"So, what do you do for a living?" Meathead asks Blondie, not cause he cares, just because he wants to tell her what he does. Turns out she's a bartender. Thank goodness. There aren't nearly enough girls taking breaks from their small town bartending gigs to be on reality TV. And you, she queries back politely. "I'm a personal trainer," he tells her proudly, one eye glancing up from some serious map reading. Blondie seems excited, yet surprised at Meathead's chosen profession. The surprise has offended Meathead and his big muscles. "What, you couldn't tell?" he asks her, clearly miffed.
Where's Disneyland?
But Blondie thinks Meathead is very friendly and very nice. Meathead thinks Blondie is beautiful and sweet. They are fetched by a driver in a straw cowboy hat and a flame-painted button down shirt, who drives them down Sunset Blvd. to their new house. He points out the Chateau Marmont along the way. "That's where Lindsay Lohan hangs out!" Blondie screeches excitedly. It's also where they have a desert called The Welcome To Hollywood Cake. Flourless chocolate, covered in lines of powdered sugar, and served on a mirror. Blondie is an E! True Hollywood Story just waiting to happen, and so far, that's what I'm liking about her.
Blondie wants to know if Meathead's ever been to LA. Nope, never has. In fact, Meathead hasn't been anywhere, ever! "You're kidding!" says Blondie incredulously, with all the shock of a true world traveler, who has no doubt just jetted to Colombia, South Carolina from Capri.
Next, we meet Dave, twenty-two, from Pennsylvania, who besides seeking generic reality show fame, doesn't know what he wants to do in Hollywood. He does know he excels at baseball, track, snowboard, surf, wakeboard, and oh, how are awesome are you Dave, let us count the ways! And he does, telling us that everything he picks up, he's good at. To solve this crazy conundrum of life, Dave's looking for something that he's extraordinary at. Well, you're pretty good at acting like a bloviated jackass on cable.
You think that might be something you'd want to look into long term?
Anyway, Dave strolls around Venice beach (again, nowhere near Hollywood, but if I'm going to be sitting here pointing out falsities and inaccuracies, well, I may as well be watching The Hills), and then we meet Sarah, sitting on a bench. Sarah's a good-goody from Arizona, who just graduated Arizona State, only the biggest party school in the land, at age twenty. Which tells me she obviously didn't do college right. I bet you a hundred dollars Sarah's a pageant girl, cause her chosen career path is broadcast journalism. We see a couple of clips of Sarah at her campus radio news station, interestingly entitled the "Cronkite Newsroom". All the hard hitting news stories are coming out of Arizona State, you know.
"Fine place for a girl and a suitcase," is Dave's droll pickup like to Sarah. Sarah thinks Dave is the football player type. He thinks she's sweet, and obviously an overachiever, what with the whole graduating college at twenty thing. They get in the car, and it only takes Sarah a minute or so to bring her boyfriend into the conversation. Dave wants to know if it's a serious relationship. Sarah pauses for a moment, and then says the boyfriend has recently moved to New York. So it's a long distance thing? "You're definitely not going home in a relationship!" Dave advises her. Sarah just laughs, cause really, everyone knows going to the Real World house is just a passive aggressive way to end your relationship.
We're taking a commercial break.
Meanwhile, in her casting video, Sarah's boyfriend whips off his wire rimmed glasses, gets in our faces and warns the world that if any of the roommates do anything with his girl, he's going to hunt them down and kick their ass. I would love to see this Doogie looking nerd throw down with Meathead. Please let him Sarah's first drunken house hookup.
And over on Hollywood Blvd., we meet Will, who does some break dancing moves on the sidewalk. Will is the dreadlocked "producer" - if you need a song, he makes it happen for you. Or if you're innocently walking down Hollywood Blvd., and you want someone to shove their CD of crappy music in your face and then try and guilt you into making a "donation" to them, Will can make that happen too.
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Comments (22)
Stripper totally does look like an albino. Her hair is exactly the same color as her skin. Ew.
1 of 22 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on April 19, 2008 3:55 PM
Greg probably was just brought in to be the villain. Trisha stirred so much shit last season, they probably wanted to make sure they had a trouble maker in the house. They say he was "picked online", but I really don't remember MTV advertising about picking a Real Worlder online. I think they just said that to create a division between him and the others from the start. I mean, you know how manipulative reality producers can be.
