This week's show began on a gloriously self-deluded note, courtesy of feminism's new poster child, Jenn. "I'm not attracted to Alex," she informed us. "I wouldn't sleep with Alex sober!" This was great to know, but of course, considering that she's yet to actually appear sober on this show, it was blithely useless information. Still, I appreciated the comment, if only because it surely was foreshadowing some sort of shame spiral involving Alex later on.

Meanwhile, over in the Denver sick bay, Colie was still infesting the living room with her mono germs. Dr. Alex revealed to hoer that he too had suffered from the kissing disease and said that if Colie rested for about a week or two, she should be fine to do whatever (sleep around, make dumb comments, etc.). In the meantime, Colie would have to rely on the comfort of (seven) strangers to take care of her day-to-day upkeep. "I need somebody to bathe me. Can you give me a sponge bath?" she asked Alex in a lazy, Fran Drescher Lite voice. It was probably the most savory moment of this very young new year.

Later on, the roomies received a letter via messenger that gave vague details about their new job. All they knew was that they'd have to put on some long pants and drive to a rural amphitheater where their next challenge would await (quite Road Rules-ish, yes?). Of course, in order to reach this mysterious destination, they'd need cars, but fear not! The roommates were now the proud owners of two brand new JEEP COMPASSES!!! (Cue the Price Is Right music now). And even better, they were parked outside! Well, as you can imagine, the kids poured out of the house like a bunch of roaches set free from a shoe box. Even Colie managed to summon the energy to rise up from her Sick Couch and inspect the new vehicles (guess this means she doesn't mean that sponge bath anymore).

Well, the guys took one car, and the girls took another, but oops! The girls' Compass was stick shift, something that not even a ROCKSTAR like Jenn had experience with. As the ladies sputtered and stalled through the cruel streets of downtown Denver, Brooke revealed, "My hands are sweating puddles right now." If she was this nervous with Jenn driving, just imagine her frazzled state if she were to get lost! IN THE GHETTO (and by ghetto, I mean a few blocks away from the house)!!!!

By the way, random aside, but Colie officially wins the award for most annoying Passenger Seat Sitter, what with her knees all curled up against her chest. Just STOP.

That night, the gang went out to Monarck (SHOCK) where we met a skinny, tattooed bouncer named John. And of course, it wouldn't be The Real World without a female cast member falling for a bar employee. This time around, it was Jenn, who was completely entranced by John's warm and complex personality. Okay, she wasn't so much entranced as she was drunk and in the presence of a penis. "You're very cute, and I find you very attractive," she slurred. To be fair, if you get enough drinks in her, she'd say the same thing to a houseplant.