Welcome back to the Real World Cancun! I don't mind telling you, I've spent the week hating Mexico. I've had a horrible sore throat / achy / coughing / fever / vomiting thing that a quick check on the internet had me convinced was Swine Flu. I'm all about the self diagnosis, by the way. In my time, I have misdiagnosed myself with everything from a brain anneurism to pregnancy. Luckily, Xanax has cured them all.
So, while I spent the week hating Mexico and everything related for giving me the Swine...turns out I just have a wretched case of tonsillitis. Did you know that your tonsils disappear as you get older? Crazy, huh? Where do they go? And what was my point here? I don't think I had one. I think I just wanted to tell my Swine Flu story. So anyways, now that I don't have the Swine and don't hate Mexico, let's get on with the show.
How many times in one episode can Rhianna showcase her baby maker? The answer will astound you.
We open up with the newsflash that Joey and Ayiiia are still not speaking. Wait, I'm confused. Wasn't that two episodes ago? Ayiiia's whole scraping interlude kind of threw me off. Anyway, he says we have "no idea" how much he hates her. Yes, we do. She says he's lower than a "piece of poop". I'm telling you, these two crazy kids might just be perfect for each other!
And then it's time for the Student City staff meeting in the hotel. They are broken up into two teams: Rihanna, Jasmine, Derek and Joey on one team; and Ayiiia, CJ, Brawny and Emilee on the other. As soon as the meeting's over, Ayiiia's whispering in boss lady Christina's ear about the whole incident with Joey and CJ. And surprise, surprise. Ayiiia's still singing the "I didn't dooooo anything!" song.
Luckily, we don't have to endure too much of her today because I really don't have the patience. But what we are getting today is a visit from Rihanna's Boyfriend! She has the group working on a little art project to count down the days until Boyfriend arrives. Then they talk on the phone. There are a lot of "baby"s. Not really having much patience for that, either.
Or this weave. Girl, who lets you out of the house looking like that?
Then we get a completely useless scene where the team captains are asking the roomies about who has significant others back home. Which leads to the Rihanna & Boyfriend story, which leads to yet another assurance that nobody's cheating on anybody, which leads to another half hour of filler until someone does just that.
But I suppose we should recap what happens in between. That night, Christina bids a fond farewell to her ducklings as she heads off the far more exotic spring break locale of Panama City, Florida. G-L-A-M-O-R-OUSSSSS. Christina has abandoned her ill fated Farrah-do for more of a Lauren Conrad thing. She's not pulling this look off either. But it's a slight improvement. How did these recaps become about Christina's hair? Anyhow, she tells them she doesn't want any trouble or any "phone calls". I'm looking into my Real World crystal ball and I see...a phone call.
And a vagina.
But first I see a spring break party! The partygoers are having a blast, the roomies look bored. All except Joey and his herpes, who are lurking around the pool looking for hos to "mack on". Then Joey and his herpes tell us how he hasn't "raged" for two nights, and he really wants to "rage". Gotta rage, man. Throw in the ridiculous zebra print bandana, and this might be the sequel to that Vanilla Ice movie from the 80's.
After the party, Joey brings who the roommates call "the hooker from the booty contest" home, and I couldn't have written a better description myself! He drags her back to his room, they climb into bed...and nothing happens? They come out of the room looking completely disheveled and gross, but he says it was a no go. Wow. When a ho of that caliber is too grossed out to hook up with you...well, might be time to pop another Valtrex, honey.
I thought True Blood made open sores sexy again!
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Comments (14)
Yes Rihanna's a ho, but boyfriend did bring it on himself. There is nothing less attractive to a woman than a whiny, insecure guy. Every time you see a beautiful woman with a "what's she doing with him" - kind of guy, the answer is that guy, despite knowing the girl was out of his league, had the balls and confidence to go for it, and women find that attractive. Or maybe the guy has billion dollars. But that gives you confidence too. Either way. I'm kinda bored with this season lately but hopefully things will pick up. Funny recap though . . and that mullet is definitely a weave. Love ya CB.
1 of 14 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on August 4, 2009 6:32 AM
Oh, Rihanna. YES that's weave, a really bad weave. And I love the girl but good lord, she's a hot silly mess with boys. She reminds me of myself at 19, constant desperate flirting to confirm that yes, I'm attractive and boys like me! Hopefully she'll grow up and realize all that is not necessary.
It's still a nice break from Ayiiiiiia's bipolar episodes. And watching Joey's lame antics makes me miss the lovable insanity of the other Joey, from the Hollywood season. Now that was an alcoholic, emotionally damaged meathead I enjoyed watching!
2 of 14 | Posted by spinal11 | Posted on August 4, 2009 7:07 AM
I HATE JOEY. That is all I have to say about that. He is so generic; such a cliche.
