Ahhhh. The Real World: Denver. MTV was so kind to air a special sneak peek of tonight's show this afternoon; so I figured I'd endeavor to post the recap this afternoon since technically, the show's already aired on national TV. And what a show it was. Granted, it didn't have the provocative flair of Jenn and Tyree's incendiary Tyson Beckford brouhaha, and granted, it lacked the heart-pounding suspense of Brooke's horrifying nail salon odyssey, and granted, Colie was unable to find a single new person to call and share news of her sore throat, but there was still some Grade A stupidity, thanks mostly to Jenn (and to a certain degree, Alex). And honestly, that's all we need when we watch this show, right?
This week's show began on a gloriously self-deluded note, courtesy of feminism's new poster child, Jenn. "I'm not attracted to Alex," she informed us. "I wouldn't sleep with Alex sober!" This was great to know, but of course, considering that she's yet to actually appear sober on this show, it was blithely useless information. Still, I appreciated the comment, if only because it surely was foreshadowing some sort of shame spiral involving Alex later on.
Meanwhile, over in the Denver sick bay, Colie was still infesting the living room with her mono germs. Dr. Alex revealed to hoer that he too had suffered from the kissing disease and said that if Colie rested for about a week or two, she should be fine to do whatever (sleep around, make dumb comments, etc.). In the meantime, Colie would have to rely on the comfort of (seven) strangers to take care of her day-to-day upkeep. "I need somebody to bathe me. Can you give me a sponge bath?" she asked Alex in a lazy, Fran Drescher Lite voice. It was probably the most savory moment of this very young new year.
Later on, the roomies received a letter via messenger that gave vague details about their new job. All they knew was that they'd have to put on some long pants and drive to a rural amphitheater where their next challenge would await (quite Road Rules-ish, yes?). Of course, in order to reach this mysterious destination, they'd need cars, but fear not! The roommates were now the proud owners of two brand new JEEP COMPASSES!!! (Cue the Price Is Right music now). And even better, they were parked outside! Well, as you can imagine, the kids poured out of the house like a bunch of roaches set free from a shoe box. Even Colie managed to summon the energy to rise up from her Sick Couch and inspect the new vehicles (guess this means she doesn't mean that sponge bath anymore).
Well, the guys took one car, and the girls took another, but oops! The girls' Compass was stick shift, something that not even a ROCKSTAR like Jenn had experience with. As the ladies sputtered and stalled through the cruel streets of downtown Denver, Brooke revealed, "My hands are sweating puddles right now." If she was this nervous with Jenn driving, just imagine her frazzled state if she were to get lost! IN THE GHETTO (and by ghetto, I mean a few blocks away from the house)!!!!
By the way, random aside, but Colie officially wins the award for most annoying Passenger Seat Sitter, what with her knees all curled up against her chest. Just STOP.
That night, the gang went out to Monarck (SHOCK) where we met a skinny, tattooed bouncer named John. And of course, it wouldn't be The Real World without a female cast member falling for a bar employee. This time around, it was Jenn, who was completely entranced by John's warm and complex personality. Okay, she wasn't so much entranced as she was drunk and in the presence of a penis. "You're very cute, and I find you very attractive," she slurred. To be fair, if you get enough drinks in her, she'd say the same thing to a houseplant.
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Comments (34)
Awsome! *Jenn's not a whore, she's a ROCKSTAR!* I want to know-Who are the guys out there that find Jenn attractive? They must be out there because PLENTY of girls out there have that Jenn "look" and some guys go for that type.
1 of 34 | Posted by nursecoco
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Posted on January 3, 2007 5:59 PM
I'm waiting to read this until after I watch tonight, but this early recaps totally makes up for the lack of good postings this past few days. Thanks B-Side, you never disappoint!
2 of 34 | Posted by Emilita33
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Posted on January 3, 2007 6:03 PM
OK, B-Side, I admit I confuse easily, but aren't we missing something? Did you ever post a recap last week? Weren't you just dying to comment on Brooke's first exhibition of anything resembling a dark side? I think her nail salon meltdown was truly fascinating--she clearly has germ issues!
