Welcome back to the Real World Cancun! Ding, dong the herpes is dead! Tonight, the star of the show is Jasmine!, her four feet of drama,
...and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.
We're back in Cancun to the strains of Joey's sad Gone music. Brawny thinks this is the worst day ever or something stupid like that. Everybody's Gay Bestie Derek snuggles with a pillow and tells us he's pretending it's Joey. What, like they were hanging around the suite just snuggling all the time and Derek's going to miss that? When did those two even speak? Derek's such a follower. Everyone else is sad Joey's gone, I will be too. I'll snuggle over it.
Huh?
So basically you're back home gettin' high and texting. Poorly. You so didn't need this show.
But there's one roomie who sure isn't sad that Joey's gone, and it's Ayiiia. Before we go any further, I have to tell a funny story about Ayiiia. Me, Flippy, J Mo, Honey G & Monamonzano were having a caucus about the Real World on Friday night (yes, we all hung out and it was delightful) and at some point someone asked me what was the deal with the three 'i's in her name. "Oh no, there's only two 'i's," I corrected them. I am the Real World expert, am I not? Well, actually - no, I'm not. "No, it's three," I was informed by multiple sources. Huh, I thought, interesting.
Cut to an hour later as we're gasping with laughter outside over Joey's complete lack of accountability in getting up for work in the morning. "What am I supposed to do, just WAKE UP?" we acted out on Hollywood Blvd. "Oh, and by the way," interrupted Flippy, "Why can't you spell that chick's name right? It's three 'i's, dammit! I have to do a find and replace on every single recap!" I really did think she only had two 'i's. I was actually wondering on the comments why everyone was making such a big deal about all the vowels. So, how does one say dumbass in espanol?
Anyway, back to Ayiiia, she's really happy that Joey's gone. She gives another lofty speech about karma and I think it's just about time to shut the hell up about it. You're on the asshole train too, sister, you just manage to make it to work on time. Ayiiia and Jassy ceremoniously toss Joey's creepy doll head that he bought into the ocean, and Jassy comments that she'd pretty much love for Ayiiia to shut up now too. Piglet CJ tells us what a great person Joey is, and what a great energy he brought to the house. Piglet's feeling really bad about this alarm clock watch thing. Joey was a disease.
And so is crazy. Both can be suppressed, but never completely cured.
The next day, Buzzkill Boss Christina is coming to visit the group. Brawny tells us that they're all wearing attire honoring Joey. That means they all look like idiots. Then they sit and sulk like third graders. But Christina tells them it's not personal, and they need to "dig deep" to do their jobs. Then she springs some charity gig on them. Xtina's no dummy. They can't slack off on a charity event! Although, CJ, the oldest in the house does set a lovely tone by shuffling out of the room with a mumbled, "Whatever."
Later that day, Emilee (did I spell that one right?) gets a care package of Adderall from her Mom. It is an enormous package of drugs. Emilee does a happy dance everywhere. "It keeps me organized," she tells us flakily. Sure honey, you just keep taking that Adderall and dancing at Hooters. I mean, serving hot wings there. You know what I mean.
That night, Jassy's out at the club with everyone's least favorite scrawny ass lame loser DJ from Canada telling him, "You've thrown me off my game so bad it's not even funny." First of all, I heart little four foot tall Jassy, but she has no game. Rihanna has game. Oh, we also had a discussion about her skanky weave covered goodies, and why every spring breaker in Cancun seemed to want them. I think Flippy had a theory about trashy vacation sex.
The theory was that Jasmine will never have it.
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Comments (18)
Chickbomb... my theory on the Scrawny Pat thing is that he isn't attracted to black girls.
1 of 18 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on August 18, 2009 5:23 AM
slutty_whore: I think he doesn't like the type of girl that throws themselves at you. I think Rhianna is so popular because she is a challenge with the whole boyfriend thing. I don't know. Rhianna is a mystery. She is proof that even if you aren't the most attractive, if you act like you are others will think so too.
2 of 18 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on August 18, 2009 5:50 AM
I felt bad for Jasmine this episode, but I am w/ Baxter, I think Patty doesn't like girls who throw themselves at guys. Rhianna is once again, proving that she is a Slutty McSluterson. I would probably be mad too. AND SHE HAS A B/F!!! WTF
3 of 18 | Posted by plockeness monster | Posted on August 18, 2009 8:35 AM
Love your recaps!
Also, I am going to hazard a guess and say the proper phrasing is Rihanna HAD a boyfriend, I am sure he dropped her ass like a hot skanktato
4 of 18 | Posted by Kara | Posted on August 18, 2009 8:46 AM
I loved when Jasmine stormed in the room, started hitting Derek, and he hit her on the head with a shoe- like she was a bug.
