Road Rules X-Treme is so awesome. These folks are like unbelievable, and their stunts were SOOOO scary. This is like nothing we have never seen before, and will be the best real world ever.
Now that you picked yourself up off the floor from laughing so hard at the first paragraph, I will give you a little time to compose yourself before reading the rest of my impressions of the 13th installment in Bunim-Murray's Road Rules franchise.
Donnell from the South Pacific season ruined all of the chances for anybody with a waist size bigger than 34 from ever getting picked for another Bunim-Murray special. This season, we go back to basics with a cast that, while not cut from an Abercrombie Catalog, could easily have been pulled from an American Eagle circular. This year we get Danny, Derrick, Ibis, Joni, Kani, and Patrick, and although it is only the first show, it looks like it is going to be a pretty bland cast overall. The only bit of tension comes in the form of Derrick, who's 100% Polish manhood is threatened by Danny, who is gay. Apparently he left his progressive European ways back in the homeland.
The cast is not only bland, but kind of stupid. The first mission is a bungee jump, and a couple of the cast members are afraid of heights. Incredibly, these folks have never watched a Road Rules, and therefore missed all of the times people had to skyjump, bungee, etc. and are unprepared for an event involving heights?! Next thing you know, they are going to complain about having to get naked during an episode.
I know what you are saying right now, maybe they would have been fine with a regular bungee jump, but they had to bungee over a LIVE VOLCANO! FROM A HELICOPTER! J-Unit, why are you such a heartless bastard. Now, I would love it if the folks at MTV or Bunim-Murray would give us some information on which volcano they used so I could post about its historic activity, but they haven't. I can probably assure you that the scientific definition of an active volcano is probably a much looser criteria than one would imagine. Most scientists judge an active volcano as one that has erupted in the last 2,000-10,000 years. Our dear travelers were decidedly not in danger, and each cast member was able to dodge the flying magma and survive until the next round, even after the bungee crew warned that they would be jettisoned should anything bad happen to the helicopter.
If you haven't picked up on it yet, I am already a sceptic when it comes to the current season. A drunk Derrick almost made up for this lifeless first episode by prancing around a bonfire and failing to hook up with a female cast mate or two. Derrick is going to be a huge suckfest, and unfortunately his fellow Road Rules find it somehow necessary to make up reason that he has to stay. Again, it seems that this cast has forgotten to watch Road Rules and haven't figured out that there is a pretty good when streak going on when it comes to winning the final prize.
If you think I am bitter now, wait until I take some time to write about the X-Treme Machine.
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