3 of 34 | Posted by tvisreality
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Posted on January 3, 2007 6:10 PM
I was gonna say the same thing, cause I missed Brooke's quest into the ghetto, and I was hoping this recap was going to cover it. Oh well, it's good to read a new recap regardless.
4 of 34 | Posted by joslyn
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Posted on January 3, 2007 6:20 PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE RECAPPED ONE OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS IN REAL WORLD HISTORY!!! IS THIS A CRUEL JOKE???!!!!
"$700?! You don't pay that..."
5 of 34 | Posted by Ms. Fred
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Posted on January 3, 2007 6:33 PM
Jenn
c/o The Bottle
6738 Idiot Drive
Walnut Creek, CA 94597
That is my favorite.
Great recap, thanks B!
6 of 34 | Posted by joslyn
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Posted on January 3, 2007 6:36 PM
I like their job, at least they're doing something helpful, not like that stupid tanning salon last season!
*R.I.P Darrent Williams prayers to a fallen Bronco*
7 of 34 | Posted by COLO'RAD'O
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Posted on January 3, 2007 6:46 PM
Amen! Brooke crying about paying rent in Cali and having her mom correct her about who pays what on national TV!! Priceless.
8 of 34 | Posted by MTV4ME
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Posted on January 3, 2007 7:08 PM
Last week's episode was by far the best of the season, but I was on vacation, and while I wanted to jump onto the laptop, I needed some much needed R&R, lest I snap and strangle an innocent bystander.
9 of 34 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on January 3, 2007 8:17 PM
I called my best friend in Cali and told her that she had to watch tonight's episode just for Tyre's "Padington Bear" reference.
Alex shouldn't have said what he did. That being said had Jen left it at a simple "fuck you" he probably would have apologized, but her "it's not my fault, I get drunk" excuse tirade made me totally side with Alex.
10 of 34 | Posted by cannonball
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Posted on January 3, 2007 8:27 PM
Jenn is so stupid its sad. I know so many dumb sluts like that girl, always blaming everything on alcohol. What a load of bull.
This ep. made Alex go up a few points in my book. Jenn deserved it, he shouldn't apologize. He would to keep peace in the house, but he doesn't need to.
By the way.. Will you guys be covering Road Rules 360??? Pleeease say yes, I hear Veronica, Kendal and some older season people will be on it!!!
11 of 34 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on January 3, 2007 8:36 PM
okay, im just gonna say it...alex is my new hero. he uttered the best line in real world....no, REALITY TV history!!! that shit is hilarious! the one episode i dont watch and he says some genius shit like that. i give him a standing ovation. bravo alex, bravo.
p.s.
shiaobundan, what is this road rules 360 u speak of?
12 of 34 | Posted by Niecy
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Posted on January 3, 2007 9:04 PM
Niecy-
MTV is bringing Road Rules back. This season will be in "real time" with fan interaction. I'm excited because they are starting off with old castmembers(rumor says Danny and Derrick from X-Treme, Abe and Cara from South Pacific, Kendal from Campus Crawl and Veronica is supposedly confirmed).
I always liked RR more than RW (eversince RW took a turn for major drunken sluttiness with Vegas)
13 of 34 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on January 3, 2007 9:42 PM
Not to sound ungrateful, but B-side, you do know that there was another new episode on tonight after this one? I was expecting it in this recap, but maybe just a mention of it. Just giving you the heads up, don't want you to miss the episode that makes Brooke more hatable than Colie for a short while.
14 of 34 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on January 3, 2007 10:07 PM
Hoe the hell did they let Jenn drive? Are they crazy (other then brooke)? Remember kids: Driving drunk is bad. If you are in a constant state of inebriation like Jenn never drive!
15 of 34 | Posted by Dani B.
