Welcome back to the Real World Cancun! Ding, dong the herpes is dead! Tonight, the star of the show is Jasmine!, her four feet of drama,
...and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.
We're back in Cancun to the strains of Joey's sad Gone music. Brawny thinks this is the worst day ever or something stupid like that. Everybody's Gay Bestie Derek snuggles with a pillow and tells us he's pretending it's Joey. What, like they were hanging around the suite just snuggling all the time and Derek's going to miss that? When did those two even speak? Derek's such a follower. Everyone else is sad Joey's gone, I will be too. I'll snuggle over it.
Huh?
So basically you're back home gettin' high and texting. Poorly. You so didn't need this show.
But there's one roomie who sure isn't sad that Joey's gone, and it's Ayiiia. Before we go any further, I have to tell a funny story about Ayiiia. Me, Flippy, J Mo, Honey G & Monamonzano were having a caucus about the Real World on Friday night (yes, we all hung out and it was delightful) and at some point someone asked me what was the deal with the three 'i's in her name. "Oh no, there's only two 'i's," I corrected them. I am the Real World expert, am I not? Well, actually - no, I'm not. "No, it's three," I was informed by multiple sources. Huh, I thought, interesting.
Cut to an hour later as we're gasping with laughter outside over Joey's complete lack of accountability in getting up for work in the morning. "What am I supposed to do, just WAKE UP?" we acted out on Hollywood Blvd. "Oh, and by the way," interrupted Flippy, "Why can't you spell that chick's name right? It's three 'i's, dammit! I have to do a find and replace on every single recap!" I really did think she only had two 'i's. I was actually wondering on the comments why everyone was making such a big deal about all the vowels. So, how does one say dumbass in espanol?
Anyway, back to Ayiiia, she's really happy that Joey's gone. She gives another lofty speech about karma and I think it's just about time to shut the hell up about it. You're on the asshole train too, sister, you just manage to make it to work on time. Ayiiia and Jassy ceremoniously toss Joey's creepy doll head that he bought into the ocean, and Jassy comments that she'd pretty much love for Ayiiia to shut up now too. Piglet CJ tells us what a great person Joey is, and what a great energy he brought to the house. Piglet's feeling really bad about this alarm clock watch thing. Joey was a disease.
And so is crazy. Both can be suppressed, but never completely cured.
The next day, Buzzkill Boss Christina is coming to visit the group. Brawny tells us that they're all wearing attire honoring Joey. That means they all look like idiots. Then they sit and sulk like third graders. But Christina tells them it's not personal, and they need to "dig deep" to do their jobs. Then she springs some charity gig on them. Xtina's no dummy. They can't slack off on a charity event! Although, CJ, the oldest in the house does set a lovely tone by shuffling out of the room with a mumbled, "Whatever."
Later that day, Emilee (did I spell that one right?) gets a care package of Adderall from her Mom. It is an enormous package of drugs. Emilee does a happy dance everywhere. "It keeps me organized," she tells us flakily. Sure honey, you just keep taking that Adderall and dancing at Hooters. I mean, serving hot wings there. You know what I mean.
That night, Jassy's out at the club with everyone's least favorite scrawny ass lame loser DJ from Canada telling him, "You've thrown me off my game so bad it's not even funny." First of all, I heart little four foot tall Jassy, but she has no game. Rihanna has game. Oh, we also had a discussion about her skanky weave covered goodies, and why every spring breaker in Cancun seemed to want them. I think Flippy had a theory about trashy vacation sex.
The theory was that Jasmine will never have it.
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