this season so far. It reminds me of Australia.I'm one of those dorks who has seen every season, too. For some reason I was randomly thinking of the Amaya / Colin relationship the other night. Weird, I know.
4 of 10 | Posted by sardini | Posted on July 3, 2009 7:23 AM
Ok, so first, just wanted to add the roommates getting on a bus isn't so weird bc in cancun there is a bus that runs up and down the strip for all of the drunk spring breakers to take instead of sketchy cabs.
Anyway, I think I actually dislike Derek the most. He is entirely too neutral...how could someone agree that spitting on someone's food was ok bc it was provoked?
I also really dislike Jonna and I don't really think she is as pretty as everyone says. I hate girls who can't get along with other girls.
Joey seems like he could be ok but has a lot of maturing to do. And the others seem ehh to me. They are all growing on me a little.
5 of 10 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on July 3, 2009 10:41 AM
Real World Cancun >>>>> Real World Brooklyn
I'm actually enjoyin this season so far...I had a few chuckles when Broone pretended to be Jo and ended up sacking up with CJ and the fake fight btw Joey and Ayaii was quite entertaining. I'm on team Joey from the whole altercation but he was shit outta luck when he started singing around the girls with his expensive guitar in hand.
I cant wait till next week when we see faux-lesbian hookup btw Ayaii and Emilee. The whole situation reminds me of the line Issac said about Rachel. "I think Rachel is a real Lesbian, not those, my dad didn't pay any attention to me, so I kiss random girls in club Lesbian."Issac def. deserves all the love he gets from us. That quote still gives me chuckles.
6 of 10 | Posted by lydecah89 | Posted on July 3, 2009 2:46 PM
Did anyone notice, during all the gratuitous cuddling, that it looked like Rihanna didn't have her "promise piercing" in? It looked like she had it off, then it would show her with a band-aid on.
I also tend to side with Joey, even though the whole thing was pretty stupid. Who doesn't like sarcasm? Sheesh.
7 of 10 | Posted by HandyManda | Posted on July 3, 2009 4:11 PM
Awesome recap Chick Bomb. The screenshots of CJ and Rihanna had me laughing out loud.
I think when Derek is saying he's Canada, it doesn't mean he's neutral, it means he's boring. It's a subtle difference.
I always tell all my friends when they go to Mexico they need to take the bus at least once. It's kind of like public transportation meets The Road Warrior, and is the most excitement you'll ever be able to buy in your life for a quarter.
"This will be the best experience of your life." Really Christina, well what the hell about my life, huh? The only reason I had decided to watch this show this season was to see drunken Real Worlders go pinballing around a prime party location, and now that's been taken away from me. This is all looking like a bait and switch situation right now, and I feel violated. Please God, let these yahoos have enough common sense to just come home to the Real World suite and get trashed there.
Anyway, awesome recap and keep them coming.
8 of 10 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 4, 2009 6:41 PM
Grrrrrreat recap Chickbomb!
I normally don't comment or anything, but I just had to let you know that everyone's favorite egomaniac Megan is getting her own show subtly titled "Megan Wants A Millionaire". Fail.
9 of 10 | Posted by mrawesome | Posted on July 4, 2009 8:55 PM
I can't believe no one's said it yet -- My first impression of Emiliee was "OMG - Colie 2.0!!"
10 of 10 | Posted by jennm926 | Posted on July 6, 2009 10:27 AM