The group then went to sleep in what was possibly the nicest tent of all time. Seriously, it was so large and roomy, I wouldn't be surprised if it were used for weddings.

tent010307
Tents courtesy of the RITZ-CARLTON.

I thought at last we might actually get some drama -- what with the close confines and everything -- but alas, the lack of alcohol revealed these kids for what we always feared they might be: painfully boring.

The next morning, we spotted a fugitive squirrel dashing about the tent's hinterlands, and then it was time for the big jog. Colie couldn't participate on account of her mono, which meant we heard her complain once again about how she hates being left behind and blah blah blah. We then watched the roommates go running through the woods, ultimately reaching some body of water where they did some pushups and then braced for the big swim. As you can imagine, Brooke struggled greatly with these challenges, and when it came time for her to dip into the water (all she had to do was dunk her head underwater), she completely freaked out. My oh my, what would she do???

Well, as you might have guessed, she eventually stepped into the water where she then proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs like some sort of gorgon sea monster of the Aegean Sea.

brooke010307

Once she had sufficiently made a ridiculous scene, the group returned to camp where some guy named Adrian cooked up a delightful spread of eggs, orange juice, fruit, etc. Let me say something. I'm no camping expert. I've only done it a few times in my life, but this was the most luxurious "hardcore" camping experience I'd seen in quite some time. Lame.

After breakfast, it was time to face the inevitable dilemma of the trip: where to go poopy. Brooke attempted to do #2 in an outhouse, but somehow, she wound up shitting herself, which was fairly gross. She then asked, "How do you flush that thing? You can't flush it, can you?" Funny things about forests, Brooke. THEY DON'T HAVE PIPES.

Finally, it was time for the ropes course -- an event so exciting, Brooke just had to do her makeup first -- you never know what boys you might meet up in the treetops! Well, here's the thing about ropes courses: they are hella fun to do, but absolutely AWFUL to watch on television. Wow this sequence was painful. The only joy came from Brooke's total fear of heights, which caused her to shriek, "OH GOD! I HATE THIS!!!" Those Katrina kids are gonna have a great time with these guides!

Brooke ultimately had to leave the ropes course before finishing, leading her to feel a profound sense of shame and embarrassment. "It's just not fair that people can do the things that I can't!" she bawled. Yes, I'm sure every paralyzed person in America has great sympathy for you right now, Brooke.

Luckily, Chris was there to give her a warm pep talk. "You succeeded on the first part of the course!" he said. Translation: you dumb bitch. You're a failure.

Oh wait, maybe that wasn't the translation. Chris then said, "There is no failure. There's only success." Unless, of course, you fail.

Once everyone had made it through the course, Chris gathered everyone around to talk about the experience. "What was the greatest challenge for you, and how did you move through it?" he asked. I half expected Jenn to answer, "My greatest challenge was crossing those ropes knowing there wasn't a glass of wine for me to drink at the other end. That was awful."

Okay, Jenn didn't say that. Instead, Brooke talked about how embarrassed she was that she couldn't finish and how she felt like crap. Snore.

The next day, the group hiked up to Turtle Rock for a little round of rock climbing. Sensational! After a little tutorial from Chris, the kids began scampering up the rocks, with Jenn observing, "I'm climbing this rock, and I'm not scared. I'm not fearful." To be fair, she just pretended like she was scaling the world's largest shot glass.

Recap: The Real World: Camping Is Fun! Sections:  1  |  2  |  3 

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Comments (22)

brilliantmistake Author Profile Page:

At first I thought Brooke might be cool because she didn't get drunk and hook-up within the first 5 minutes of the show (and every 5 minutes after that), but now I think she's one of those neurotics that are completely exhausting to know. The kind of person you wind up sending directly to voicemail when you see their id because answering is a guaranteed 1/2 hour conversation, minimum, about their issues*.

Whereas the slutty oompa loompa has some solid entertainment value.

