Will's twenty-three, but he looks thirty-five. I think he might be handsome, but I just can't tell under his Rick James wig. Then we hear some girly music about the ocean being as far as you can run away, and we meet who is sure to be our best candidate for this year's Real World sponsored Emotional and Spiritual Journey. This is Briana, she's twenty and from Philly.
Whitney Houston? Is that you?
I don't know about Briana's look. I'm pretty sure she's one of those super light skinned black girls, so light that she looks white, and she's got some serious issues with her hair. It's cheap, plastic looking braids, and Sun-In orange. Briana wants to sing - that's her main thing, she tells us.
Will meets Briana, and he likes her hair. He actually makes a point of saying that. So far, we have Meathead's spikes, Blondie's fried Supercut, Will's Rick James wig and Briana's orange, plastic weave. We have the worst season of Real World hair in history. Rick James packs up his boom box - 1983 chic, do you love it? - and he and Briana head to the house.
Rick and Briana quickly determine that they have dance in common - specifically hip-hop. Do I see a Breakin! style dance off in our future? Then we get the biggest news of the show - Briana made it to Top 45 of Season Five of American Idol! Sorry folks, all kidding aside, Top 45? That is a big deal. Plastic, orange hair and all, I don't disrespect Idol. Ever.
Briana and Will tell us they're connecting "like this". Will's single, he tells her in the car, and it turns out that as of last week, Briana is too! Oh, a relationship that just ended last week. Surely no baggage attached here. Also, I doubt we will be subject any late night, "this is so hard!", sob filled phone calls from Briana.
So, we've got three separate groups headed toward the house, and the first to arrive is Blondie and Meathead! Blondie is so excited to just bust down the gates and get in the house, and something about her shrill, nasal voice just makes me want to shake her. Honey, you better get yourself a coke addiction and fast if there's any hope of our relationship working.
That purse is very ho-llywood.
They walk in the house, and I guess it's on a soundstage? It looks pretty cool, if a bit Big Brotherish, with astro-turf everywhere. "We have a gym!" Meathead discovers excitedly, and the rest of the house tour is forgotten while he plays with the new Bowflex.
Then they get inside, and it's a multi-media dream, cameras and stuff everywhere. The rest of it's typical Real World house, colorful and full of Ikea love. The next two to arrive are Rick James and Briana. "It's very exciting to meet Will," Blondie tells us, "I've never known someone from Detroit, or the...inner city before." Translation: Will is Blondie's first black person. She tells us she's surprised someone "so cute and nice" could be from the ghetto. Blondie's worldly sophistication is really starting to show.
He spoke English! WTF? The modern age, I tell ya.
And it's been a busy day for Blondie, not only has she encountered her first an honest to God African American, but then Briana's offering to teach her how to work the pole. See Blondie, I knew there was hope for you. And also, there's a pole in the Real World house? Did they share casting sessions with Rock of Love?
Will and Meathead decide to share a room, and Briana and Blondie are sharing as well. They discuss their career aspirations. Blondie makes the mistake of referring to Will as a "singer", but he smacks her down with the correction that he's a producer. Careful Blondie, don't upset the black guy. He's urban, and you know how that goes.
Sarah and Dave pull onto the compound next. He's ready. She's soooo ready. They run into the house, and the four roommates already there descend on the new blood in a pack. They stand around, and talk about the new roommate, Greg, chosen from the internet.
Blondie thinks the concept of choosing a roomie online is "innovative and interesting". But smarty-pants Sarah has already been online checking Greg out. His online name is "PretyBoy" - no, I didn't spell it wrong, this jackass did it all by himself. And he calls women "associates". This has already offended Sarah and her delicate sensibilities, and she does not feel like they're going to hit it off. Bad blood before you're even met? My kind of Real World feud.
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Comments (22)
Stripper totally does look like an albino. Her hair is exactly the same color as her skin. Ew.
1 of 22 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on April 19, 2008 3:55 PM
Greg probably was just brought in to be the villain. Trisha stirred so much shit last season, they probably wanted to make sure they had a trouble maker in the house. They say he was "picked online", but I really don't remember MTV advertising about picking a Real Worlder online. I think they just said that to create a division between him and the others from the start. I mean, you know how manipulative reality producers can be.
