Last night's episode began with stirring news: Svetlana's boyfriend Martin would be coming to town. Finally, we'd get to meet the boy who puts up with this babushka's drama day in and day out. The excitement was palpable. I apologize. Sarcasm doesn't always translate.

Anyway, Svetty was all nervous for Martin to come to the house. "I don't want anyone to talk to him," she said. Now why would she say that? Just because everyone in the house seems to harp on her ceaselessly, I'm sure they'd be most delightful to Martin! Especially Tyler! Nevertheless, Janelle quickly changed the topic from Martin to more important things: "So what are you doing for your birthday?" she asked, adding, "I need to know so Tyler and I can ruin it." Okay, Janelle did not say that. In fact, Janelle had been quite nice to Svetty in the wake of their recent bonding experience. She had even volunteered to bake her a birthday cake. All Svetlana needed to do was tell her what she wanted. Luckily, Fitz was an easy customer. She just wanted a marble cake with fudge on top and white frosting lettering and little flowers on the edge and an ice statue and forty virgins carrying baskets of fruits from the farthest corners of Persia. Just basic stuff. Okay, maybe she didn't demand those last few things, but she did have explicit instructions for Janelle: "I want some frosting, but I don't want too much; so if the lettering is in frosting, it's not too much. It doesn't overpower the fudge." Okay, RELAX. Let's not be a frosting brat (even though there's a high chance I would probably request the exact same thing). I personally was surprised Tyler didn't run into the room and yell, "You'll get whatever cake we damn well make, you low-life cake snob bitch!"

Well, Janelle talked to us a little bit about how she and Svetlana had been growing tighter recently (aww) and how she really wanted to make her birthday party as great as possible (double aww). It all kind of reminded me that throughout this, Svetlana was only a teenage. Not that that excuses her from any sort of behavior, but it just makes Tyler all the more pathetic for picking on her so ruthlessly.

Anyway, we then headed outside where Paula was drifting in the pool, having a very Graduate moment. With "The Sound of Silence" playing in my head, she told us that her time with Dr. Covan was drawing to a close, and he really wanted her to think about something she wanted to accomplish before moving back up to Connecticut. After much thought, she decided the best thing for her would be to open the lines of communication with her parents and let them know that Keith was still in her life. It was a good idea. I mean, they'd find out sooner or later...

"Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to KISS MY ASS!!! KISS MY GODDAMN ASS!!!!"

Well, Paula sauntered upstairs and wrote her mom an email, expressing anxiety on how it would be received. "I hope this is gonna turn out okay," she said. Oh, I'm sure it will be fine. It'll probably go along the lines of "Hi sweetie! I got your email. So wonderful to hear from you! Now KISS MY ASS! KISS MY GODDAMN MATERNAL ASS!!! Hugs and kisses, Mom."

Elsewhere in the house, Janelle informed John that Svetlana was all nervous about Martin's impending visit. Apparently, he "doesn't talk about like politics and all that stuff." 'Tis a shame. Because if there's anything this season is known for, it's the lively political discussions. It's like going to the Algonquin Roundtable without a witty barb!