They've only had ninety minutes of airtime, but the cast of Real World: Austin continues to dazzle with their potent brew of stupidity and horniness. This week, we learned the vicious truths about the fighting culture as Danny suffered in the aftermath of his highly painful skull fracture. The Boston native embarked on a highly spiritual and thoughtful journey as he examined whether or not a life of violence was worth... oh, who the hell am I kidding? This is The Real World! We don't care about introspective consequences! It's all about sex and booze! So that's why we spent nearly the whole half hour pondering whether or not Danny's injury would lead to a little fractured-skull lovin' -- because nothing's as romantic as a broken eye socket.
The show began with Danny in all his bandaged glory wondering whether or not to press charges against his assailant. He claimed he wanted to find the guy "for safety reasons." That's pretty cool. Hey, I have another reason why you should find the guy: HE BROKE YOUR SKULL. Anyway, Dr. Shepler (or as they say in Long Island, Doctah Sheplah) told Danny that he couldn't operate until his swelling went down, which meant we'd see the poor kid moping around the house with an ice pack on his eye for the rest of the episode. Oh, Dr. Shep, one last question. After the operation, how long until Danny is back to normal? Six months? A year? Nope. How about a week. Yes, that's right. After all of Dr. Shepler's hellfire and brimstone last week (you could get an infection! You could go blind! You could DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE!!!!), turns out this entire injury could be fixed and forgotten in about a week. Well, that's disappointing. I mean, for us -- not Danny. So much for this being the Season of the Skull. I guess I'll just take down that poster I spent FOUR HOURS ON.
Okay, I didn't make a poster, but nevertheless, I was pretty shocked that Danny would be A-OK so quickly. Unfortunately, he was in such pain now that even his short recovery period couldn't raise his spirits (only MelindaSex™ can do that, but I'm getting ahead of myself). Anyway, plucky Rachel had just the bestest idea in the whole wide world! "I think tonight we should like go to the Hard Rock Café or something that has milkshakes, and we can all sit down and get a milkshake together!" Oh, LET'S! Then we can hold hands and sing songs and maybe, just maybe, we can get our skulls all bashed in so we can all go through it together! Yay! By the way, note to Rachel: I know you're new to town, but I guarantee there are better, easier, and less expensive places to get milkshakes than the Hard Rock.
Well, the allure of milkshakes and rock 'n' roll memorabilia wasn't as strong for Danny as it was for Rachel. Besides, he had other pressing issues. His medical state, you say? No. Melinda! Apparently Danny had been shying away from the self-anointed nymph "because he feels ugly, and when he feels ugly, he doesn't feel like he deserves her," explained the lactose-deprived Rachel. We then cut to Danny screaming, "Don't look at me! I'M HIDEOUS!!!!" He then climbed atop Nôtre Dame and rang the bells for hours and hours.
If you thought this episode was going to be about Danny though, you'd be wrong. Way wrong. You see, Danny + skull fracture = not drunk. And not drunk = get off MTV. Yes, this was actually Melinda's show, and sadly, after about two minutes with Danny, we returned to the blonde beauty as she babbled on the phone with her boyfriend, Jason. Sigh. Second episode, and we were already getting the first Hometown Honey scene. Great. Luckily, the conversation lasted about five seconds, but as any Bunim/Murray aficionado knows, this was just the calm before the storm.
Nevertheless, there were bigger and better things to focus on; specifically, the grand introduction of this season's mystery job. A package at the door instructed the kiddos to be ready the next morning at 9:40 AM. Wear your bathing suits and team colors. Oh, sorry, random Inferno II impulse. What I meant to say was that a cab would be coming for the roommates the next morning, and as everyone tried to predict their fates, Lacey fretted that she'd be stuck in a stereotypical Texas job. Oh please, let her fears come true! Make them rodeo clowns! No, better yet: oil tycoons! Now that would be fun times.
« Countdown to BB6 | Main | Are You Ready For Some Football??? Apparently Not »
Comments (23)
Oh . . . my . . . God. I thought your recaps couldn't get any funnier, but I've just spent the last 10 minutes laughing with tears and snot running down my face.
As for Steck . . . Art Garfunkel and . . . Harold Ramis in "Stripes."
1 of 23 | Posted by toooldforthisdemographic | Posted on June 29, 2005 5:53 AM
This episode felt so short and I hate how they really didnt show Mel and Danny getting it on. LOL
2 of 23 | Posted by Jennifer | Posted on June 29, 2005 5:58 AM
I love (read HATE) how Mel decided the right moment to tell Danny that she was ready to date him while clad in a TOWEL. Subtle girl, subtle.
Rachel, you may not like good old Mike Moore but if I went around wretching when a partner told me I had a new client, that wouldnt go over too well. I can already tell your professionalism and job skills are going to be great. (like the rest of real world people).
3 of 23 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on June 29, 2005 6:33 AM
The best part of this whole "I have a man who deeply cares about me and I've only known him for 5 days and I'm dumping my promise ring boyfriend of 3 years" is that in promos of the full season, it shows Melinda hooking up with Wes. So, apparently, the Danny/Melinda relationship is short-lived. They're only there 4 months for crying out loud! It doesn't get much shorter than that!
4 of 23 | Posted by B-Rock | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:07 AM
Danny and Mel aside, the person I already can't stand is this Rachel bitch. I didn't want to say anything about her because I always support our troops no matter what, but this bitch feels such a need throw it in our face that she was a combat vet it's ridiculous. Thank God most of our troops and war vets aren't like her with her post service arrogance. Yes you served in Iraq... we get it already.