*For the record, I don't do this friends (I also don't have friends that whine that much without me making fun of them for it-to their face), but I do have some business associates that fit the bill.

srsdal Author Profile Page:

As an avid TVgasm reader who has Outward Bounded in Colorado I was really excited to see Real Worlders be put through the OB experience...what with toiletries not being allowed and all. One look at that tent and I really have to say that it is not an accurate reflection of the experience...probably because if you put a bunch the seven strangers under an 8x6 tarp between a pair of trees they would rebel and remain chaste and pure for the duration of the Real Worldin'. I just don't want my friends to watch this and think I'm a pansy for complaining about how hard my trip was for the last two years...I totally got a parasite in my leg - I promise!

bulletproofheart Author Profile Page:

anyone else notices brooke's complete and total aversion to wearing pants?

Devoted Satellite Author Profile Page:

B-Side.... Awesome job covering Real World. Thank you for allowing me to laugh at these people and save me the half hour of torture in having to watch the actual show. Seriously, watching this show makes me upset for the state of humanity.

I remember the good old days (seasons 1-4?....ended a bit in Miami) where there were REAL people as opposed to girls gone wild rejects and when they didn't force the cast into some pointless job to ensure the cast had to interact with one another.

Humoungous Balls Author Profile Page:

WE DEMAND A RECAP OF THE EPIC MONO/GHETTO EPISODE!!

Pamsey Author Profile Page:

B-Side,
I'm really glad to hear you got some much deserved R&R. Don't worry about the ghetto recap, after reading TVGasm for well over a year, I can watch the episode and hear your comments in my head.

dsher Author Profile Page:

I missed you B-side! I'm so glad you are back.

These Real World-ers are pathetic. That Brooke needs some serious help. I hate the way Jen is always talking so fast I can hardly understand what the hell she is saying especially when she is drunk which is most of the time on the show.

I'll have to go watch the after show and see what she has to say about Alex.

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict Author Profile Page:

That tent screen cap cracked me up, for some reason it reminded me of those "Heaven's Gate" people, and Chris reminded me of Marshall Applewhite.

This show would have been so much better if they were filming and doing OB now, in the middle of the blizzards. They could get stranded, starve and then eat each other - not like John ate Jenn (eeew!)- but like the Donner Party.

Steve Author Profile Page:

For such a self-proclaimed "girly-girl" always worried about her looks, shouldn't Brooke, you know, like look good sometimes? I know they're in the woods now, but she's just bleh in every episode.

Also, in the famous "nail salon in the ghetto" episode, she mentions that she's still paying for her apartment...in L.A. So I'm guessing she's another struggling actress who only gigs will be on Inferno 39 when everyone else interesting has died of old age/alcohol/drug/std abuse.

Is nobody else completely annoyed by Outward Bound Chris's gratingly soothing voice?! He's totally a less hyper version of Ty Pennington.

Junzilla Author Profile Page:

Great recap as always B-Side. Good to see you back.

I personally am a Brooke fan because all the cast members are, of course, drunken idiots. I think her neuroic features are due to her parents being psychiatrists. That would make anyone crazy.

I also have talked to her and she seems she has grown since the show. I am sure we will hear it all on the Reunion Show.

Tweezers Author Profile Page:

I wonder if Chris knows he is gay.

HA, EColie is totally from New Jersey. Also, her name is totally Nicole. Her mom CALLED her Nicole. She's probably one of those people who makes up their own nicknames.

Tweezers Author Profile Page:

PROPS to Chee-Z-TeeVee Addic, for invoking the Applewhite name...

Brooke is only paying 4-something in rent... might she live in a ghetto??? At least mom's got her utilities covered.

nursecoco Author Profile Page:

NIColie went to college in New Orleans. She is not "from" New Orleans. Everyone knows she is "from" New Jersey because she cannot hide her Jersey accent, Jersey name and Jersey-Girl look. She attended Tulane for four years. What did she lose in Katrina? Her sorority house?

anniedawg25 Author Profile Page:

I guess it's cool that kids from New Orleans are going to be participating in OutWard bound, but don't you think they would like to, I don't know, GET THEIR HOUSES BACK? "Sorry your town got destroyed and you probably had to live in Fema Trailers for a year, but let's camp in this gnarly tent!"

Then they gotta deal with these 7 screw ups who will make this "rejuvenating expereince" totally traumatizing for them, I am sure.

