And now for the next standard, everyday lunchtime question courtesy of Insecuritee, and that's, "What's everyone's ethnicity? Let's start with you," she says pointing at Ayiiia. This brings us to the revelation that Insecuritee, Rihanna and Derek were all adopted. Then they bond over having ADD and anxiety. Let's take a quick inventory of what we're working with here: Hooters waitresses, ADD, anxiety, insecurity, closeted homosexuality, abandonment issues, a failed NFL career and tequila. I really owe whoever cast this thing at least one drink. Maybe even a steak dinner, depending on how it all plays out.
They toast to their potpourri of issues, and in comes the last roomie, Joey! Now I really enjoyed the last Joey that passed through the Real World, so I've got high hopes for this one. Also, he's the one who believes in aliens. He tells us it's his dream to play his music for an arena full of teenage girls, so if you see this guy hanging round your local JoBro concert I'd definitely alert the authorities. In Cancun...well, it's Cancun.
WHATTUP?! Can we go somewhere...younger?
Joey strolls in and everyone hugs him. He's not in his chair for two seconds and one of the girls wants to know if he's gay or straight. Joey informs the world that not only does he like girls, but he also plans on being the first roomie to "Get ass. Know what I'm sayin'?" Yes. I do. But despite that, you still seem somehow likable.
And then it's time to check out the new house! They set out on a party bus, of course taking a moment to make a pact to "always have each others' backs". They're so excited and holy crap, I am too when they pull up to the ME Resort and are shown to their oceanfront suite! I know I make fun of that stupid ME Resort every time I see it on TV but I recently visited one in person and it was very, very nice. These are pretty lucky Real Worlders. Sucks for us though. That suite's too nice to fight in.
If you misbehave, those Coraline portraits will come off the wall and turn into a giant scary Teri Hatcher.
Oh, but wait. Jasmine, who we've already established is no picnic in the park, is going to room with Ayiiia, who shares her philosophy of "tell it like it is". So, there's a pretty good chance of that imploding. "BFFs of the house. It's a wrap!" squawks Jasmine. She's pretty irritating.
So obviously, they're completely flipping out over the house. And then they're on the hunt for the confessional. Cause having the camera on them isn't enough - they need to be talking to it too. Such attention whores, I love it. CJ and Joey do theirs topless and talk about how muy fun Cancun-o is. Clearly I'm not the only one practicing the languag-o.
The girls talk about how much they love everyone, but especially CJ. Jasmine accessorizes with a ME trucker hat. Ugh, can we not get through one season of the Real World without a damn trucker hat? It's Mexico. Try a sombrero.
Cue sad violin music and Rihanna checking her email. And telling Boyfriend, via the confessional, how much she loves him and how her "promise piercing" is permanently implanted in her finger and that's how she knows they'll be together forever. She shows everyone the list he made of all the things he likes about her. It's like a little marketing pitch and reference letter all rolled into one.
Brains and talent are right under "you've never brought me the wrong side dish."
But enough about Boyfriend, there's a viewing public to entertain. She walks the beach with Insecuritee and they discuss who they think will be the first in the house to "hook up". Insecuritee makes it clear to us that she's got the hots for CJ, he's her "type". But she plays it cool with Rihanna. Aha. So there's already strategy.
And we learn a little more about Insecuritee as she sits and chats with Brawny and Joey a little while later. She tells them that it takes her forty minutes to get ready to go to work at Hooters, and "for me this is short". Is she serious? Who's got that kind of time? And why would you waste it getting tarted up of to serve beer?
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Comments (14)
Fastest recap evah??
Thank you for getting me up to date, haven't watched the show yet......
Wow, a Mexico resort town and these fools?
Hilariosity is bound to ensue... ( at least in these recaps I am sure!)
Loved it!
1 of 14 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on June 25, 2009 8:26 AM
You generally don't like short people?
2 of 14 | Posted by fineprint | Posted on June 25, 2009 8:30 AM
I'm sure CJ has completly blown his chance now of getting into the NFL. Because what every NFL team wants is a player who spends his off season being filmed by MTV getting trashed and hooking up with girls instead of conditioning and training.