5 of 23 | Posted by bacardi | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:25 AM
Oh and Lacey's hand... she must've caught a case of the Michael Jacksons.
6 of 23 | Posted by bacardi | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:28 AM
"Anyway, Melinda explained to us that Danny had broken up with her twice to be with other girls (idiot), but now that she was on The Real World, she felt Empowered!" didn't see it, but do you mean Jason?
7 of 23 | Posted by jane | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:51 AM
you wrote "Anyway, Melinda explained to us that Danny had broken up with her twice to be with other girls (idiot), but now that she was on The Real World, she felt Empowered!" didn't see it, but do you mean Jason?
8 of 23 | Posted by jane | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:51 AM
did anyone catch rachel's comment last week that her job in the army was taking injured people to the hospital? uhm, is that what a nurse does? or a chauffer?
and melinda has some serious issues. she's kinda like a prettier, less skanky, yet just as desperate, insecure & slutty trishelle or sarah.
and as someone who lived in austin for 11 years, i really wish they'd leave the downtown area at least once this season, but it's starting to look like that won't happen.
9 of 23 | Posted by rhm | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:52 AM
I'm not sure what is gonna happen but B-side......I love you.
10 of 23 | Posted by Sean | Posted on June 29, 2005 8:03 AM
Jane - fixed it. Thanks!
11 of 23 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on June 29, 2005 9:14 AM
Ahhh... the real world. The never ending self deluded absurdity brings me such joy. It seems as though you missed a key plot point. From what I can gather, Jason didn't break up with Melinda. He said "I was ready to write you off" after her snotty picking a fight the night before. That's not a breakup. He expressed what any sane boyfriend would when his f'n hot girl friend is on the real world. To paraphrase: "I figured you'd already screwed some abercrombie model from Boston, whaddyagonna do?" Homegirl's got some serious skills when it comes to spinning golden drama outa straw. I'm not saying she shouldn't a dumped his ass. In fact, I think she should screw every guy in the house while her ex is on speaker phone. But let's call a spade a spade. Bunim/Murray hit the jackpot with this chick. Oh, sigh, it's gonna be a saucy season. I'm so glad I've found TVgasm to enjoy it with...
12 of 23 | Posted by Becky | Posted on June 29, 2005 9:42 AM
i'd like it if next season, the job is for the cast to film their own season of the real world. that would be so efficient!
13 of 23 | Posted by merlatonin | Posted on June 29, 2005 9:59 AM
Glad to see someone's taking Danny's mind off his painful skull fracture, but yechh, Melinda's such a trashy whore.
The guys of the house should look further than that Paris Hilton-wanna be (and in my book, if you're gonna aspire to be like anyone, I don't think you can pick anyone sluttier and less respectable than Paris).
The guys this season seem OK. Hopefully they'll be able to get out of the house and find some more sane women, especially considering Johanna proved herself to be a total lunatic in the first episode, Lacey's too uptight and Casper-esque, and Rachel's just flat-out annoying.
14 of 23 | Posted by ... | Posted on June 29, 2005 10:30 AM
His name is Paul Stekler, not Steckler. Ie.. it's STEk, like Shrek, not STECK....
15 of 23 | Posted by spellcheck | Posted on June 29, 2005 12:34 PM
***SPOILER ALERT (if its possible for RW to have spoilers)*** Great recap! Laughed my arse off. Melinda was on a Milwaukee radio station to talk about last nights show....and guess who she was with during her recap?? Danny. They are still together and she is thinking about moving to Boston to be with him!
Oh and the editing looked like all that stuff with Danny and Melinda happened in like a two day period but it was actually about two weeks later that she was begging him to be with her on the stairs with that silly blanket on.
16 of 23 | Posted by Kristin | Posted on June 29, 2005 6:13 PM
Melissa needs to relax. the first night she was there she "felt a connection" with Danny. DAMN!!! Give ppl some time to feel like there are some actual feelings, and it is not justification for some hooking-ups all season. Gotta love the RW!
17 of 23 | Posted by Peta | Posted on June 29, 2005 7:21 PM
Not that I really care that much about the love lives of the RW cast, but NO SPOILERS, Kristin.
18 of 23 | Posted by suebee | Posted on June 30, 2005 6:32 AM
I need to stop reading your RW recaps at work because I get that "tears well up from suppressed laughter" thing going on.
19 of 23 | Posted by Kimberly | Posted on July 1, 2005 11:03 AM
Is Rachel "special"?
20 of 23 | Posted by Real Austinite | Posted on July 1, 2005 12:20 PM
I'm already tired of Lacey--Not her, per-say, but that PERSONALITY! The "Youcantellmeanything" chick. And those hands...eww
21 of 23 | Posted by Ben Pitts | Posted on July 4, 2005 4:23 PM
I'm already tired of Lacey--Not her, per-say, but that PERSONALITY! The "Youcantellmeanything" chick. And those hands...eww
22 of 23 | Posted by Ben Pitts | Posted on July 4, 2005 4:23 PM
about AUSTIN, i never been there, but whats it like, bc all they show is the bars....
???????????????????????????????????????
dont they do other stuff besides party all night and drink?
bc all the party scences are so stupid.
real world san diego was the coolest
this was prety ok too.
23 of 23 | Posted by haha | Posted on July 11, 2005 6:07 PM