Hey dolls, welcome back to Rock of Love! Flasher's back, so you know it's a good week. Make your hair big and suck it in for some spandex, it's time to rock and roll!
Somewhere, a child's birthday party is missing clowns.
It's the morning after, and Flasher is still in the house. It looks like she's actually bunking with the hos, and I'm really hopeful that they're going to pull a Miss New York and let her stay. She has turned this show back into the skank-fest it was originally intended to be.
And so they're off to Vegas to "find an inner spiritual connection and party our asses off," according to Bret. As they head toward the private jet, Bisexual Destiney's excited to be traveling like a rock star. Bret reminds us of last year's trip to Vegas, and then we see a montage of everyone puking and Psycho Herpes Lacey crawling across a table. Good times, hos!
Farmgirl voices her concern that Bret thinks she's too innocent to handle his lifestyle. I don't know why she's carrying on like this isn't a valid concern - she's barely washed the puke off her hair from last week. Granted, keeping up with Flasher is much harder than keeping up with Bret, but still.
Ah, those were the days.
Now that the show's a hit, Bret rates a better hotel! It's the Hard Rock on the strip. And it's, surprise, surprise, "awesome!" according to Bret. He's been there many times, partied there many times and forgotten what he's done there many times too. That is awesome. Muppet Daisy's ready for Vegas, she wants to dance, party and be sexy.
The hos get into their suite, and are impressed by the bar and table full of presents. Presents? I perk up. Until I realize that they've been gifted a variety of painted plastic cowboy hats. Nothing but the best for Bret's skanks. I sneer, while they rejoice at the fabulous gifts.
And now that we're down to the final four, the hos are getting wary of each other. Muppet is confused, cause Bisexual's her best friend, but also her biggest competition. And sticking with what works, Flasher immediately starts feeding them cocktails. "It's not going to be boring!" she warns them.
Bret tells us it's the "awesome foursome...and Heather". That's right, Flasher's in a class all her own. He sends some golf outfits for Bisexual and Farmgirl, and tells Soccer Mom Ambre and Muppet that they're having dinner with him later that night. Farmgirl's thrilled. She's got a secret weapon - she played varsity golf in high school. Good for you princess, but extracurriculars aren't the way to Bret's heart.
Fluorescent pink, too much eye shadow, and his hair from back in the day should do it, though.
Once Farmgirl and Bisexual are decked out in their golf ensembles, Flasher decides they need to 80's it up a bit. She teases their hair like crazy, and cause they're all trying to impress her, they go along with this crackpot scheme. Flasher cackles at how dumb they are. "80's hair is out. Even I know that...," she scoffs. Um, Flash? "...now" she amends.
When Bret takes a look at his ratty hair hos, he says it brings back memories. To the days when he had hair of his own. They show us Exhibit A: A clip of an old time Poison video.
Flasher reminds us that Bret has invited her to Vegas to finish her mission of getting dirt on the skanks. Muppet tells us that she can't picture Bret and Soccer Mom in a relationship. Agreed. Soccer Mom tells us that Muppet's biggest strength is her sexuality. And the problem with that would be what?
Flash decides to sit down with each of them and figure out what's going on. Muppet immediately tells her that she has no competition, and nobody can beat the chemistry that she has with Bret. This is so the wrong tact to take with Flasher.
And sure enough, Flash slaps her down with the news that none of them are good enough for Bret. Muppet says she thinks Flasher doesn't like her. This is one intuitive ho.
Those lips are injected with Ginko Biloba and Vitamin C. Smart cookie.
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Comments (16)
I think Daisy threw out her uncle Oscar De Hoya's name when the skank's accused her of being a gold-digger and she alluded to him as a money source if she needed it. True enough.
1 of 16 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on April 3, 2008 9:23 AM
Hmmm. Had a relationship with CC, now she's on Rock Of Love? The whole thing smells way too fishy. Bret HAD to know about that before Daisy came on the show.
Speaking of Daisy, was anyone else embarrassed for her with all the shaking and sobbing and undignified look when she got her pass? I feel bad, but "Muppet" was just such a perfect nickname for her at that moment, because that's exactly what she looked like.
And I have to say that Destiney at eliminations looked prettier than she's looked all season, I thought.
2 of 16 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on April 3, 2008 9:30 AM
Yep. I laughed hysterically when I saw that Ambre was going to have to eat her own words about being honest with Brett. I literally laughed for three whole minutes.
Every guy I know that watches this show thinks Ambre's the hottest chick on there. Uh. WHY. And the fact that my boyfriend likes her seriously makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I should start carrying around some Hi-C and a wearing a sun visor.
NOOO I was so convinced that they would bring Heather back. I mean, it's an obvious boost in ratings. Why wouldn't they be all over that? The show sucked up until these past two episodes.
I agree about Destiny looking her best this episode. She must've got her "hurr did" while staying at the Hard Rock. It looks nice wavy:)
I'm gonna miss farmgirl. She really was too good for the rest of them.
3 of 16 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on April 3, 2008 9:56 AM
I always yell at my wife for watching this mindless drivel, then I sit on the sofa and stare entranced at the TV for an hour.
That Farmgirl chick might be bummed now, but she really is too sweet and STD-free for a man-skank like Bret Michaels. She'll thank him one day.
So how much dough do you think he has? Can Bret Michaels really still have a bunch of money?
4 of 16 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on April 3, 2008 10:22 AM
I bet they put ambre's lie right in the previews because next weeks episode is going to be a front row seat to the atom bomb landing on daisy's house of lies. can't. wait.
oh and yeah soccer mom totally has it coming. manipulative I can deal with but judgemental and a holier than thou attitude is a deal breaker for me.