When their boss threatened to send them all home I was laughing at how naive they all are. MTV wouldn't have a show if she pulled that. She may be their boss, but she does not have that much power.
5 of 18 | Posted by sheiney | Posted on August 18, 2009 8:55 AM
Culo estupido - That's my guess... Appropriate for all appearing on this show...
Thanks for the recaps!
6 of 18 | Posted by jungaluv | Posted on August 18, 2009 9:34 AM
Chickbomb! Yes, it was delightful as always! I still love you even if you didn't know how to spell Ayiiiiiiiiia's name!
These kids better hope they can parlay their pitiful reality TV careers into some kind of slackupation that starts at noon (or preferably after dark, such as being vampires) because they're going to have a rude awakening (!!!) when they enter the REAL Real World. Those burgers ain't gonna flip themselves.
Awesome recap as always, and we will catch you again the next time we come to L.A.! Much love to you!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Close yo' laigs to married men!
7 of 18 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 18, 2009 10:03 AM
You guys might be right about Pat wanting someone who doesn't make it so easy to get laid, but isn't that kind of the point of Spring Break?
I just have felt over the past few weeks that Pat's behavior of trying to distance himself from Jasmine is because he's not attracted to her physically (for whatever reason) and is too much of a coward to just be upfront about it. At this juncture, where Jasmine has not taken the hint time after time, most men would be blunt rather than the passive-aggressive bullshit of being cute and "not-dating" the girl you're not into's roommate.
Or they would pity-fuck the girl they're not into.
Scrawny hasn't done either, which led me to believe he's stringing her along and not being specific for another reason.
On an unrelated topic, I'm so glad to hear that Brawny is FINALLY getting a story other than bedding Not-Playmate and Cougar. Good times!
8 of 18 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on August 18, 2009 10:34 AM
This was my favorite line from this episode: "I don't care what Jasmine thinks, he's my friend," "I'm not going to stop being friends with him because Jasmine's a psycho."
Cause here is the translation: "My loyalties don't lie with my roommate who I am fully aware wants to be with this guy that doesn't want to be with her. (which by the way we have ALL been through) So I'm going to throw it in her face how easy it would be for me to hook up with him, all the while throwing Boyfriend's name out there so I look completely innocent of any wrongdoing."
Look, all I'm saying is, Rhianna might not be the one getting drunk, sloppy and emotional - but if you asked me who I'd rather be friends with, it'd be crazyJass in a fucking heartbeat!
Oh - I totally agree with the LA 'Gasm-gathering that that the whole, "what am I supposed to do, just wake up?" thing totally makes me laugh!! I think next time I'm late for work I'm going to use that excuse with my boss and see how fast she shit-cans my ass!
9 of 18 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on August 18, 2009 12:23 PM
i don't think that Scrawny isn't into black girls cause rihanna is half black isn't she...?
i just think he thinks the crazy lioned-hair toothpick is fug. straight up.
10 of 18 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on August 18, 2009 1:05 PM
carmelicious:
I couldn't agree more! If I had to choose between Jasmine and Rihanna I take Jasmine. Rihanna is definitely not a "girl's girl".
11 of 18 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on August 18, 2009 1:59 PM
Rihanna is so one of those girls who says "I don't have a lot of girlfriends and I'm not really sure why"
12 of 18 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on August 18, 2009 5:35 PM
I didn't realize Ri Ri was half-black.
13 of 18 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on August 18, 2009 5:50 PM
CHICKBOMB,
It was awesome meeting you on Friday night and hilarious to read your recaps now knowing you in person!!! I can't believe you left me out of the list of cool people you were hanging out with, though. It wouldn't have been such a party without me, Mr. Honey Gangsta. :)
14 of 18 | Posted by shelterman | Posted on August 18, 2009 7:29 PM
Ugh. Just ugh.
15 of 18 | Posted by judyjudy | Posted on August 18, 2009 10:29 PM
well Rihanna at least looks half black to me so i assume she is...she also has black girl hair when shes not wearing that long weave
16 of 18 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on August 19, 2009 10:06 AM
Rihanna is half black - Hence why her name is Rihanna for pete's sake. She's a black chick with blue eyes, as CJ mentioned in an earlier episode.
I'd choose to be friends with Rihanna over Jazzy any day. But I feel that I'd be giving Rihanna a taste of her own medicine as I'd steal her bfs and associates.
17 of 18 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on August 20, 2009 5:33 PM
I know this was a few episodes ago...but how come no one addressed the fact that Aiiiiya hooked up with Emilee and Aiiiya has a boyfriend back home... what was that about??
18 of 18 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on August 21, 2009 1:39 PM