Buenos dias chiquitas, you're never going to believe what happened to me! I went to Brooklyn for some sex, drinks and fighting...and I fell asleep. I think a whole season of the Real World might have happened, but I napped through it. All I know is, I woke up in Mexico! First day here, and I've already seem someone puke themselves. And you know what that means - it's the Real World Cancun! I feel like it's Navidad and MTV dropped a big hot tub filled with tequila in my backyard! Ready to vamanos? I've totally been practicing my Mexican.
The kids are already drunk.
We open with a little song, some homegrown video and a bunch of Real Worlders acting silly for the camera. The song is sung by one of the roomies, and it's about how much this guy really wants to be on the Real World. I'm already refreshed. A Real Worlder who actually admits to wanting to be on the Real World? What's next, a Real Worlder who actually admits having watched the show? These Cancunies are real revolutionaries. And then, the goofy camera antics are interrupted as a blonde, tattooed pierced guy tells us, "I firmly believe in alien takeover." I am sold. Sold! Of course he's followed by a scrawny chick shaking her JC Penny clad ass at the camera, but I'm just going to ignore that part and focus on the extraterrestrial thing.
That lip ring is a homing device.
Okay, now for the roomies. First up is CJ, twenty-four years old from Boca Raton, FL, which just happens to be where I'm from, so I'll say this nicely - this dude is waaaaaay too old for the Real World. Oh, but it gets better. CJ's a NFL free agent, he tells us. "What that means," he continues, "is that I'm not tied down to one particular team." Actually, what that means is you're unemployed.
So, five seconds on camera and I'm pretty confident I've got him pegged. Couldn't cut it in the NFL, cause lets face it, pro sports are to men what modeling is to women - if it hasn't happened by age twenty-two, you may as well ride whatever skill / eating disorder got you close enough in the first place into a McMansion with someone richer than you. And I think CJ's got the idea. No NFL for you puppy, but cute mixed with glory days and a dollop of fake Real World fame could easily land him a cougar with a settlement. So. Moving on.
Ayiiia is the online winner, and she proudly informs us that we wanted her there. Do not speak for me, Ayiiia. I will be the judge of whether I want you there or not, and it all depends on how much you're planning on embarrassing yourself. Give me a threesome or a trip to the ER and honey, we might just have a chance. She has a little kid in her homemade video. Already I'm nervous. I am still scarred from that wretched nightmare of morals and values over in Brooklyn.
Hold on a sec. I thought we were voting for the kid.
Next up is Jonna (pronounced Jon-AY, cause that totally makes sense) and Derek. They tell us this in an interview...together? If you know your Real World trivia, which sadly I do, you know this isn't the first time this has happened. Seattle has passed the torch to these two, but instead of military cadets, we've got two bartenders from some joint with a mechanical bull draped in a tacky Mexican blanket. And I'm sorry, they're not bartenders, they're servers. Humongous diff.
At least there's someone to do sidework.
And Jonna's boyfriend works there too! He makes her happy. He makes her laugh. And that night at her house, as Jonna takes the opportunity to show off her $5 weave and make me wonder if I'm having a Rock of Love flashback, Boyfriend tells her if he was leaving for four months, she'd be nervous too. "Of me cheating on you?" she queries hopefully. No, he assures her, of "anything happening". Anything stupid that might get between us, he continues. "Like me cheating on you?" she asks. Hmmm. Whatever will become of this relationship? I'll pause while you wipe the dripping sarcasm off your screen.
And then, as they say in the old reality game, comes the big "reveal"...this season of the Real World takes place in Cancun! Well, not news to us, but the roomies are really excited. Can you blame them? It's basically four months of spring break. And pig flu, but who knew?
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Comments (14)
Fastest recap evah??
Thank you for getting me up to date, haven't watched the show yet......
Wow, a Mexico resort town and these fools?
Hilariosity is bound to ensue... ( at least in these recaps I am sure!)
Loved it!
1 of 14 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on June 25, 2009 8:26 AM
You generally don't like short people?
2 of 14 | Posted by fineprint | Posted on June 25, 2009 8:30 AM
I'm sure CJ has completly blown his chance now of getting into the NFL. Because what every NFL team wants is a player who spends his off season being filmed by MTV getting trashed and hooking up with girls instead of conditioning and training.
