One S tells us that come to think of it, Lacey deserves it after that "circus stunt" when she pushed One S into the pool. "Come to think of it" - please, you've only been plotting that takedown for weeks now. Nobody smooshes Jes's hair and lives to tell the story.
So now Psycho's out of the game, and someone from the Sweethearts has to sit out as well. It's doesn't take too much convincing to get Badass off the field. Excellent strategy, BB. If you're too hung over to win MVP, may as well just relax, let the other bitches get beat up and muddy and win it for you. So my kind of girl.
Meanwhile, back on the field, One S Jes is becoming a savage beast, and apparently this attracts Bret. The skanks compare Flasher to a bulldog and a Mack truck, but Flasher came to play and she carries her whole team. Of course in the process, she manages to lose her pants and finishes out the game in ugly Hanes bikini briefs. With the frequency Flasher whips off her clothes, you'd think she'd plan ahead with cuter panties. But anyway, thank you Flash. We can always count on you to bring the sleaze when Bret and the producers gyp us out of mud wrestling.
This is one dependable ho.
Finally, it comes down to Flasher and One S Jes for the last play. The solo date is on the line, and Jes takes it. Flasher yells at the camera, and I have no idea what she's saying cause every other word is beeped out, but I gather she is unhappy with the outcome of the event. She also shouts "good game!" at the winners, which those aloof bitches totally ignore.
The ho's stumble back to the house, where Badass tells us they're a "bunch of broken bitches". Psycho Lacey with her fake sprained ankle sits out at the pool in full-blown creepy obsessive mode. "I have to win a challenge. I have to" she repeats over and over. Flasher, beat down from burden of carrying the whole team in her ugly underwear, ignores her. Psycho tells us she can be vindictive if she wants to be and decides they should start targeting Erin again. Didn't Flasher already try that? Didn't work. Bret likes her shiny circus boobs.
One S Jes is frazzled before her date. She's always cool and calm, she tells us, but tonight she's a nervous wreck. She cleans up nice though, and looks pretty with her hair flattened. I can also see why she's been wearing that statue of liberty headband all the time, she's got about an inch of brown roots. Why aren't they using the money they're saving on a stylist for hair and makeup?
Hooters Erin calls her boss at somewhere called the Underground to check in and I'm confused. I thought she worked at Hooters? I can't change her name to Underground Erin. It's too late in the game and it doesn't have the same ring to it. Well, it turns out, Justin Timberlake is going to be visiting the Underground the next night and because she's chained up in the house o' ho's, Hooters is going to miss it.
Psycho Lacey overhears Hooters whining about her missed opportunity to blow JT if he gets so completely plastered that the can't see her face, and promptly passes the Intel on to Flasher, who just so happens to be sitting there writing a letter calling out all the other girls in the house. It's a long one too, she's cross-referencing like four pages to add Lacey's late breaking news to the chapter about Hooters.
Fo Ho n Sevin Yeers a Go
Now on one hand, I would hate anyone who wrote me a letter like this. On the other hand, that's kind of all my recaps are. "Dear TVgasm readers: Bret has a weave, the chicks are skanks, everyone's drunk, and every thorn has its rose. Kisses, ChickBomb." Flasher, no one with as much stripper couture as you can possibly be bulletproof enough to write a letter dishing everyone else's dirt. Don't feel bad babe, I'm not either but at least I have the good sense to talk shit anonymously.
Big John escorts One S to her solo date with Bret, and he plays a private concert for her. She is mesmerized because she's never heard him sing before. Seriously, they couldn't find skanks who at least knew who he was? Then they dine, and Bret covers his three favorite topics - Bret, roses and thorns. But, all in all it seems like a good date. Then they kiss, and the Great Wall of One S comes tumbling down. He's a good kisser, Jes tells us giggling. Well done, man-ho. He's back.
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Comments (7)
I can't believe we don't get the recap on Grandma Rodeo leaving! I was so excited for your take on it!!!
I felt like she played up this missing her son stuff to get close to Bret and was devastated when he let her go for it... "I wasn't ready to leeeeeave....."
Anyhow, I find it ironic that Flasher calls someone else a starfucker if she really did the deed with Vanilla Ice!
1 of 7 | Posted by dent
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Posted on August 16, 2007 6:09 AM
i knew i saw hooters erin working at UG a few weekends ago - you cant mistake those hooters! that night her "bigger and better stars" consisted of r kelly. flasher and scab girl are totally annoying though - i would have preferred hooters over them.
2 of 7 | Posted by chicago
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Posted on August 16, 2007 7:56 AM
I tried to watch this show but after about 10 minutes I had an incredible urge to shower. Then I turned the channel to BBAD and took one look at Dick, another shower. There's a saying, Old Rocker's Never Die......but for the love of hygiene, please remove yourself from sight when you look like the Crypt Keeper's grandad with tatt's. YUCK!
3 of 7 | Posted by CheriesTake
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Posted on August 16, 2007 9:13 AM
I wanted Heather to go cause I think she looks like a man. I didn't have anything against Erin and come on, I can't blame her for wanting to be where JT was going to be, he's only about a million times more relevant than Bret and hotter,and younger... I really want Heather and Lacey to get eliminated but I think Bret is keeping Heather around till she tattoos his name on her body. I hope she does and then he boots her ass,that would be so funny. Anyways, great recap as usual :)
4 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on August 16, 2007 9:36 AM
Hilarious! I missed these recaps.
But damn, is Lacey a broken record or what? "You don't cross me and get away with it. I'm going to pick these girls off one by one. I need alone time with Bret. I'm going to take these girls out." SHUT UP! We get it!
I want Badass to win. I love her. Also, although I think Jes is beautiful and wouldn't mind if she won, did anyone else notice her DISGUSTING shoulder blades protruding from her skin during elimination? She may not be "Clavical Jes" (just for the record, it's "clavicle", Heather), but something is up with her back. It was apalling.
Hopefully Typekey won't make me post millions of times...
5 of 7 | Posted by Joe Blow
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Posted on August 16, 2007 11:37 AM
Great recap as usual. I must say that I also miss the recap for Grandma Rodeo's departure. I don't actually watch this crap so your recaps are my only source of what happened. It sounds like it would have been a fun episode to snark on.
6 of 7 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 17, 2007 10:00 AM
just for the record, it's "appalling", joeblow
7 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on August 24, 2007 4:50 AM