But when Bret's bussed in next morning, he gets Flasher's letter, and oooooh, Daddy's mad! He yells for her to come into his room, and at first he acts like he's mad at her, but then tells her he knows she's here for him and she has his back. Flasher is thrilled at this news, but I gotta say, it's looking like Flasher has set up permanent residence in Friendville. I mean, a short drive over to Sometimes When I'm Drunk Town, but at this point she's pretty much just his narc.
Bret still thinks Hooters has a boyfriend, and he's annoyed that she's always bitching about some celeb that she's missed seeing in her restaurant. This is the first of about a thousand uses tonight of the word "starfucker". Bret thinks he is Johnny Bravo to her. It occurs to me that JT is what Bret might have been twenty years ago, if he had only managed to turn Poison into a successful solo career. It's harsh dolls, and I don't think Bret's economy sized ego can handle this. Then Flasher tells us she's golden, and uh-oh, I smell trouble.
Memory! All alone in the moonlight!
For the group date, Magdalina, Badass and Mia get to go shooting. Like everything else, Bret wants the date to rock! I picture him at lunchtime. Let's make this egg salad sandwich rock! They get in the big tacky Hummer, and Bret can not let this Hooters thing go. What is up with him? He's turning into your annoying friend who keeps you on the phone for two hours with the same five-minute problem.
Bret thinks that Hooters is trying to make him a notch on her bedpost. But Bret's the notcher! He makes the notches, he tells us, not Erin. Seriously, Bret's penis has seen things the rest of us can only have nightmares about. He asks the other girls what they think about her. Everyone says the word of the day, "starfucker" at least once.
Meanwhile, over at Striperella's castle, Flasher and Lacey are poolside trying to get the dirt on Hooters. They are openly baiting her with comments about preppy guys, and Hooters walks right into their trap. "That's the kind of guy I normally like" she breezily informs them. Smart choice of company to spill that little fact to, preppyfucker.
Back at the ranch, Magdalena is like a Bond girl as she hits every target. After she's done, she promises Bret that she'll never do that to him. Not the asset I'd mention on a date, but considering the competition, a promise not to shoot him could really give her that extra edge.
Today should not be the day you get rid of this chick.
Over lunch at the lodge, Bret now starts obsessing over Flasher. Ugh, I'm giving up. Call me when he's back to having foursomes with them. He tells the gals about Flasher's nine-million page letter. Now he's not sure he can trust her. Badass says he can't, and calls Flash out for having been on the Surreal Life and "banging" Vanilla Ice. Allegedly, there's videotape, which VH1 most definitely should have edited in.
When they get back to the house, Badass wants to know what's in the letter, so she confronts Flasher. Flasher lies and covers her ass, telling them she was just writing how embarrassed she was to have been naked all the time. What? But Bret already told Badass that Flasher wrote the letter about everyone else, and Badass knows Flasher's lying. So Badass tells Hooters to confront Flasher and she does, and they have a huge fight and then Flasher is like "You're desperate!" and Hooters is like "No, you're desperate!" It's Laguna Beach with an STD! Loves it.
Before elimination, Bret is blowing off steam by playing his guitar in his room. Although it's looking good that Hooters will be the one leaving, Psycho Lacey stops by to talk some more shit on her so she can take Flasher's credit for getting Hooters out. Hooters also heads to Bret's room to bribe him with some last minute oral, but Lacey's already there, so she settles for some lame story about setting the record straight.
Bret's tired of hearing about it. He blows Hooters off and goes back to Lacey. Oh crap, if she's starting to look good to him, the situation may be worse than I thought.
Scabby chicks everywhere are rejoicing.
Bret tells Psycho that he's only popular right now cause they know he's mad. Come on now, cupcake, it's Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. You're popular cause they named the show after you.
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Comments (7)
I can't believe we don't get the recap on Grandma Rodeo leaving! I was so excited for your take on it!!!
I felt like she played up this missing her son stuff to get close to Bret and was devastated when he let her go for it... "I wasn't ready to leeeeeave....."
Anyhow, I find it ironic that Flasher calls someone else a starfucker if she really did the deed with Vanilla Ice!
1 of 7 | Posted by dent
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Posted on August 16, 2007 6:09 AM
i knew i saw hooters erin working at UG a few weekends ago - you cant mistake those hooters! that night her "bigger and better stars" consisted of r kelly. flasher and scab girl are totally annoying though - i would have preferred hooters over them.
2 of 7 | Posted by chicago
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Posted on August 16, 2007 7:56 AM
I tried to watch this show but after about 10 minutes I had an incredible urge to shower. Then I turned the channel to BBAD and took one look at Dick, another shower. There's a saying, Old Rocker's Never Die......but for the love of hygiene, please remove yourself from sight when you look like the Crypt Keeper's grandad with tatt's. YUCK!
3 of 7 | Posted by CheriesTake
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Posted on August 16, 2007 9:13 AM
I wanted Heather to go cause I think she looks like a man. I didn't have anything against Erin and come on, I can't blame her for wanting to be where JT was going to be, he's only about a million times more relevant than Bret and hotter,and younger... I really want Heather and Lacey to get eliminated but I think Bret is keeping Heather around till she tattoos his name on her body. I hope she does and then he boots her ass,that would be so funny. Anyways, great recap as usual :)
4 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on August 16, 2007 9:36 AM
Hilarious! I missed these recaps.
But damn, is Lacey a broken record or what? "You don't cross me and get away with it. I'm going to pick these girls off one by one. I need alone time with Bret. I'm going to take these girls out." SHUT UP! We get it!
I want Badass to win. I love her. Also, although I think Jes is beautiful and wouldn't mind if she won, did anyone else notice her DISGUSTING shoulder blades protruding from her skin during elimination? She may not be "Clavical Jes" (just for the record, it's "clavicle", Heather), but something is up with her back. It was apalling.
Hopefully Typekey won't make me post millions of times...
5 of 7 | Posted by Joe Blow
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Posted on August 16, 2007 11:37 AM
Great recap as usual. I must say that I also miss the recap for Grandma Rodeo's departure. I don't actually watch this crap so your recaps are my only source of what happened. It sounds like it would have been a fun episode to snark on.
6 of 7 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 17, 2007 10:00 AM
just for the record, it's "appalling", joeblow
7 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on August 24, 2007 4:50 AM