So dolls, this is it. The last episode of the Real World Holllywood. Wow, time sure flies when they half the season, doesn't it? This week, there's a mad dash to get the careers going, there's a beat down at a club, Meathead returns and then we say goodbye. Grab your designer shades, and let's head out for one more trip to the land of sunshine and dreams...
I'm digging the anorexia, but you should probably stop walking around like a cripple, umkay?
We start with a final dinner at the house with Charna...and Andy Dick! Wow, we are going out with one huge celeb bang. Everyone's a little sad. Horsey Brittini doesn't think she had enough time in the Real World house. Well, you get what you get, alternate. Goody Sarah wants to know that she's "going to be okay". Well, considering she's better than anyone else on earth, she probably will be.
"The salmon's great!" crows Charna, Granny-like as ever. Andy Dick gives what I'm sure is meant to be a moving goodbye speech, but come on, who's going to take a life lesson from a middle-aged has been who still makes the gossip rags on weekly basis for being in a drunken, coke induced stupor? The one funny part of the speech is when he says, "I'm forty-one. Charna's eighty," and Charna just nods with a mouthful of salmon. That's right. She's eighty, bitches.
Be patient guys. Judy Tenuta should be here soon, and then it's gonna be totally A list.
Blondie Kim reminds us that she wants to be an entertainment reporter. She wants to work for E! Entertainment Television. Aiming high. She has no idea how to go about doing that, but she does know that it's all about connections. See, even the dumb ones know that. She goes for a walk with Slick Nick, and complains that she doesn't know how to make things happen. Slick tells her to take advantage of every opportunity, but Blondie has a very good reason why she isn't doing this. "I would, but no one lets me sleep!" Uh-oh. Seacrest better watch his ass. One decent night's sleep, and Blondie's gonna take over.
Later on, Blondie sits in the kitchen and asks Rick James Will if he's heard from Meathead Joey. Rick tells her no one's heard from him, and that he's "presumed dead". Then Rick complains about how Meat's been so out of touch. First of all, can you blame him? His roommates couldn't have been less supportive of his cleaning up, but now that he's gone he's supposed to check in every day? And second of all, how many times do you think any of them bothered to call Meat? I'm betting none.
And you know where this one's going...we're going to check in with Meat back in Chicago! You know how much I miss this big lug. And true to form, Meat turns up in a hard hat to show that he's doing important, yet dangerous work. He's working for some company that fixes steel cages. He also unloads trucks. Sweet simplicity. He also has a girlfriend named Malaine. He mentions that she's supportive of his sobriety. Well, he's sure not with her for her car, some taupe piece of crap with a dent in the side and the gas tank door hanging open. Between the car and the rain coming down...poor Meat. Is he sure he couldn't make things work with cocaine?
Is there a shortage of hair gel in Chicago, or is troll doll hair in there?
And it gets sadder. In a sad little house. With some friends, watching their backyard-wrestling meet on VHS. Everyone was sober, and that was their fun. In a completely unrehearsed moment, Meat's bestie John asks him if he misses Hollywood. Well, he sure does miss the weather, he replies, but it wasn't how he thought it was going to be. Oh, bless his simple little heart. What did he think it was going to be? Agency meetings with apple juice? He questions leaving...it's something that haunts him.
We catch up with Rick James and Janelle walking down the street together and Rick's got three things to put out there. First, he wants her to be his girlfriend again. Second, he wants a house with her. And finally, he wants three "ginger kids" with her. Okay, what? What the hell's a ginger kid? Janelle's confused too. You know, a red haired kid with freckles, he tells her. Oh, adorable. I'd like to have some dreadlocked kids myself, but I'm fairly certain my white ass couldn't pull it off.
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Comments (7)
Ugh Sarah is SO judgemental, I mean who does she think she is?? She was the most boring Real Worlder, why did they cast her??
And Im from Chicago and yes it does get that wet. It snowed soo much this winter and its rained a lot this summer. And that wasent rain that was horrible wet snow!
I love your recaps!
1 of 7 | Posted by lulu5087 | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:58 PM
Hey ChickBomb, lovely recap, you are the perfect mix of heart and rapier-sharp wits, I think you nailed it to the wall.
I did catch the reunion special, and I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on it, especially some of the assholish antics of Dave Dolt, and the special event that happened to Rick James (I don't want to spoil it for those who didn't catch it already). I will say, like you, pretty much any good will I had built up towards most of them was quickly and efficiently erased by what I saw in their reunion special. This show is so sad now. But you made me happy about it again!
love,
xoxo
J-Mo :)
2 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:58 PM
"Well, then we get a little more improv action. This never gets interesting."
I could not agree more with this comment! The scenes at the IO are the part of the show when I decide to do laundry instead of watching. I'd much rather see our Real Worlders trapse through the woods in their underwear than "take a class." Who's idea was that anyway? So glad this is over. This show has gone way downhill since Julie and Kevin's fight about racism on the street in front of their loft on Real World New York.
The roommates are way too aware of the cameras now and its the show has gone from a social experiment to signing up to live in a fishbowl for your 15 minutes of fame.
That said, ChickBomb- you rock. Totes happy you're recapping the train wreck that will be I Love Money!
3 of 7 | Posted by OhioAnnie | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:36 AM
ChickBomb, or should I call you Kim? You did a kick ass job with this season, which was one of the best in a while. I liked shortened season w/ hour episodes and hope they keep that up. That comment Dave made about his only regret being hooking up with Kim, I was hoping that was just tongue in cheek, or maybe bad editing to make him look like a jerk. You never know, the next sentence he said could have been that he regretted it because it interfered with their friendship or something. Anyway, I can't wait for your reunion show recap.
4 of 7 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on July 18, 2008 7:08 AM
Chickbomb, love your recaps but not every South Carolinian is small minded and racist! Just thought I would throw that out there!
5 of 7 | Posted by RLR123 | Posted on July 18, 2008 8:03 AM
I don't know why no one has pointed out the obvious- that Sara very well might be racist. Now, I'm not saying that's the case for sure, but it's interesting how she seems to have irrational anger always directed towards the black people in the house(Bri, Nick,Greg)- I believe she led the charge against Greg since the very first episode, talking shit about him so that by the time he entered the house, the guy never had a chance. She jumped all over Bri for sleeping with a guy in their room, but never said a peep when it was Kim and Dave doing the exact same thing, night after night. And she even started this big beef with Nick(clearly the nicest guy in the house) who had done nothing to her(from what I could tell) for no reason whatsoever. When it comes to the white roommates however, Sarah clicked with Kim from day one, never had an issue with Dave at all(even though he was banging away at Kim only feet from where her majesty slept), and was all understanding and sweet to Joey after he personally terrorized her and the other roommates. I think Will was the only exception because he was her little bitch boy, never stepping on her toes, and jumping all over Greg to protect her majesty, as well as letting her know how beautiful and desired she was(barf!). I'm sure Sarah would be horrified at having this accusation directed towards her, but I've seen her type before, and there definitely seems to be a pattern with who receives the brunt of her judgementalism and bitchiness.
6 of 7 | Posted by jazz hands | Posted on July 18, 2008 8:36 PM
Interesting, jazz hands. that definitely makes sense.
Why was Joey still wearing his hard hat in his girlfriend's car? I know it was a piece of shit but it did have a roof right?
7 of 7 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on July 19, 2008 1:01 PM