Hi dolls! Everyone keep rockin' over our break? Well, Rock of Love is back and more infected than ever. Shall we?
I am Cross-Eyed Soccer Mom, and I have come back from the fifties to warn you about herpes.
Hey skanks, nice to see ya! I notice that it's a full moon, and I wonder what that means. Muppet Daisy reminds us that Scary Frenchy and Token Roxy are gone, and someone comments that Bret's awesome, which of course he agrees with. Then he does a really goofy little dance as the group heads, beer in hands, out of the elimination area and back to the party! Bret's wearing an awful lot of makeup tonight. Not cute.
Oh, Bret. You look more and more like this ho every day.
Germy Joe is thinking that she might really have a chance. That perhaps Bret might want to look past the two marriages, one divorce, restraining order and, oh that pesky little detail of her current marriage, and get to know her. Bret makes a toast to the departed hos, and then tells the remaining hos "let's get down to makin' bacon'!" Bret is so silly tonight, but it's working for me. I have a thing for dorky guys. But what the hell does "makin' bacon" mean? Cause it came from Bret, I'm sure it's sex, but it doesn't really make sense to me.
Muppet says that all the girls are being really friendly, but she doesn't want friends, she wants Bret! But our Romeo's ready to call it a night, so he leaves the hos to get drunk by themselves and heads off to bed. On his way out, he kisses every single girl, except Manly Aubrey. This does not go unnoticed by Manly, and she stands there puffing angrily on a cigarette. Meanwhile, Granny Cath 2.0 stands around in her pajamas and furry boots. This is a terrible wardrobe choice, even for pajamas.
Let's just hope grandma's all over the country don't follow suit. There will be lots of frightened grandkids.
As Bret heads back to his room, Muppet decides she wants more time with him. So she asks if she can walk him to his room. Go Muppet! Bang those drums, girl! Bret says yes, and one of the other skanks yells after them, "She better get her butt back here!" but when they reach the door...Muppet heads inside!
Germy Joe is not happy. "No one's had alone time with him in his room yet," she tells us. Not 'til now, hater. It freaked Germy out, she tells us. And over in Bret's room, Muppet tells us they made out a little bit. Yeah, that's all I'm sure. Bret says that he's really attracted to her, and he'd like to get to know her. "I mean really get to know Daisy," he clarifies. Yeah, we got it the first time, man-ho.
So while Muppet and Bret are in his room "makin' bacon", I'm guessing, Germy and her lesbian worshipper, Manly, head out to the hot tub. And Manly is bothered. She is not bothered by him going out with other girls, but she's bothered by his "neglect" of her. Manly will not be ignored! Germy is still bothered by Bret and Muppet getting it on in his room. "This early in the game...," she sneers prissily. Hey, two marriages, divorce and restraining order? Stop acting so fucking pure.
Manly and Germy talk more about what's happening in Bret's room. "It's a total mindfuck," Germy says. How is it a 'mindfuck"? The whole premise of the show is many hos competing for one washed up rocker. I suppose Germy thought Bret would take one look at her, and send the rest of the skanks packing. Then Manly tells Germy, "I'm ready to find love. And I know you want to." You know she wants to, huh...I'm telling you! For Manly, it's Germ of Love!
Every Rose Has it's Vagina
Next morning, Muppet heads up the stairs and Butterface Megan tells us that she's a "dirty ass ho". Takes one dirty ass to know one, honey. Muppet says that she and Bret are learning things about each other, and it's nobody's business besides her and Bret. And the viewing public, of course.
When its time to read the clue, SheMale Inna does the honors, as the other hos shoot daggers at Muppet. Germy calls her a skank. Thanks for the assessment, purple eye shadow and blue polyester halter. The clue has something to do with cars and motorcycles.
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Comments (15)
I was beginning to think something awful had happened to CB...well, I applaud your will to keep hilariously recapping what has been a pretty lame and uneventful season of ROL. Bring on Flasher, quick!
Dare I say these girls are TOO classy this season?
1 of 15 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on February 17, 2008 6:23 PM
Um... I think you got confused at the end there.
The most hilarious part is that after Manly's big "sacrifice"... she was going to be eliminated anyway. Bret was going to keep Germy and eliminate Manly anyway, so he wasn't freaking that he was stuck with a "nutbar."
2 of 15 | Posted by lady_guinevere | Posted on February 17, 2008 7:07 PM
I think it's really interesting that they showed the pass. I always wondered about Bret now showing the pass when Brandi M. decided to leave last year. I think he was going to keep Brandi and let Heather go.
Also, on the extras on VH1.com it shows when Manly finds out that she wasn't going to be picked. It's pretty funny.
3 of 15 | Posted by southerntippi | Posted on February 17, 2008 7:48 PM
damn, this season is boring. Where are all the drunk bitches?
