So the Stripper gets on the phone with a Constable in the state of Pennsylvania. Wait, they have constables in Pennsylvania? How delightfully British! And the constable tells her that she needs to get her happy ass back to Philly in the next thirty days or she will become..A FUGITIVE OF JUSTICE! Fugitive Stipper From Justice - now that's a TV show!

And who does the Stripper call to solve her problem? That's right, Bobby, her ex-boyfriend who treats her like crap, and also called the cops on her. I just can't understand why she's trapped in the stripper life in Philly, she seems to know how to surround herself with such good people. But allegedly, the ex who treated her like crap said he would drop the charges against her, and I guess she's trying to talk him into it.

But two seconds into the conversation, before she can even mention how much oral she'll give him for dropping the case, he wants to know what she did the night before. Oh, just hung out in the hot tub, she says breezily, like that comment's not going anywhere. "Did you get laid?" asks Bobby. My, what a prince. And a classy, classy one at that. "No!" the Stripper replies, self-righteously offended, even though the first thing she wanted to do after she got one shot in her was "get naked and get in the hot tub".

He wants to know if the roommates are hot. "You wanna know about my roommates?" she screams at him. Way to walk away from that old life, Briana. Goody Goody and Blondie are shocked at the Stripper's outburst. "So much yelling," Blonde says disdainfully.

Picture 5-18
Yes. A suit. I'm wearing a suit. F you for calling me a liar! I'm gonna beat your ass!

And the Stripper's argument has degenerated into one of those "how dare you disrespect me" brouhahas that people on the Real World just love to have, followed by a hang-up. Let me guess, followed by the girls who were just talking shit on her outburst hugging her and telling her she's got to "kick him to the curb, girl" - oh, come on, you know that's what Blondie's gonna say.

And I'm right! Damn, I'm good at this! They walk in with promises that they love her. The Stripper tells the good girls about her bad day, and the fact that there's a warrant out for her arrest. Goody Sarah is freaked out. Although, to be honest, if I found out my new roommate was a stripper with an abusive ex (what - you just know that one's coming) and a warrant out for her arrest, I'd kind of be freaking out too.

Goody and Blondie confront the Stripper about it later. "When you yell at Bobby, you scare Sarah and I," explains Blondie carefully. Oh good, there's that line in the sand that Real World girls love to draw. "We" against "you". Goody and Blondie versus the Stripper. Someone's calling someone a bitch, and soon.

Goody wants to know what happened. And then the Stripper tells the story. He said things she didn't like, that she was a stupid stripper and a slut. I hope she never reads this, cause I have a feeling I'm going to be calling her both those things a lot, and if she beat down a dude, I don't want to think about what she'd do to my bitchy internet gossiping ass.

Anyway, he grabbed her, pushed her against the wall, pushed her on the couch, and I guess she ended up getting arrested. He has the problem that a lot of guys do, the wise Stripper tells us, that just cause she takes her clothes off for work, she must be a whore.

14499  Showgirls L
What part of dancer didn't you hear?

Later that night, it's time to get down in the Real World house! Blondie is once again jumping around like an idiot. Rick James is breakdancing on the floor. There's energy! It's fun! The girls are all giving lots of attention to Meathead. Rick James eats some ABC gum out of Goody's mouth, and I guess that counts as a kiss.

They leave the house, and two seconds later, Goody realizes that she oops, cough, oops, forgot her purse in the house. Rick James immediately offers to go back with her to retrieve said "lost" purse. They rest of them leave these two in the dust, and when Goody figures it out, she's agitated. But Rick explains to her that it's only cause all they guys in the house like her, and they're jealous because they think he's with her.

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Comments (22)

chickadee2586:

Stripper totally does look like an albino. Her hair is exactly the same color as her skin. Ew.

hollabackboy:

Greg probably was just brought in to be the villain. Trisha stirred so much shit last season, they probably wanted to make sure they had a trouble maker in the house. They say he was "picked online", but I really don't remember MTV advertising about picking a Real Worlder online. I think they just said that to create a division between him and the others from the start. I mean, you know how manipulative reality producers can be.

As for the other roommates :

Joey : Seems like a nice guy, with an apparently bad temper. He says in one episode he had a "problem" and I'm guessing it steroids (which may have caused his upcoming rage fits).

Blondie (can't remember her real name) : Not a huge fan of hers. I think the comment she made about Will she comes from the fact that she's ignorant and hasn't been around diverse people. She may not necessarily be a racist though.

Briana : She's alright. I'm not judging her based on her job, because that's kind of wrong. But her mentioning being in the "Top 45" on Idol was a little lame.

Will : Don't have a solid opinion on him yet. Although I did think it was wrong for him to judge Briana for being a stripper, at least he did apologize afterwards.


Sarah : Again, don't have a real opinion of her yet. She kind of reminds me of Sarah from Philadelphia (and not just cause of her name). Kind of random, and I'm not sure why, but she does.


Dave : Who? I don't really remember much about him, but he didn't get a lot of camera time. Hopefully he won't be the token "who's that?" roommate that get no camera time, because they are always just wastes of space.


Love or hate him, at least we can thank Greg for making this episode pretty interesting (or shall I say "prety" interesting). The personalities of the others didn't come through all the way, but it is only the first episode. Hopefully, this will be a more tolerable, enjoyable season than the annoying, childish "Sydney" season.

kelseym13:

good call on the blondie/pumpkin thing

hollagirl2:

just to claaaarify...
pretyboy was picked from an online contest regardless if you didnt know the contest was going on, doesnt mean it didnt exist...
the producers had nothing to do with it...
it was an mtv based contest. not a bunim-murray productions contest.

interesting recap... cant wait to see how the season progresses and if everyones lives up to their pegs.

kizik:

#2:

I don't know why you're being so nice. These people are your typical 20-something idiots. All of them, maaaybe except for Sarah and Will.