As for the other roommates :
Joey : Seems like a nice guy, with an apparently bad temper. He says in one episode he had a "problem" and I'm guessing it steroids (which may have caused his upcoming rage fits).
Blondie (can't remember her real name) : Not a huge fan of hers. I think the comment she made about Will she comes from the fact that she's ignorant and hasn't been around diverse people. She may not necessarily be a racist though.
Briana : She's alright. I'm not judging her based on her job, because that's kind of wrong. But her mentioning being in the "Top 45" on Idol was a little lame.
Will : Don't have a solid opinion on him yet. Although I did think it was wrong for him to judge Briana for being a stripper, at least he did apologize afterwards.
Sarah : Again, don't have a real opinion of her yet. She kind of reminds me of Sarah from Philadelphia (and not just cause of her name). Kind of random, and I'm not sure why, but she does.
Dave : Who? I don't really remember much about him, but he didn't get a lot of camera time. Hopefully he won't be the token "who's that?" roommate that get no camera time, because they are always just wastes of space.
Love or hate him, at least we can thank Greg for making this episode pretty interesting (or shall I say "prety" interesting). The personalities of the others didn't come through all the way, but it is only the first episode. Hopefully, this will be a more tolerable, enjoyable season than the annoying, childish "Sydney" season.
2 of 22 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on April 19, 2008 4:54 PM
good call on the blondie/pumpkin thing
3 of 22 | Posted by kelseym13 | Posted on April 19, 2008 5:32 PM
just to claaaarify...
pretyboy was picked from an online contest regardless if you didnt know the contest was going on, doesnt mean it didnt exist...
the producers had nothing to do with it...
it was an mtv based contest. not a bunim-murray productions contest.
interesting recap... cant wait to see how the season progresses and if everyones lives up to their pegs.
4 of 22 | Posted by hollagirl2 | Posted on April 19, 2008 6:56 PM
#2:
I don't know why you're being so nice. These people are your typical 20-something idiots. All of them, maaaybe except for Sarah and Will.
Blondie's comments, though probably inspired by pure naivete, made me want to strangle my TV. Greg's "peasant" comments left me aghast and disgusted.
Dave and Meathead are just so f*cking stupid it hurts.
5 of 22 | Posted by kizik | Posted on April 19, 2008 7:19 PM
Oh how I wish this were ANTM, because Briana (sp?) is in desperate need of a makeover episode.
To be continued...
6 of 22 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 19, 2008 9:19 PM
I like Briana, although good call on her being a drama queen. She seems nice, though.
Funny how Will started out liking Ms. Albino then immediately switched to Sarah because he likes "the chase". So...because stripper = easy in Will's mind, he lost interest. When I first saw him, he was wearing biker shorts at the Real World Awards. Not cute. At all. But after watching this episode, I think he's a cutie. The hair gets in the way.
I started out thinking Prety was hot but...not so much anymore. Bad attitude destroyed his hotness for me. He's a total actor. The bored disinterested look is such a pose.
Sarah's ignorant and boring. Ditto Blondie (what's her name again?) and Dave.
Joey's a sweetheart who needs to cut back on the steroids..er..I mean protein shakes, yea that's it.
CB, your judgmental recaps are still annoying but at least you don't have Parisa around anymore for the cheap go-to punchline.
7 of 22 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 19, 2008 9:39 PM
"he's outside talking to the Stripper and Goody about how Prety's no tough guy, and better not talk shit to him cause he comes from a house where he got beat up every day. Oh, was he living with the Stripper? "- LMAO I loved it. Great recap CB :)
I think all the male roommates are cute, the only thing I didn't like about Joey were his ears and that he kind of reminds me of Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Greg is f*cking hot!!! and so is Dave IMO. Don't really like any of the girls, maybe what's her face Blondie. Briana is ugly and looks skanky, also what's up with her wardrobe? She went clubbing in those jeans and flip flops? WTF? ugh she's a mess. Anyways, this season looks promising,, let's hope for the best.
