But Meat holds firm, and tells Mike that he thinks it's for the best if they don't hang out that weekend. Then he hangs up. Stripper comes marching out, leading the "If they're not behind you, fuck 'em parade" even though she's also the grand marshal of the "I'm not behind you, fuck it" parade, which is a bit confusing. And then of course, Chicago Mike calls back. "You and me are gonna have a private conversation," he tells Meat ominously. Just make sure you bring the cameras, he pleads silently.

Picture 3-58
I would have told you not to come out here in the first place but I was wasted. Too bad so sad sucka. Would you water the plants while you're out there?

Mike's pissed that he came all the way out to LA to hang out with Meat, he's standing across the street from the guy's house, cruelly denied access through the Real World temporary fencing...and Meat's completely blowing him off. Well, I'd be a little irritated over that too. But what's Meat's choice really when he's getting an earful from Mike about how he wasn't duly notified of the recently enacted No Partying Around Meat Rule. "Dude, I just got out of rehab, did that not ring a f*cking bell in your head?" Meat asks exasperatedly. For real, did the guy really want a certified letter or what?

Anyway, the convo ends badly, with Mike throwing down some kind of threats, telling Meathead he better run and hide. Things are better with John and Joe, the sober friends though, and Meat's sorry to have to see them go. But then, again, surprise, surprise, Mike's not about to let this one ride. He drops a white bag over the VIP temp fencing. Or that's what Meat tells us, when he tells us he immediately knows that the bag was his gift bag from Chicago Mike. And I'm very glad he cleared that up, cause we got about four different foreshadowing angles of the thing, and all I could wonder was why do they keep zeroing in on that garbage on the lawn?

The plastic gift bag has two caps and of course, the beloved shirt. Meat says he feels bad that he didn't see the guy at all, but he has to do what's going to keep him sober. Agreed, but maybe better to have told the dude before he hopped a plane to LA? Poor Chicago Mike thought he'd be basking in the camera-friendly lighting of the Real World Hollywood house, but he probably ended up crashing at the Motel 6 near the airport, snorting the really cheap coke.

And now Meathead's got a new rehab habit - a rehabit - smoking. At first, I'm wondering how he reconciles smoking with his perfect body image, but then I remember he's in this mess cause he somehow managed to reconcile booze and coke with the same thing. And of course Goody has to have to her say. "New habit?" she tosses off. "Yeah. I'm trying to kill myself. Slowly," Meat replies, dramatic pauses and all.

"What's wrong, J? Your nerves are shot? Why?" Goody pesters him. Well, it's that he's trying to find ways of dealing with anxiety that aren't alcohol and drugs. So he turns to caffeine. And immediately, Goody's in there. "Drinking caffeine might only intensify that anxiety," she scolds. Oh Goody, just let him have his rehabits.

But she's still concerned. Turns out, Meat's not eating. He's just drinking coffee and smoking what turn out to be not cigarettes, but cigars - those thin, brown ones that sort of look like cigarettes. Great, now he's not eating. This recovery crap is exhausting. And Goody's TLC is no longer appreciated by Meat. He recounts the caffeine-warning story to Dolt, once again reminding the world about his high anxiety. The way he keeps spewing "high anxiety" makes me wonder if it's some deeply hypnotic reflex installed in the rehab. Like in Zoolander.

And, there's no talking to her, Meat exclaims. Goody thinks she's trying to help, he concludes, but she's really just driving him insane. He never had parents, and hell if he'll let some sheltered girl try and take care of him. " I just feel like going to the nearest bar and getting wasted," he says for the millionth time. There you go, it's all Goody's fault. Or was it was his parents' fault? Never mind that. As long as we get that Meat has some seriously dramatic shit going on right now, but none of it's his fault. Everyone clear?

Picture 4-51
Well, she drives me to drink. Maybe he has a point.

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Comments (5)

chunkymonkey:

those who are late to dinner do not get fruit cup.

high anxiety...awesome movie

JasonR:

Good recap, CB. I have to admit I actually got choked up while meat was reading his letter. He does seem like a nice kid who has had a pretty rough life so far, and hopefully things will work out for him. I don't really see him as an actor, except maybe doing Cinemax After Dark movies.

I'm surprised you didn't mention in the "later this season" promos that they show Joey returns, plus two new roomates on the way.

reckless_saturn_11:

chickbomb: i am saddened by the fact that you didn't make a snarky comment or a have a screen shot of joey spraying himself with about half a can of axe body spray, enough to feed a small group of starving frat boys. to me that explains a lot about his personality or at least the googly eyes.


Sweetleaf:

Hilarious, insightful recap!!
Meatys letter brought tears to these eyes, until the 12-step comment - which was laugable in a not funny way so perfect ending Meat!

Great screen caps - loved

"Maybe you could get a job at McDonald's to pay for your drugs"

dancingqueenejb:

So I found Bri's Myspace page, and it turns out she already has a record deal, albeit on an indie label. She released an EP earlier this month. And she's the opening act for an upcoming Blake Lewis concert. I'm actually kind of proud of her.

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