Anyway, the show began in New Orleans, of all places, as we met Colie, a Tulane graduate who looks like a jowl-y version of The Duel's Jodi (but sounds like a softer version of Fran Drescher). Well, we saw Colie attending her graduation, which featured keynote addresses from Presidents Clinton and Bush (Sr.). Yes, congratulations, sirs. You've now made it onto The Real World. A fine milestone in your careers, no doubt.

We then looked at some Very Dramatic Images of the Katrina devastation, which I assumed was this show's ham-fisted attempt to front-load this premiere with some sort of gravitas or substance. Fear not! It wouldn't last for long. Colie told us, "Here we are not dwelling on the past but looking to the future!" Yes, a future that involves getting drunk and slutty! Go New Orleans!

Colie then commented, "I want to bring the spirit of New Orleans with me as I come to Denver." Listen, Colie. You seem like a sweet girl, but let's not forget you're from New Jersey, not the heart of St. Bernard Parish. I know there was probably a mandate to include a Katrina survivor in this cast, but seriously, if America's Next Top Model could find a girl whose whole family had gone missing (and this was last season, no less), couldn't MTV have found someone who'd at least lost a goldfish or something?

We then watched the new opening credits, which were cool and all. I particularly liked the end when the cast said, "The Real World! Denver!" And then in case we were total idiots, they literally added, "Colorado!" Oh, so it's that Denver. Okay. I thought they were talking about Denver, Guam.

Well, the first person we met after Colie was Jenn, a former Raiderette, who remarkably appeared to be more Jersey girl-ish than Colie ever was. We also met Tyrie, a big lug of a man, who hopped on a train from Omaha, which then led to a sequence as both cast members looked out their respective train windows and observed the rich topography of the Rocky Mountains. Yes, it was like Manifest Destiny gone lame.

In Denver, Tyrie and Jenn met at the train station, and out of the gate, Tyrie was making googlie eyes at his new companion. "I've never seen so many silicon valleys, if you know what I'm saying," he joked to us after generously rating her with an 11.5 out of 10.

Next up were Alex and Brooke, who met at the airport and shared a fancy schmancy limo to the Real World house. Alex told her, "I just party a lot," causing Brooke to reply, "I party all the time too!" FINALLY!!! I was wondering how long it would take for The Real World to cast people who like to party!