As for the other roommates :
Joey : Seems like a nice guy, with an apparently bad temper. He says in one episode he had a "problem" and I'm guessing it steroids (which may have caused his upcoming rage fits).
Blondie (can't remember her real name) : Not a huge fan of hers. I think the comment she made about Will she comes from the fact that she's ignorant and hasn't been around diverse people. She may not necessarily be a racist though.
Briana : She's alright. I'm not judging her based on her job, because that's kind of wrong. But her mentioning being in the "Top 45" on Idol was a little lame.
Will : Don't have a solid opinion on him yet. Although I did think it was wrong for him to judge Briana for being a stripper, at least he did apologize afterwards.
Sarah : Again, don't have a real opinion of her yet. She kind of reminds me of Sarah from Philadelphia (and not just cause of her name). Kind of random, and I'm not sure why, but she does.
Dave : Who? I don't really remember much about him, but he didn't get a lot of camera time. Hopefully he won't be the token "who's that?" roommate that get no camera time, because they are always just wastes of space.
Love or hate him, at least we can thank Greg for making this episode pretty interesting (or shall I say "prety" interesting). The personalities of the others didn't come through all the way, but it is only the first episode. Hopefully, this will be a more tolerable, enjoyable season than the annoying, childish "Sydney" season.
2 of 22 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on April 19, 2008 4:54 PM
good call on the blondie/pumpkin thing
3 of 22 | Posted by kelseym13 | Posted on April 19, 2008 5:32 PM
just to claaaarify...
pretyboy was picked from an online contest regardless if you didnt know the contest was going on, doesnt mean it didnt exist...
the producers had nothing to do with it...
it was an mtv based contest. not a bunim-murray productions contest.
interesting recap... cant wait to see how the season progresses and if everyones lives up to their pegs.
4 of 22 | Posted by hollagirl2 | Posted on April 19, 2008 6:56 PM
#2:
I don't know why you're being so nice. These people are your typical 20-something idiots. All of them, maaaybe except for Sarah and Will.
Blondie's comments, though probably inspired by pure naivete, made me want to strangle my TV. Greg's "peasant" comments left me aghast and disgusted.
Dave and Meathead are just so f*cking stupid it hurts.
5 of 22 | Posted by kizik | Posted on April 19, 2008 7:19 PM
Oh how I wish this were ANTM, because Briana (sp?) is in desperate need of a makeover episode.
To be continued...
6 of 22 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 19, 2008 9:19 PM
I like Briana, although good call on her being a drama queen. She seems nice, though.
Funny how Will started out liking Ms. Albino then immediately switched to Sarah because he likes "the chase". So...because stripper = easy in Will's mind, he lost interest. When I first saw him, he was wearing biker shorts at the Real World Awards. Not cute. At all. But after watching this episode, I think he's a cutie. The hair gets in the way.
I started out thinking Prety was hot but...not so much anymore. Bad attitude destroyed his hotness for me. He's a total actor. The bored disinterested look is such a pose.
Sarah's ignorant and boring. Ditto Blondie (what's her name again?) and Dave.
Joey's a sweetheart who needs to cut back on the steroids..er..I mean protein shakes, yea that's it.
CB, your judgmental recaps are still annoying but at least you don't have Parisa around anymore for the cheap go-to punchline.
7 of 22 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 19, 2008 9:39 PM
"he's outside talking to the Stripper and Goody about how Prety's no tough guy, and better not talk shit to him cause he comes from a house where he got beat up every day. Oh, was he living with the Stripper? "- LMAO I loved it. Great recap CB :)
I think all the male roommates are cute, the only thing I didn't like about Joey were his ears and that he kind of reminds me of Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Greg is f*cking hot!!! and so is Dave IMO. Don't really like any of the girls, maybe what's her face Blondie. Briana is ugly and looks skanky, also what's up with her wardrobe? She went clubbing in those jeans and flip flops? WTF? ugh she's a mess. Anyways, this season looks promising,, let's hope for the best.