I don't know how you recap this crap. Good job anyway.
Also, did you see the clip of Brett Michaels on the Ellen show? She asked him if he would find love this season, and he responds, "Let's put it this way...if the ratings tank, I'll find love."
haha. truer words were never spoken...
4 of 15 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on February 17, 2008 7:59 PM
Actually, it was Aubrey who told Bret, "I'm not well." It was in his room, after chewing him out for ignoring her. She said it with a straight face, and I remember thinking, "Oh, my God, she's actually telling him flat-out that she'll go psycho on him if he screws her over again."
5 of 15 | Posted by Mandymax | Posted on February 18, 2008 8:09 AM
Aubry definitely cared more about Kristy Joe than Bret. I love when people on these reality shows describe other people as their "best friend in the house". Uhhh, hello. You've been there for a week, you barely know them yet. I do want to know how she reacted though when they told her she was gonna go anyway.
And ChickBomb, your constant use of "ho" to describe the girls NEVER gets old. In fact, it gets funnier every recap to me, for some reason.
6 of 15 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on February 18, 2008 11:35 AM
I'm sure Manly Aubry knew she would likely be getting eliminated and did what she did to go out with her dignity in tact (you have no idea how hard it was to write that with a straight face!). If so, well played, Manly! Even though the rest of the girls and all of America found out that Bret was going to chuck you anyway, you still got to leave with your dude-like head held high. My favorite line from her exit interview was, "If it's meant to be, it'll happen...we live in the same city!" I lived in the same city as John Cusak most of my life, yet never manage to brush shoulders with him. Maybe this is my year!
Keep the recpas coming, CB. We love you!
7 of 15 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on February 19, 2008 9:05 AM
Shaz--One of my friends went to college with a girl who claimed to have met Johnny C and she said he acted like a stuck-up a--hole.
8 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 19, 2008 11:34 AM
I think Aubry really though Kristy Joe was getting the boot. Otherwise you would think she would realize that would make her look even dumber than she already looks. If she had waited to officially get booted by Brett it would've been whatever...but by her "taking one for the team" it just added more drama...I don't think it was well played at all. Even though this has nothing to do with that, the poor girl is so unfortunate looking...especially with that awful 50's haircut like something out of Crybaby. She has multiple snaggleteeth.
9 of 15 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on February 19, 2008 1:02 PM
Shaz--I have heard (from an extremely reliable source) that John Cusack is weird and anti social (comes with the territory of being a known star, I suppose) and that he's really erotically obsessed with armpits!
I am not joking.
10 of 15 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 20, 2008 10:38 AM
p.s. Great recap!
I giggled a lot.
11 of 15 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 20, 2008 10:40 AM
Great recap Chick! The best line from the entire episode? Had to be Manly pontificating "I'm a Karaoke host, I know people!" Ha Ha Ha! If she knows people so well, how come she didn't know Bret was about to dump her converse wearing, germy loving Manly ass?
Butterface bothers me and while i'll admit she is hot and makes cute little cards (with glitter even!), she is otherwise useless. I can't imagine why Farmgirl Jessica and Granny Katherine are still there, they've never had any alone time with our God, Bret. I'm hoping Rode Hard gets at least one date in before her tour ends.
My bet is on Cross Eyed Soccer Mom making it to the final three, but the real money is on Daisy. How can Bret not love her? She's blonde, has big boobs, wears skimpy clothes, has lots of tats, and she aint too bright... what more could an aging rock god want?
'Til next week!
12 of 15 | Posted by ayerishgrl | Posted on February 20, 2008 11:36 AM
Great recap Chick! The best line from the entire episode? Had to be Manly pontificating "I'm a Karaoke host, I know people!" Ha Ha Ha! If she knows people so well, how come she didn't know Bret was about to dump her converse wearing, germy loving Manly ass?
Butterface bothers me and while i'll admit she is hot and makes cute little cards (with glitter even!), she is otherwise useless. I can't imagine why Farmgirl Jessica and Granny Katherine are still there, they've never had any alone time with our God, Bret. I'm hoping Rode Hard gets at least one date in before her tour ends.
My bet is on Cross Eyed Soccer Mom making it to the final three, but the real money is on Daisy. How can Bret not love her? She's blonde, has big boobs, wears skimpy clothes, has lots of tats, and she aint too bright... what more could an aging rock god want?
'Til next week!
13 of 15 | Posted by ayerishgrl | Posted on February 20, 2008 11:38 AM
great recap CB!
Well, the Arquette family will be glad to have Aubrey back!
14 of 15 | Posted by chelle | Posted on February 20, 2008 1:18 PM
maybe you're just jealous because she's hot and you're just an ugly bitch..
15 of 15 | Posted by Jihad_Unit | Posted on May 6, 2008 8:14 PM