The Rape of Tommy Gavin - 
by Umnata
So a few weeks ago there was a great deal of hubbub swirling around Rescue Me over Tommy "raping" his ex-wife Janet. Gauntlets were thrown and two camps were formed: Team Tommy Rapist and Team HateFuck. Subsequent episodes and much debate later, it's pretty clear that what transpired between Tommy and Janet was just yet another footnote in the long, sordid and heavily dysfunctional epic novel that is their relationship. This week Janet returned the favor, flipping the tables on Tommy and putting to rest whatever lingering questions anyone might have about what to consider the last Janet-Tommy tryst. Rape victims usually don't return to their attacker wearing nothing but a trench coat and some lingere that Frederick's of Hollywood decided was too scandalous for their Fall 2007 line. But we'll get to the gory details later, in between we have an interesting Probie Gaywatch developments and the Angela-Tommy evil plan springs into action with some surprising results.
Tommy starts his day like most men do: in the bathroom brushing his teeth and having a good man cry. We can only assume that again Tommy is once again being overwhelmed by grief over the tragic death of his son, Conner, last season. It's a fresh wound, and Tommy is just starting to feel it. Lou starts knocking on the door, and Tommy quickly goes to the door and says he's okay. Just a little sand in his vagina - I mean, uhh, something in his eye. Lou isn't buying it, especially when Tommy couldn't care less about the fact that his dad pissed the bed again, or that Lou is going to take a shit on the floor.
Tommy makes his way over to a street hockey game the Ladder 62 Iceholes are playing against a Bronx firehouse. Probie, as usual, is talking to some young, strapping buck from the other team and the Captain of the Bronx team starts busting Tommy's balls about the Probie. Tommy, in what I guess is considered a compliment, tells the Bronx captain that Probie might be an idiot but he's their idiot and to leave him alone.
HANDS OFF OUR PROBIE GRANDPA!!!
The Bizzaro Probie from the Bronx team that our Probie is talking to is shipping out to Iraq in a few weeks, so Tommy starts the game by asking for a round of applause for him before they give him one last American ass kicking. Tommy and the Captain get into it again, and he tells Tommy that everyone knows Probie wants out of Ladder 62. In the interim Probie scores a goal and then heads over to give the Bizzaro Probie a consolatory handjob for not being on his best defensive. Tommy, of course, yells at Probie, off handedly asking him if he's banging that guy. Probie says he's just being friendly, and besides why would he be banging a lowly Army rat when he has a big, burly lumberjack at home giving out free blowjobs? Duh, Tommy. The game ends abruptly, and the Iceholes win the $400 pot. Tommy, gives half the money to Bizzaro Probiefor his trip to Iraq, and takes the rest back to the firehouse.
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