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Posted on January 3, 2007 10:09 PM
I was hoping for a screenshot of Brooke's ass as she left her bedroom complaining about John and Jenn. Who walks around a house wearing just a thong? real classy
16 of 34 | Posted by SaveFerris
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Posted on January 4, 2007 6:50 AM
I was waiting for the recap of the Colie sore throat tragedy. Best moment: Tie, the woman who drove her to the hospital on her cell phone saying
'We're at the emergency room, she has a SORE THROAT' (and incidentally, doesn't every hospital have huge signs saying not to use cell phones?), and then there was Colie's IV. I laughed so loud I scared the pets. And Brooke was fun too. Best episode of past 3 seasons.
17 of 34 | Posted by Miss Information
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Posted on January 4, 2007 7:18 AM
As for Brooke's ass, I think B-side was trying to spare us. It was just a quick flash but it wasn't pretty.
18 of 34 | Posted by Miss Information
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Posted on January 4, 2007 7:23 AM
I have never seen someone look so different without makeup on as Jen does. She must put a pound of it on! I think Brooke is hilarious! She is definitely crazy - but so entertaining to watch!
19 of 34 | Posted by YankeesFan
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Posted on January 4, 2007 7:31 AM
I am sitting here at work in cube hell laughing at this recap. Thank you!
Awesome Gremlins reference. And the part about drunk Jenn hitting on a house plant.
20 of 34 | Posted by Devoted Satellite
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Posted on January 4, 2007 8:36 AM
Jenn is in such DENIAL. Alex only spoke the truth in response to her running off at the mouth. She needs to get over it and accept that she's a drunk slut who makes excuses for being a drunk slut.
21 of 34 | Posted by McCreamy
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Posted on January 4, 2007 9:58 AM
This is the oldest cast age-wise, but the most immature by far!
Colie can't get herself to a doctor, goes hysterical getting an IV, and cries the whole time. Let's just say, even though she wishes she had been in NOLA for Katrina (to help, yeah right), her presence there could have only equaled the human disaster that was Michael Brown. Who she probably would have ended up making out with.
What a fuckin' baby.
Brooke is hysterical. She is a walking Tennessee Williams play. The only thing that could have made that whole breakdown better was if she had called her father, and referred to him as "Big Daddy".
Seriously, what kind of girl brings home a bar-skeeve she barely knows, brings him to bed, lets him go to funky-town - AND THEN brags to her male roommates about it?! WHAT A WHORE.
And if whoring around isn't such a big deal, then why is acknowledging that you do it?
She is so fucking gross.
22 of 34 | Posted by Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
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Posted on January 4, 2007 10:01 AM
Jenn is the biggest skank on tv! I loved it when Alex put her in her place. It was so funny. Thank you Alex!
Thanks B-side for a very funny re cap! I loved The Bottle comments!
23 of 34 | Posted by dsher
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Posted on January 4, 2007 10:14 AM
OK--the illness/ghetto episode had to be one of the funniest episodes EVER--right after I said I wasn't going to watch!
Certain classic quotes were hilarious!
First--Colie is a freak--she has one of the HUGEST mouths I have ever seen. When she was writhing around on the bed and screaming she looked like an alligator crossed with a pez dispenser!
The quotes that made me laugh were:
I WANT MY MOOOOMMY!
I can't deal with all this crap. I just want to get my nails done.
I'm in HEEEEELL!!!!!!!!
And what does Brooke expect if she goes for a walk in the "ghetto" sporting booty shorts and fuck me pumps???? Sorry, but girls dressed like that in certain neighborhoods are WORKING, not looking for a nail salon. If you dress like a hood rat/ho, don't be surprised if strangers treat you like one! :)
24 of 34 | Posted by alligatorwings
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Posted on January 4, 2007 12:59 PM
THANK YOU alligatorwings! I was thinking the same thing about the outfit she was sporting. That and do they not have taxis in Denver?
Of course if I had to live with Colie I would probably flee from the house without one of my roommates... directions... transportation... money... possibly even clothing. Jiminy-Christmas that girl is annoying.
25 of 34 | Posted by gretcheepoo
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Posted on January 4, 2007 1:53 PM
Ten bucks says Brooke keeps chicken carcasses under her bed and her parents pay for her to have an apartment with an eat in chicken.