3 of 14 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on June 25, 2009 11:49 AM
"Although she does admit to the whole Napoleon complex, and I respect that cause although I'm not short, I'm definitely a dictator. "
: ) so funny
4 of 14 | Posted by irina0717 | Posted on June 25, 2009 3:09 PM
Yeah...explain why you don't like short people. Do you know what we (short people) have to go through to post a comment? I have to jump from key to key just to spell ONE word.
Moving on. I don't like that way young American tourists treat Mexico. I mean no one would go out and puke in public were they in Paris (France, that is). Of couse they puke if they were in Paris Hitlon. Usually the country is treated like a trash can.
I live in a border town and when I used to go down to the clubs down there, man those kids didn't give a f...care.
Besides, isn't anyone scared of all the kidnappings/killings down there? Some bad peeps are bound to think that MTV would pay a pretty penny for a liquored up/drugged up "bro" from the USA.
5 of 14 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on June 25, 2009 5:13 PM
aaaaand does anyone elsed think they moved the show down there because legal drinking age is 18? This way the cast can be younger and dumber and we would avoid any pesky maturity or common sense.
6 of 14 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on June 25, 2009 5:16 PM
actually im pretty sure everyone in the cast is 21+ or the majority anyways... and i work for a company that deals with the legal aspects of reality filming.. and even tho the drinking age their is 18... mtv can promote 18 year olds drinking so it actually wouldnt benefit filming in any other way...
anyways...
a ring piercing? yeah... right up there with tatooing someone's name on you...
7 of 14 | Posted by jthomps | Posted on June 25, 2009 9:24 PM
did anyone else watch the show endurance? probably not. well its basically survivor for teenagers. jonna was on the first season. i think she won the whole thing. i hated her then and i hate her now. she was that girl who would win and then would cry about having to send people to fight for their lives on the show. i always hate those people. but yeah cj is BANGIN
8 of 14 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on June 25, 2009 10:18 PM
Bronne reminds me of Isaac a little bit. Btw, I think Isaac is the funniest real world cast member ever, his whole speech from the Duel 2, about "I think Rachel is a real Lesbian, not those, my dad didn't pay any attention to me, so I kiss random girls in club Lesbian." still gets a chuckle out of me.
9 of 14 | Posted by nflow | Posted on June 26, 2009 12:10 AM
Joey is a hoot. Even though he is probably a total ass, it seems funny to me. Also, did anyone notice the line in Rihanna's boyfriend's little list of things that he loved about her that said "you cleaning me"? Huh?
10 of 14 | Posted by texasgal75 | Posted on June 26, 2009 1:53 AM
Chickboooooomb! Welcome back, and I think this seasons has MUCH more promise to damage the image of young people in our country today than those snoozers in Brooklyn and their silly pranks and paeans to tampons. I'm so glad you're here to help us through it. Glad to have you back again!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 26, 2009 10:50 AM
I have decided that Joey is my favorite. And he's kinda hot in a skeevy way. Like you said, his excitement to get some "ass" didn't even bother me. I actually thought it was cute! I hope he hooks up with Jonna and wins his bet.
CJ is hot too, but he reminds me of a hotter version of the goober hillbilly from Australia. What was his name, Coda, or something? Anyhoo, my money's on him to sleep with a roommate first. Probably Emilee.
12 of 14 | Posted by jadestarla | Posted on June 26, 2009 5:44 PM
It seems to me that they took the Brooklyn casting template (token black girl, meathead jock, puerto rican gay man, etc.) and applied it to a locale that would be more amenable to drama. Not that I'm complaining... YET!
13 of 14 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on June 30, 2009 5:44 AM
Excellent recap as always! Against my better judgment, I have started watching AGAIN, even though I swore I wouldn't. I'm almost as old as CJ, and since he's too old to be on the show, I'm probably way too old to be watching it. Allllllso.....I do not find Joey endearing; I think he is trying too hard and I find him to be a douche. But that's most likely because cocky, skinny-jeans-clad musicians are not my thang.
And why do people with the theory that they're ohhhhhhh-soooooo-in-loooooove with their significant other back home, but they can have "cuddle buddies" of the opposite sex while away because it's completely "innocent" keep showing up on these shows? Good god, it is NOT innocent. Does MTV seek these people out?!........Oh, wait. Did I really just ask that? Of course they do.
14 of 14 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on July 1, 2009 6:57 PM