8 of 22 | Posted by MichyPr | Posted on April 20, 2008 12:18 AM
Blahblah, I second the comment about CB's recaps, but I am still 100% ready to give her a second chance this season because her recaps are still hella funny. This sounds really crazy, but I feel like you hate brunette's CB? First Parisa, and now Sarah? Maybe I'm crazy, but again I'm totally willing to give these recaps a second chance.
Greg is really annoying, but I agree with CB about him doing it for attention and it working.
Will is really hot, and that music producer thing is a lot more realistic than the normal "I want to be an actor" bullshit the rest of them have going for them.
I liked Sarah initially, but I'm not sure anymore.
Male and female Blondie are both just blah.
Joey... roid rage might be interesting to see on TV? Beyond that, they could have picked a cuter meathead.
I'm not judging Stripper because she's an "exotic dancer", I'm judging her because she seems like an abusive, attention seeking ho. She seems nice despite her orange weave though.
9 of 22 | Posted by HereKittyKitty | Posted on April 20, 2008 10:11 AM
What's with guys on reality tv and their wierd names for people?
Raheim on Paradise Hotel had his "government" and he was "secretary of defense", Bobby on Hell's Kitchen is a "four star general" or something stupid like that, and now Greg with his "associates" and "peasants". It's getting really annoying...why can't they just say people??
10 of 22 | Posted by lovepr | Posted on April 20, 2008 1:36 PM
ChickBomb, I just wanted to say the I LOVE your recaps. I don't know why haters even bother posting. You're my favorite TVgasm recapper.
11 of 22 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on April 20, 2008 3:53 PM
for the record, Briana's hair is not a weave it's BRAIDS.
plus, I think she is going to make the season interesting
12 of 22 | Posted by nflow | Posted on April 20, 2008 10:39 PM
Weave or not, her hair still looks like plastic and matches her skin. I'm not saying that makes her a bad person or anything, but come on...don't strippers make good money? She should try spending some on a good colorist.
13 of 22 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on April 21, 2008 7:26 AM
I love when people complain about a recapper being judgmental yet post quite a few paragraphs of their own judgments...hello irony!
And the Pumkin/Briana comparison is one of the most accurate observations ever. All these girls belong on Flavor of Love, and the guys (especially PretyBoy) should be on I Love NY.
HollaBackBoy - I was totally thinking the same thing about Meathead and the steroid thing too! I have a feeling A Very Special Episode About the Dangers of Steroids is coming up.
14 of 22 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on April 21, 2008 9:10 AM
" really don't remember MTV advertising about picking a Real Worlder online"
IS THAT POSSIBLE? MTV advertised it to death. They did special showing who was "in the lead," and everybody was a douchebag.
15 of 22 | Posted by bulletproofheart | Posted on April 21, 2008 10:03 AM
"i shall cut them with my plastic rolex" LOL
p.s. loved the justin bobby quote.
16 of 22 | Posted by naijababe623 | Posted on April 21, 2008 10:51 AM
I guess you guys are right. Maybe I'm just a conspiracy theorist. :]
But I honestly don't remember that contest being advertised, so I thought it was kind of suspicious. Because everything is not always exactly what it seems on reality tv
17 of 22 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on April 21, 2008 11:24 AM
anyone else think that dave looks exactly like wes, who looks exactly like abram? i know real world casts for stereotypes, but could we at least get some that don't look like long lost triplets?
18 of 22 | Posted by wormfood33 | Posted on April 21, 2008 11:30 AM
Looking forward to an entire season of judgemental hilarious bitchyness, Chickbomb, off to a fantastic start!
I don't remember all the advertising either, but will definitely take everyone's word for it! :)
19 of 22 | Posted by chelle | Posted on April 22, 2008 12:28 PM
The stripper does look like an albino....can we name her Albina for the rest of the season? LOL
20 of 22 | Posted by biji | Posted on April 24, 2008 4:19 PM
Stripper does look like an albino. That was my very first thought and thats all I call her. Albina should be her name!
21 of 22 | Posted by biji | Posted on April 24, 2008 4:21 PM
she looks like an albino because she is albino. When black people are albino they dont look as white as white albino people. Her skin is more yellowish white. And not all albino people have red eyes.
22 of 22 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on April 26, 2008 1:16 PM