All the partying has caught up with our aging rocker, so he goes to bed.  Looking back, this was our first warning sign that Bret is not himself. Badass Brandi is relieved to still be there, so she gets super-duper drunk. She's annoying the hell out of everyone, but you know I like Badass so I find her sloppy rambling endearing.

Badass innocently asks Hooters Erin how she feels, because BB knows Hooters had wanted to go home. See, Badass is a concerned drunk. The camera closes in on Hooters, presumably to look for some kind of pissed off reaction, but it's Hooters so all we get are shiny boobs and a blank stare.

Hooters Emotes

The next morning, Badass wakes up with a nasty hangover. She knows she was wasted, but she hears she had a good time so whatevs, she's fine with it. Psycho Rocker Lacey is getting nervous that she hasn't won any challenges or had any one on one time with Bret, so she tells us for the eighty millionth time how she's going to continue to "pick off these girls one by one". Look Psycho, let's get the record straight here. Dallas is gone because Bret was never going to pick her anyway, and your brand of crazy is more entertaining to watch. The only thing you're picking off is the herpes scab from your lip ring.

This week's challenge is the Bret Bowl. Football, dirty talk, motorbikes, singing - Bret's looking for a real Renaissance Skank here. Good for you, man-weave. By the way, the Bret Bowl takes place in the mud.  Seriously, is Bret ok? Why isn't it muddy lingerie wrestling? I really hope he's not starting to class up on me. 

"Cool" Sam is not happy about the mud and I'm so hearing that.  Naturally, Flasher Heather loves football, so she's excited to kick ass. She's not happy about her team though, the Fallen Angels - Rocker Lacey, Hooters Erin and "Cool" Sam. I miss Grandma Rodeo. You know she would have totally kicked that muddy football's ass.

One S Jes realizes she needs a date to get Bret's attention. Why bother now? You've barely said three words to him the whole time and he keeps you around anyway. The problem so far, she says, is that dirty talk (to Bret) and writing music (for Bret) isn't really her thing. But football and sports are totally a One S kind of thing! If this doesn't work out, I see a Rock of Love with Joan Jett in One S Jes's future.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

One S's team, the Sweethearts, includes Magdalena Legs, Mia and Badass Brandi. Badass isn't feeling so hot, but she figures if she pukes on someone from the other team, it may knock them out of the game. Aim for Lacey.

The winning team gets a group date with Bret, and the MVP for that team gets a solo date. Bret the control freak will be the quarterback for both teams. He's got lots of little braids crawling around the weave today. And he's a very serious coach.  What happened to Nothin' But A Good Time? I'd say he was sucking all the fun out of muddy football, but there wasn't any fun in that in the first place.

Dammit, we are gonna win this, says Hooters Erin with another blank face and monotone. But I get the feeling if she had some cognitive ability, she'd tell us she doesn't like mud either. Magdalena gets the ball first and runs around in circles. Sam attempts a tackle, but just ends up giving her a really big hug. Awwww.  She's cute and she hates mud. I'm changing "Cool" Sam back to Cool Sam, but girlfriend's still on probation.

Psycho Lacey tells us she wants that date, and she doesn't care if she has to break someone's wrist or knock out some teeth to get it. Oh really? Well, hope you're better with a football than you were with a dirtbike, cause you were hot shit with that too til you ate it three seconds into the race. Sure enough, One S charges on her ass and Psycho goes down! She is whimpering about her ankle. I think there's a 50/50 chance she's faking.

Totally real.

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Posted in Rock of Love by ChickBomb at 3:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: Donna Martin Graduates! on Aug 24, 2007 04:50 AM.

Comments (7)

dent :

I can't believe we don't get the recap on Grandma Rodeo leaving! I was so excited for your take on it!!!

I felt like she played up this missing her son stuff to get close to Bret and was devastated when he let her go for it... "I wasn't ready to leeeeeave....."

Anyhow, I find it ironic that Flasher calls someone else a starfucker if she really did the deed with Vanilla Ice!

1 of 7 | Posted by dent | Posted on August 16, 2007 6:09 AM

chicago :

i knew i saw hooters erin working at UG a few weekends ago - you cant mistake those hooters! that night her "bigger and better stars" consisted of r kelly. flasher and scab girl are totally annoying though - i would have preferred hooters over them.

2 of 7 | Posted by chicago | Posted on August 16, 2007 7:56 AM

CheriesTake :

I tried to watch this show but after about 10 minutes I had an incredible urge to shower. Then I turned the channel to BBAD and took one look at Dick, another shower. There's a saying, Old Rocker's Never Die......but for the love of hygiene, please remove yourself from sight when you look like the Crypt Keeper's grandad with tatt's. YUCK!

3 of 7 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on August 16, 2007 9:13 AM

MichyPR :

I wanted Heather to go cause I think she looks like a man. I didn't have anything against Erin and come on, I can't blame her for wanting to be where JT was going to be, he's only about a million times more relevant than Bret and hotter,and younger... I really want Heather and Lacey to get eliminated but I think Bret is keeping Heather around till she tattoos his name on her body. I hope she does and then he boots her ass,that would be so funny. Anyways, great recap as usual :)

4 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on August 16, 2007 9:36 AM

Joe Blow :

Hilarious! I missed these recaps.

But damn, is Lacey a broken record or what? "You don't cross me and get away with it. I'm going to pick these girls off one by one. I need alone time with Bret. I'm going to take these girls out." SHUT UP! We get it!

I want Badass to win. I love her. Also, although I think Jes is beautiful and wouldn't mind if she won, did anyone else notice her DISGUSTING shoulder blades protruding from her skin during elimination? She may not be "Clavical Jes" (just for the record, it's "clavicle", Heather), but something is up with her back. It was apalling.

Hopefully Typekey won't make me post millions of times...

5 of 7 | Posted by Joe Blow | Posted on August 16, 2007 11:37 AM

bdos88 :

Great recap as usual. I must say that I also miss the recap for Grandma Rodeo's departure. I don't actually watch this crap so your recaps are my only source of what happened. It sounds like it would have been a fun episode to snark on.

6 of 7 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on August 17, 2007 10:00 AM

Donna Martin Graduates! :

just for the record, it's "appalling", joeblow

7 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on August 24, 2007 4:50 AM

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