3 of 14 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on June 25, 2009 11:49 AM
"Although she does admit to the whole Napoleon complex, and I respect that cause although I'm not short, I'm definitely a dictator. "
: ) so funny
4 of 14 | Posted by irina0717 | Posted on June 25, 2009 3:09 PM
Yeah...explain why you don't like short people. Do you know what we (short people) have to go through to post a comment? I have to jump from key to key just to spell ONE word.
Moving on. I don't like that way young American tourists treat Mexico. I mean no one would go out and puke in public were they in Paris (France, that is). Of couse they puke if they were in Paris Hitlon. Usually the country is treated like a trash can.
I live in a border town and when I used to go down to the clubs down there, man those kids didn't give a f...care.
Besides, isn't anyone scared of all the kidnappings/killings down there? Some bad peeps are bound to think that MTV would pay a pretty penny for a liquored up/drugged up "bro" from the USA.
5 of 14 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on June 25, 2009 5:13 PM
aaaaand does anyone elsed think they moved the show down there because legal drinking age is 18? This way the cast can be younger and dumber and we would avoid any pesky maturity or common sense.
6 of 14 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on June 25, 2009 5:16 PM
actually im pretty sure everyone in the cast is 21+ or the majority anyways... and i work for a company that deals with the legal aspects of reality filming.. and even tho the drinking age their is 18... mtv can promote 18 year olds drinking so it actually wouldnt benefit filming in any other way...
anyways...
a ring piercing? yeah... right up there with tatooing someone's name on you...
7 of 14 | Posted by jthomps | Posted on June 25, 2009 9:24 PM
did anyone else watch the show endurance? probably not. well its basically survivor for teenagers. jonna was on the first season. i think she won the whole thing. i hated her then and i hate her now. she was that girl who would win and then would cry about having to send people to fight for their lives on the show. i always hate those people. but yeah cj is BANGIN
8 of 14 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on June 25, 2009 10:18 PM
Bronne reminds me of Isaac a little bit. Btw, I think Isaac is the funniest real world cast member ever, his whole speech from the Duel 2, about "I think Rachel is a real Lesbian, not those, my dad didn't pay any attention to me, so I kiss random girls in club Lesbian." still gets a chuckle out of me.
9 of 14 | Posted by nflow | Posted on June 26, 2009 12:10 AM
Joey is a hoot. Even though he is probably a total ass, it seems funny to me. Also, did anyone notice the line in Rihanna's boyfriend's little list of things that he loved about her that said "you cleaning me"? Huh?
10 of 14 | Posted by texasgal75 | Posted on June 26, 2009 1:53 AM
Chickboooooomb! Welcome back, and I think this seasons has MUCH more promise to damage the image of young people in our country today than those snoozers in Brooklyn and their silly pranks and paeans to tampons. I'm so glad you're here to help us through it. Glad to have you back again!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 26, 2009 10:50 AM
I have decided that Joey is my favorite. And he's kinda hot in a skeevy way. Like you said, his excitement to get some "ass" didn't even bother me. I actually thought it was cute! I hope he hooks up with Jonna and wins his bet.
CJ is hot too, but he reminds me of a hotter version of the goober hillbilly from Australia. What was his name, Coda, or something? Anyhoo, my money's on him to sleep with a roommate first. Probably Emilee.
12 of 14 | Posted by jadestarla | Posted on June 26, 2009 5:44 PM
It seems to me that they took the Brooklyn casting template (token black girl, meathead jock, puerto rican gay man, etc.) and applied it to a locale that would be more amenable to drama. Not that I'm complaining... YET!
13 of 14 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on June 30, 2009 5:44 AM
Excellent recap as always! Against my better judgment, I have started watching AGAIN, even though I swore I wouldn't. I'm almost as old as CJ, and since he's too old to be on the show, I'm probably way too old to be watching it. Allllllso.....I do not find Joey endearing; I think he is trying too hard and I find him to be a douche. But that's most likely because cocky, skinny-jeans-clad musicians are not my thang.
And why do people with the theory that they're ohhhhhhh-soooooo-in-loooooove with their significant other back home, but they can have "cuddle buddies" of the opposite sex while away because it's completely "innocent" keep showing up on these shows? Good god, it is NOT innocent. Does MTV seek these people out?!........Oh, wait. Did I really just ask that? Of course they do.
14 of 14 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on July 1, 2009 6:57 PM