8 of 22 | Posted by MichyPr | Posted on April 20, 2008 12:18 AM
Blahblah, I second the comment about CB's recaps, but I am still 100% ready to give her a second chance this season because her recaps are still hella funny. This sounds really crazy, but I feel like you hate brunette's CB? First Parisa, and now Sarah? Maybe I'm crazy, but again I'm totally willing to give these recaps a second chance.
Greg is really annoying, but I agree with CB about him doing it for attention and it working.
Will is really hot, and that music producer thing is a lot more realistic than the normal "I want to be an actor" bullshit the rest of them have going for them.
I liked Sarah initially, but I'm not sure anymore.
Male and female Blondie are both just blah.
Joey... roid rage might be interesting to see on TV? Beyond that, they could have picked a cuter meathead.
I'm not judging Stripper because she's an "exotic dancer", I'm judging her because she seems like an abusive, attention seeking ho. She seems nice despite her orange weave though.
9 of 22 | Posted by HereKittyKitty | Posted on April 20, 2008 10:11 AM
What's with guys on reality tv and their wierd names for people?
Raheim on Paradise Hotel had his "government" and he was "secretary of defense", Bobby on Hell's Kitchen is a "four star general" or something stupid like that, and now Greg with his "associates" and "peasants". It's getting really annoying...why can't they just say people??
10 of 22 | Posted by lovepr | Posted on April 20, 2008 1:36 PM
ChickBomb, I just wanted to say the I LOVE your recaps. I don't know why haters even bother posting. You're my favorite TVgasm recapper.
11 of 22 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on April 20, 2008 3:53 PM
for the record, Briana's hair is not a weave it's BRAIDS.
plus, I think she is going to make the season interesting
12 of 22 | Posted by nflow | Posted on April 20, 2008 10:39 PM
Weave or not, her hair still looks like plastic and matches her skin. I'm not saying that makes her a bad person or anything, but come on...don't strippers make good money? She should try spending some on a good colorist.
13 of 22 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on April 21, 2008 7:26 AM
I love when people complain about a recapper being judgmental yet post quite a few paragraphs of their own judgments...hello irony!
And the Pumkin/Briana comparison is one of the most accurate observations ever. All these girls belong on Flavor of Love, and the guys (especially PretyBoy) should be on I Love NY.
HollaBackBoy - I was totally thinking the same thing about Meathead and the steroid thing too! I have a feeling A Very Special Episode About the Dangers of Steroids is coming up.
14 of 22 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on April 21, 2008 9:10 AM
" really don't remember MTV advertising about picking a Real Worlder online"
IS THAT POSSIBLE? MTV advertised it to death. They did special showing who was "in the lead," and everybody was a douchebag.
15 of 22 | Posted by bulletproofheart | Posted on April 21, 2008 10:03 AM
"i shall cut them with my plastic rolex" LOL
p.s. loved the justin bobby quote.
16 of 22 | Posted by naijababe623 | Posted on April 21, 2008 10:51 AM
I guess you guys are right. Maybe I'm just a conspiracy theorist. :]
But I honestly don't remember that contest being advertised, so I thought it was kind of suspicious. Because everything is not always exactly what it seems on reality tv
17 of 22 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on April 21, 2008 11:24 AM
anyone else think that dave looks exactly like wes, who looks exactly like abram? i know real world casts for stereotypes, but could we at least get some that don't look like long lost triplets?
18 of 22 | Posted by wormfood33 | Posted on April 21, 2008 11:30 AM
Looking forward to an entire season of judgemental hilarious bitchyness, Chickbomb, off to a fantastic start!
I don't remember all the advertising either, but will definitely take everyone's word for it! :)
19 of 22 | Posted by chelle | Posted on April 22, 2008 12:28 PM
The stripper does look like an albino....can we name her Albina for the rest of the season? LOL
20 of 22 | Posted by biji | Posted on April 24, 2008 4:19 PM
Stripper does look like an albino. That was my very first thought and thats all I call her. Albina should be her name!
21 of 22 | Posted by biji | Posted on April 24, 2008 4:21 PM
she looks like an albino because she is albino. When black people are albino they dont look as white as white albino people. Her skin is more yellowish white. And not all albino people have red eyes.
22 of 22 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on April 26, 2008 1:16 PM