Stripper's posse is officially in town, and she leads them into an alley to meet Alex, the singer of the band she's singing with. It's like the setup for a low budge 80's video. But with another solo artist, not a band, cause Alex is currently doing his own thing. Stripper kind of goes with it, and she doesn't totally crash and burn. She actually has a pretty fantastic voice, it's just not totally consistent. Vocal coach and no more smoking, Stripper, but there's definitely something there. As everyone knows, I have watched American Idol since day one, which makes me pretty much an expert, and thus, more than qualified to make that assessment.
What? Why are you laughing?
Alex gives Stripper some good advice, about the song making the artist. He tells her it's hard, but he's always there to talk. What a nice guy, and Stripper thinks so too. Back at home, Meat's on the phone with Grandma Meat, and you guessed it, he's got issues with anxiety. All his counselors from rehab told him if he felt like Hollywood was a dangerous situation, he should leave, and Grandma agrees.
What Chicago is going to give me, Meat tells us, is more 'me time', more rehab, more family and friends...awww, you can't help but root for the lug. Who knows how this story plays out, but his heart's in the right place.
The next day, Rick James and Dolt stroll along with Meathead, and he tells them of his decision to give up acting. Rick James calls it chickening out. That night, it's one a.m. and Meat is headed home the next morning. Rick and Dolt decided they'll be damned if he leaves without a really good night - so they decide to take Meat to a strip club. Not exactly alcohol and drug free, but what the hell, one last night in Hollywood...Stripper assumed she would have been invited, cause, you know, she's a stripper, but she was left out in the cold.
"Operation Condor," Dolt keeps chirping excitedly in the car with Meat and Rick James. I have no idea how that relates to the stealth mission to the strip club, all I can guess is that he's prepping for that little Marine role on NCIS that Flippy predicted. There's lots of "You're my boys!" going around in the car, and then they're at the Rio Gentlemen's Club.
Fine. Don't get a discount.
Meat's feeling great hanging out with the boys. "Slamming down waters, tossing dollar bills!" says Dolt. And then Meat gets a lap dance. "I love my life!" Meat moans. The boys spent all their money, but it was worth it - all three of them had a great time, complete with howling at the full moon at the end. Meat realizes they really do care about him, and that wraps up our very special alcoholism episode of Full House.
And then, the moment we've all been waiting for - Meathead's Last Soliloquy.
(Performed with maximum dramatic pauses, and varied intense looks at the ceiling and floor.)
"This is my last confessional - I'm sad, but I hope that every single person understands that...I have to go. I've been in jail. I've been in an institution now, which is rehab. My next step is death. And I don't wanna die. It's me - and reality. This is life and death. This is life and death."
And....scene.
Then he gathers the group for a parting recovery speech. He tells them about the first step of admitting that he's powerless over drugs and alcohol. Agreed. Moving on. Then he goes on to tell everyone about how his parents are alcoholics, so it's really not his fault. And about his first experience with steroids - he was a 5'9", 250 pound monster. That is pretty scary. He tells all about his affair with alcohol and cocaine. How he lost his job for stealing for coke money. How he hung himself in his basement. And how the Real World was the light at the end of the tunnel. And that's where he loses me. The Real World the light at the end of the tunnel of addiction?
Then Meat tells us about all the promoters and producers practically forcing him to drink Grey Goose and snort some of the best coke ever...if he wanted to be a serious, actor that is. And that was the night he went bananas in the house. He recounts the night, and something tells me he means it, cause it's not a dramatic soliloquy, it's pretty much plain-spoken fact.
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Comments (5)
those who are late to dinner do not get fruit cup.
high anxiety...awesome movie
1 of 5 | Posted by chunkymonkey | Posted on June 15, 2008 10:38 AM
Good recap, CB. I have to admit I actually got choked up while meat was reading his letter. He does seem like a nice kid who has had a pretty rough life so far, and hopefully things will work out for him. I don't really see him as an actor, except maybe doing Cinemax After Dark movies.
I'm surprised you didn't mention in the "later this season" promos that they show Joey returns, plus two new roomates on the way.
2 of 5 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on June 16, 2008 6:58 AM
chickbomb: i am saddened by the fact that you didn't make a snarky comment or a have a screen shot of joey spraying himself with about half a can of axe body spray, enough to feed a small group of starving frat boys. to me that explains a lot about his personality or at least the googly eyes.
3 of 5 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on June 16, 2008 9:31 AM
Hilarious, insightful recap!!
Meatys letter brought tears to these eyes, until the 12-step comment - which was laugable in a not funny way so perfect ending Meat!
Great screen caps - loved
"Maybe you could get a job at McDonald's to pay for your drugs"
4 of 5 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on June 16, 2008 9:48 AM
So I found Bri's Myspace page, and it turns out she already has a record deal, albeit on an indie label. She released an EP earlier this month. And she's the opening act for an upcoming Blake Lewis concert. I'm actually kind of proud of her.
5 of 5 | Posted by dancingqueenejb | Posted on June 17, 2008 9:53 PM