5 of 16 | Posted by chunkymonkey | Posted on April 3, 2008 10:49 AM
Did Muppet admit to having had an abortion, and that Charles is living with her to help her out, making sure she's okay? Or did I dream that.
I laughed at poor, sad Bret Michaels getting rid of Farmgirl. She's a nice, pretty girl who put up with this stupid game, even jumping on board with enthusiasm for his big passions paintball and golf, and he still ax'd her. And he kept Daisy the Muppet-faced girl, talk about a Butterface if I've ever seen one, with all her problems and lies. And she's CC's leftovers. Plus, she's a stripper, which is the biggest (only?) reason he rejected Flasher in the first place. He is such a himbo. Self-destructive much?
6 of 16 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on April 3, 2008 11:10 AM
MAGDA!!!
great recap CB & thanks for the screen shot from There's Something About Mary - love her!
7 of 16 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on April 3, 2008 11:12 AM
memememe - yes, she did admit to the abortion, and that he was staying with her because there was still emotion tied up in that or something.
8 of 16 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on April 3, 2008 12:28 PM
Listen, if Brett wants craziness and drama, then Daisy's the perfect fit. Obviously he likes the muppet look and sees nothing wrong with it. Plus, don't you think that if he doesn't pick Daisy she will kill herself?!!
9 of 16 | Posted by sardini | Posted on April 3, 2008 12:34 PM
i KNEW something wasn't right with ambre. i'm 33 and she looks like one of my mom's friends. if one of my mom's friends had those 13 year-old girl highlights. eeesh.
i think destiny is the perfect fit for bret -- (in this season of this particular vh-1 fake relationship gameshow). but ya wanna know the one thing that's wrong with destiny? next time she's onscreen, close your eyes. you'll figure it out pretty quickly.
muppet is a frigging emotional trainwreck. doesn't bret look down his long lady-nose at those as well as strippers? at least destiny knocking a few bitches out backstage beats your gf swinging from the lighting rig because you harmlessly flirted with a groupie.
10 of 16 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on April 3, 2008 12:51 PM
Daisy is such a train wreck. Baggage and co-dependence. And her weeping during elimination was embarassing. Who wants that? In the words of Heather, however " The plus side is she has a nice rack" (well Heather said that about Megan but still).
And I love how Ambre said "I can't believe I lied to Bret". How do you subtract 6 years from your age, absent mindedly? A year or two, maybe. But six? You know what you're doing. Good to see Soccer Mom is gonna get knocked off her holier than thou pedestal.
11 of 16 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on April 3, 2008 1:03 PM
Now that Farmgirl - the only truly likeable one - is gone, I can really enjoy the remaining train wreck.
I always thought Amburr looked and acted older - now I see why.
If they used Amburr's age in the preview, then I, too, am hoping there will be some much bigger surprise next week.
Great recapness!
12 of 16 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 3, 2008 2:05 PM
memememe - i thought i dreamt that too after there was no mention in the recap! she definitely did reference an abortion though.
I'm sorry I could not stop laughing when Muppet was convulsing during eliminations! She looked so funny...and her little interviews as well. She uses her arms way too much when she speaks.
13 of 16 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on April 3, 2008 2:18 PM
I KNEW IT! When soccermom said 32 to that fake shaman a few weeks back, I basically shit myself HA!!!! 37 - that's more like it.
I just wonder what she told Flasher. In her "download" to Bret, Flasher listed one of Ambre's pros as "she's my age". What exactly is Flasher's age? Just wondering if SOMEBODY knew her real age all along....
Oh...and I couldn't agree more with everyone - Bret just needs to make an honest woman out of Heather and be done with it.
Ya know...bringing Flasher in...it's almost like he is teasing her with this....it borders on the same sad, pit of my stomach feeling I got last year when he picked Jes and you just knew a little piece of Heather broke.
14 of 16 | Posted by Realitee | Posted on April 3, 2008 9:27 PM
I feel sorry that Daisy has had to divulge so much information about her personal life on television, because none of these hos are saints but Daisy has been the only one confessing to so much! The whole context is her ex-boyfriend situation, but come on! I think the reason she's coming across as a bottomless pit of secrets is because she's actually trying to confess to the one thing that will shut everyone up. So she has a lot of things to hide; I can only imagine what's in rage-a-holic Destiny's closet! I feel that when Daisy talked about her abortion, she showed both vulnerability and honesty: for having so many secrets, she did not have to confess to that on t.v. considering the controversial nature of her act. She could have made something up, I'm sure. But, it's almost as if she's there (oh, no!) "for the right reasons"!! And in my opinion, the likely truth behind her "shady" living situation is that she's a sad, lonely person holding on to one of the few people that cared for her. I think that Charles is taking advantage of her emotionally and financially because she feels obligated to him for treating her like a human being when she needed it. I can only imagine how she's treated as a "dancer", despite the supposed very good money she makes. Ugh. Now I depressed myself.
Ambre! That old hag! I'm about to turn 32 in three days (yes, I'm sad,too), and I've never believed that she was that age! I kept asking my boyfriend to confirm that I do not look as old as she does -and yes, he's addicted to the show as well. I love how they show her on the preview saying "I can't believe I lied to Bret!" in the same tone as if she went to the store to buy her Suntan pantyhose, but left with everything but. Anyway, I'm glad she's going down, because I can't stand her. And how ironic that it's all because of LIES, the kind that, in others, offend her so much!
I wish Kristy Joe was still in the mix! I can't imagine how much better these last two episodes with Heather would have been with KJ there! Daisy would not have had to say a damn thing!
15 of 16 | Posted by Boris8 | Posted on April 5, 2008 3:38 AM
Love he Rock of Love recaps but where is the recap of the reunion show chickbomb?
16 of 16 | Posted by bmo1126 | Posted on May 1, 2008 10:59 AM