Blondie's comments, though probably inspired by pure naivete, made me want to strangle my TV. Greg's "peasant" comments left me aghast and disgusted.

Dave and Meathead are just so f*cking stupid it hurts.

blahblah:

Oh how I wish this were ANTM, because Briana (sp?) is in desperate need of a makeover episode.

To be continued...

blahblah:

I like Briana, although good call on her being a drama queen. She seems nice, though.

Funny how Will started out liking Ms. Albino then immediately switched to Sarah because he likes "the chase". So...because stripper = easy in Will's mind, he lost interest. When I first saw him, he was wearing biker shorts at the Real World Awards. Not cute. At all. But after watching this episode, I think he's a cutie. The hair gets in the way.

I started out thinking Prety was hot but...not so much anymore. Bad attitude destroyed his hotness for me. He's a total actor. The bored disinterested look is such a pose.

Sarah's ignorant and boring. Ditto Blondie (what's her name again?) and Dave.

Joey's a sweetheart who needs to cut back on the steroids..er..I mean protein shakes, yea that's it.

CB, your judgmental recaps are still annoying but at least you don't have Parisa around anymore for the cheap go-to punchline.

MichyPr:

"he's outside talking to the Stripper and Goody about how Prety's no tough guy, and better not talk shit to him cause he comes from a house where he got beat up every day. Oh, was he living with the Stripper? "- LMAO I loved it. Great recap CB :)

I think all the male roommates are cute, the only thing I didn't like about Joey were his ears and that he kind of reminds me of Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Greg is f*cking hot!!! and so is Dave IMO. Don't really like any of the girls, maybe what's her face Blondie. Briana is ugly and looks skanky, also what's up with her wardrobe? She went clubbing in those jeans and flip flops? WTF? ugh she's a mess. Anyways, this season looks promising,, let's hope for the best.

HereKittyKitty:

Blahblah, I second the comment about CB's recaps, but I am still 100% ready to give her a second chance this season because her recaps are still hella funny. This sounds really crazy, but I feel like you hate brunette's CB? First Parisa, and now Sarah? Maybe I'm crazy, but again I'm totally willing to give these recaps a second chance.

Greg is really annoying, but I agree with CB about him doing it for attention and it working.

Will is really hot, and that music producer thing is a lot more realistic than the normal "I want to be an actor" bullshit the rest of them have going for them.

I liked Sarah initially, but I'm not sure anymore.

Male and female Blondie are both just blah.

Joey... roid rage might be interesting to see on TV? Beyond that, they could have picked a cuter meathead.

I'm not judging Stripper because she's an "exotic dancer", I'm judging her because she seems like an abusive, attention seeking ho. She seems nice despite her orange weave though.

lovepr:

What's with guys on reality tv and their wierd names for people?

Raheim on Paradise Hotel had his "government" and he was "secretary of defense", Bobby on Hell's Kitchen is a "four star general" or something stupid like that, and now Greg with his "associates" and "peasants". It's getting really annoying...why can't they just say people??

chickadee2586:

ChickBomb, I just wanted to say the I LOVE your recaps. I don't know why haters even bother posting. You're my favorite TVgasm recapper.

nflow:

for the record, Briana's hair is not a weave it's BRAIDS.

plus, I think she is going to make the season interesting

leslie_pcc:

Weave or not, her hair still looks like plastic and matches her skin. I'm not saying that makes her a bad person or anything, but come on...don't strippers make good money? She should try spending some on a good colorist.

VegasDarling:

I love when people complain about a recapper being judgmental yet post quite a few paragraphs of their own judgments...hello irony!

And the Pumkin/Briana comparison is one of the most accurate observations ever. All these girls belong on Flavor of Love, and the guys (especially PretyBoy) should be on I Love NY.

HollaBackBoy - I was totally thinking the same thing about Meathead and the steroid thing too! I have a feeling A Very Special Episode About the Dangers of Steroids is coming up.

bulletproofheart:

" really don't remember MTV advertising about picking a Real Worlder online"

IS THAT POSSIBLE? MTV advertised it to death. They did special showing who was "in the lead," and everybody was a douchebag.

naijababe623:

"i shall cut them with my plastic rolex" LOL

p.s. loved the justin bobby quote.

hollabackboy:

I guess you guys are right. Maybe I'm just a conspiracy theorist. :]

But I honestly don't remember that contest being advertised, so I thought it was kind of suspicious. Because everything is not always exactly what it seems on reality tv

wormfood33:

anyone else think that dave looks exactly like wes, who looks exactly like abram? i know real world casts for stereotypes, but could we at least get some that don't look like long lost triplets?

chelle:

Looking forward to an entire season of judgemental hilarious bitchyness, Chickbomb, off to a fantastic start!

I don't remember all the advertising either, but will definitely take everyone's word for it! :)

biji:

The stripper does look like an albino....can we name her Albina for the rest of the season? LOL

biji:

Stripper does look like an albino. That was my very first thought and thats all I call her. Albina should be her name!

preppyboy:

she looks like an albino because she is albino. When black people are albino they dont look as white as white albino people. Her skin is more yellowish white. And not all albino people have red eyes.

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