JasonR, I respectfully disagree about Rihanna's boyfriend. Yes, insecurity is annoying, but cheating is never someone else's fault. You get fed up with their whining? Break it off and then have all the fun you want. Cheaters are just people who want to have their cake and eat it too.
Also, I have to say that I watch reality but I'm very into indie so their marketing ploys aren't completely off. I know.....I'm so complex. And deep.
3 of 14 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on August 4, 2009 11:13 AM
I watched this with my cousin about 6 hours before his wedding. He was so worked up about the cheating he turned it off. I loved the part when nasty weave was sleeping with that guy and he said "one hand" and it went under the blanket. I say two more eps and she hooks up with that dj.
4 of 14 | Posted by newcastlefan | Posted on August 4, 2009 11:31 AM
So, it that a "thing" among skanks? Go on cock-tease dates with guys, talk a blue streak about your boyfriend the whole time, then let them fuck you anyway? It certainly seems to be recurrent behavior on Real World enough. Somebody with a Ph.D. in Abnormal Psychology should study this. Might be enlightening.
I also find it amusing that the McJob this season is essentially to party during Spring Break, and one of these children can't even be counted on to do that.
5 of 14 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on August 4, 2009 12:32 PM
umm... isn't the job essentially NOT to party during Spring Break? That would seem to be the problem...
It's too bad Joey's behavior is making Ayiiiiiiiiia look like a saint.
just because you say you would never cheat on your boyfriend 100 times to the camera and to all your roommates, it doesn't make it true, and no, cuddling and snuggling under blankets is not innocent.
It's clear her boyfriend is so insecure because he knows exactly what she's like.
Bronne is there for the one liners and random observations. B/B+... he's no isaac.
im surprised that this season doesnt nearly get as many comments as last's... i guess everyone wanted so badly to complain about how boring brooklyn was and how much they wanted sex and cheating and fights and drama?.... and now, we don't get to hear from them when that's what Cancun is? lame.
i enjoy your recaps... and get the whole joey tirade, but felt herpes overkill on the jokes.
agree with all the other points.
keep em coming!
6 of 14 | Posted by hollagirl2 | Posted on August 4, 2009 12:40 PM
Hollagirl2, I comment whether the season is boring or exciting, but I think after Vowel cutting herself and this episode not being that interesting, the comments are not coming.
Trust me, I've been commenting on Chickbomb's RW recaps since Australia and that was what? 4 seasons ago? I'm an old-timer on this site now...
I'm old.
7 of 14 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on August 4, 2009 3:40 PM
I'm starting to think Rihanna is actually 7 different people. The girl looks like a different person everytime they show her. Throughout the season people have called her hot, stunning, breathtaking, etc. Maybe there is something wrong with me because I don't see anything attractive about this girl. She looks like a total sloppy mess!
I am looking forward to the episode where Brawny isn't shouting. I don't think he knows how to talk in a normal voice. He reminds me of the infomercial guy who passed away recently.
8 of 14 | Posted by judyjudy | Posted on August 5, 2009 7:42 AM
Double judy-agreed. I never thought RiRi was that hot either. I was wondering when the little weave-wearing vixen was going to get her cheat on. About time girl, CJ got it done and over with in the first or second episode.
And wasn't it one of the first couple of episodes where Derek was telling CJ & Joey what a slut RiRi used to be, but now since she's w/Matt she's such a good girl and she will never cheat on him?
Love your capping ChickBomb.
9 of 14 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on August 5, 2009 8:41 AM
oh rhianna! she is quite the silly weave wearin ho. i love the fact that she "likes" matt and all but not as much as she loves the cock. i also agree that she's a hot mess. ps - i love the voice on the 500 days of summer commercials. it belongs in a horror movie but for some reason is promoting a romantic comedy.
10 of 14 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on August 5, 2009 12:34 PM
Rihanna is so stupid. I can't judge because sometimes I've been in the same situations myself but the flirting hasn't gotten past verbal and I've never snuggled with another guy whilst with a boyfriend.
Joey irritates me. I'd never touch him with a ten inch pole because he has diseases and he has a head that looks like a banana - sort of like Rumer Willis (who's a potato head).
Don't even get me started on Ayiiia.
11 of 14 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on August 5, 2009 5:26 PM
YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY RETARDED.
HAVE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEN THIS SHOW.
HER NAME IS JONNA (pronounced Jonnay), NOT FUCKING RIHANNA. I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL YOU CAME UP WITH RIHANNA BUT ITS NOT HER NAME.
12 of 14 | Posted by ccccaaassssssssssiiiieeee | Posted on August 10, 2009 10:28 PM
NEEEEEVERMIND
i just read the first article
and realized rihanna is some weird nickname
i still think its ridiculous
.....
hahahahaha
13 of 14 | Posted by ccccaaassssssssssiiiieeee | Posted on August 10, 2009 10:34 PM
I bet your face is so red...
14 of 14 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on August 11, 2009 6:11 AM