Poor kids! But at the same time, i am interested to see how this whole thing will turn out for everyone involved.

antebellum Author Profile Page:

Oh B-Side, why do you have to be so negative? Brooke succeeded... in failing.

You know, any character that's remotely likable at the beginning of this show is completely destroyed after just a few episodes. I used to like Brooke, but she's just too much of a nutcase to really tolerate.

I'm surprised Jenn wasn't going through withdrawal after the first couple of hours. Or delirium tremens. These kids are all going to hell.

jozeyg Author Profile Page:

This is the most messed up cast in RW history ever, in my opinion. Well, maybe just the girls are.

Colie looks like a 'tard. Sorry no offense to anyone, but seriously...the way she was walking out of the house to see their new cars was weird. She looks like someone should be wiping drool from her mouth all the time. Sorry, she looks messed up all the time and she talks like she has a hard time moving her mouth.

Jenn has problems, of course. She's drunk all the time. When she met that guy John she was dancing in front of him like she was challenging him to a dance off. I thought that was funny. She openly shows that she's a whore, she tells the guys that John performed oral sex on her. Attention whore. I'm so glad Alex said what he said to her, she deserved that. I can't believe she blames Alex for them havin sex. He didn't force her to do anything. And she says she dosen't have sex on the first date. First of all, she didn't go on a date with any of these guys but she did have sex and oral sex the first night.

Brooke is crazy, seriously. She looks irritated all the damn time. The funniest thing ever was watching her scream when she was in the cold water. I couldn't stop laughing. She was screaming before she got in the water. haha. But the girl obviously is unstable. Paula walnuts was crazy too, but she was likeable. Brooke just annoys me.

I think the guys are the most normal. They just act like typical guys. Except maybe for Stephen. He's an instigator, and he's gay. I call it. And on his little interviews he had the most girlish/babyish voice. Yeah, he annoys me soo much.

Yeah, this is the most unstable cast ever. But yet I still watch for entertainment. I can't wait when any of them join the RW/RR challenges, they are so going to be outcasted by everyone.

Sorry for the long post!

antebellum Author Profile Page:

I can't believe there was no mention of Stephen's comment, "I'm afraid that she (Brooke) might lose control and drown." Haha. Um, that water was only about waist-deep, and unless Brooke had a seizure or something, there was no way she was going to drown. I laughed my ass off at that.

I loved the Paddington Bear comment, B-Side. I laughed for days.

jozeyg Author Profile Page:

I think Jenn and Ripsi(from The Bad Girls club) should have their own show. That would be hilarious. Jenn would be hooking up with the pool boy on the first nite and Ripsi will come charging in beating the crap out of them. love it.

cbgb Author Profile Page:

dsher - yeah what the heck is that all about? Jenn talks to fast, it's like she's always in a race with her words or something.

jozeyg - "I think the guys are the most normal. They just act like typical guys. Except maybe for Stephen. He's an instigator, and he's gay."
Hilarious!!! My boyfriend and I thought the same thing of him. Why is he busy trying to organize Tyrie's dates and he's not trying to get at anyone one of them girls himself?

McCreamy Author Profile Page:

jozeyg- good idea about Ripsi and Jenn... throw in Zara and Brooke and we'd have some serious entertainment.
I'm glad Alex said something to Jenn, she was running her mouth anyway. Not like he just came out of nowhere and brought that up.
After seeing Brooke in the Outward Bound, I kind of have a soft spot for her. I think she's one of those people who isn't crazy for attention.. she's really crazy and can't help it! I give her credit, she tried really hard instead of sitting the whole thing out which is what I expected from her. She is annoying, but it's almost endearing. At least she doesn't pick fights with people or get trashed all the time.

djellswo Author Profile Page:

"I was expecting that the group would immediately bust out some trust falls and whatnot, but instead, Chris talked about New Orleans, causing Colie to pipe up with "I'm from New Orleans." Bitch, you're from New Jersey. SILENCE."

Hilarious B-side. I thought the same exact thing when Colie had that annoying grin because she thought she was somehow a victim just like these kids. Bitch

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