26 of 34 | Posted by tvismylife
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Posted on January 4, 2007 2:23 PM
Chee z TV Addict:
I'm not promiscuous by nature, don't think there is anything wrong with a girl hooking up with a guy she met at the bar that night if that's what she wants to do. However, Jen is a slut because she gets trashed on a nightly basis so that she doesn't have to take any responsibility for her actions. She sucks. So does Alex. And Brooke, who I liked until this point...
Also I laughed hystericall at Tyrie's Random Pop Culture Reference of the Episode! I love you, b-side!
27 of 34 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on January 4, 2007 3:58 PM
this ep made me want to take a shower immediatley afterwards. I felt so gross.
-Jenn descrbing in detail what went on with the bouncer. Then seeing him the street knowing where his mouth had been EWWWW
-Alex describing his mono experience
-mentally picturing Jenn actually fucking Alex. And Alex sucking his own cock
EWWWWW!!!
28 of 34 | Posted by anniedawg25
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Posted on January 4, 2007 4:38 PM
AWESOME "Girl, Interrupted" reference tvismylife! LOL!
I think Jenn is a whore because she acts like a whore. She screwed over (in her words) her "best friend" in the house in under 48 hours, to have sex with a guy she claims she isn't even attracted to.
I'm no prude, and I have no problem with the idea of casual sex; however any girl who regales a group of drunk men (who call themselves the FRAT, no less) with details about her one-night stand passing the orals is a whore. A gross whore. I'd be seriously scared if I found out any one I'd slept with had been with Jenn first.
Just my opinion - LOL! Had she been talking to E. Colie and Brooke, I might have felt differently about it.
I agree though, her biggest problem is that she's an irresponsible, obnoxious drunk.
29 of 34 | Posted by Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
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Posted on January 4, 2007 4:44 PM
-----I'm no prude, and I have no problem with the idea of casual sex; however any girl who regales a group of drunk men (who call themselves the FRAT, no less) with details about her one-night stand passing the orals is a whore. A gross whore. I'd be seriously scared if I found out any one I'd slept with had been with Jenn first. -----
Chee-Z good point. Especially if you so happened to screw one of those guys 48 hours after you met them. On TV. After he hooked up with your friend first.
30 of 34 | Posted by anniedawg25
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Posted on January 4, 2007 5:34 PM
Besides seeing Brook's gross ass in the thong you could also see her nipples when she was whining at the sink around that same time. Nobody else caught this, jeez.
31 of 34 | Posted by cincy_josh
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Posted on January 4, 2007 6:31 PM
Wow. And to think I was REALLY trying to not immediately assume Jenn was an idiotic slut when I first saw her on the casting special. Alex's remark - wrong, but soooo awesome. I can't wait to see it (haven't seen the episodes yet). And Jenn just goes on to blame it on the alcohol? That is the epitome of pathetic, if you ask me.
I can't even fathom how MTV manages to find these complete morons who lack basic life skills. Jenn is, what, 24 or something? She acts like she's 14, and that's really sad.
And what's worse, in the last episode with Brooke's melodrama, Jenn reminded me SO much of my cousin in her white tank top, skirt, glasses, put-up hair and semi-compassion... and I love my cousin. Thank God I won't always see her when I look at Jenn.
32 of 34 | Posted by antebellum
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Posted on January 4, 2007 6:34 PM
antebellum- yes Jenn actually says she had sex with him UNWILLINGLY and that the bottle spoke for her and made her decisions. SAD sad sad
33 of 34 | Posted by McCreamy
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Posted on January 6, 2007 10:51 AM
CheeZ TV Addict, on second thought, I used to think you were funny, but now I think you're an idiot. How the hell is it any different if she tells her male roommates about her hookups than her female roommates? They all live together, do they not? My guy and girl friends talk equally to each other hooking up, so it sounds like you have some sort of stupid double standard that makes no sense to me whatsoever.
34 of 34 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on January 7, 2007 6:57 PM