But Jes comes through with a response, telling him that it's all in the eyes. Devil Lacey's are "evilish" while Heaven Sam's are dreamy. The only downside is that Bret thinks it's too racy for the Bible belt, and so that album cover wouldn't work there. Oh, that's reaching. You know this album is only going to be available through a special offer on VHl.com.
Bret, cause he's fully committed to trying to make this thing look real, tries to make the decision process out like there actually was one, but the win goes to Jes's team. Lacey and Sam will do a date in the afternoon, and Jes gets something awesome later that day. Lacey thinks it's terribly unfair that Jes gets the solo date, and then flashes her "evilish" eyes at us.
Madame Tussaud's Greatest Hits
Pre-date, Mia's moping around looking sad. She circles Bret like she might finally have something to say to him, but she's too slow for Lacey who swoops in and scurries into Bret's room with him for another fucking issue. She wants him to know that Jes doesn't deserve the solo date. Nobody likes a tattletale but Bret does. He likes how she fights for her man.
Well, once she finds out that Lacey was up there talking to Bret, One S decides she needs to get a word in as well. She wants him to know that Lacey is insane, and truly disrespectful toward him. Bret loves the drama of the ho's fighting over him. As for Lacey, he tells One S there's just something about her.
Later on, Bret and the chicks hop into a Bentley convertible (rented I'm sure) and Sam gets to sit up front. They cruise out to Malibu, and I wish they wouldn't have cause that's where I live and we already had Paris this summer - we don't need it skanked up any more, thank you very much. As they sit down to eat, Bret wastes no time starting the gossip, and wants to know how Jes did as creative director. We know he knows what Lacey thinks already, but that doesn't stop him from trying to entrap Sam. But at that moment she was wearing her Cool Sam hat, and she says Jes did a great job.
Shortly after, Lacey leaves the table to take what Bret calls an "innocent piss." Oh that Bret, he sure can turn a pretty phrase. And now it's Sam's turn to try and take Lacey down. She doesn't think Lacey's genuine, but she does think she's manipulative, Lacey just doesn't show Bret that side. Well, that isn't good, concedes Bret.
He tries to explain to Sam that he's trying to understand Lacey, but Sam forces him to look her in the eyes and asks what he's really doing with Lacey. She doesn't make him look her in the eyes, Issues Sam! She organizes foursomes and gets him ratings. Get on board with this thing already, would you?
Look into my rack and tell me the truth!
Bret's an old pro at applying the revolving door concept to his ho's, so seconds after Lacey and Sam take off, Jes pulls up in a limo. Bret tells us his date with the other two was informative, but he wants his date with One S to be sexy. They get on the yellow taxi cab motorcycle, and ride off like the wind. Bret's man-weave blows in Jes's face and it makes her giddy.
Back at the Skank Tank, Flasher and Badass are pissed about losing the challenge. They blame it all on Mia. At some point, a producer must have shoved a shot glass of Jack with a Polaroid camera attached over to them, cause all of the sudden they decide to take some sexy photos to prove to Bret that they're definitely as slutty as he needs them to be.
They start taking pictures, and Mia wanders over to the session to see if they want help, which they certainly do not. Flasher and Badass get nearly naked and Flasher tells us that racy and sexy sells. When Lacey gets dropped off from her scheduled time with Bret, they proudly show her their work. That's what happens when you leave two strippers alone, says Lacey knowingly. Oh really, and what would have happened if we left you alone? A song about animal rights and lip scabs?
On the current date, Bret and One S hit the beach. He tells her it's his favorite private cove, and she falls for it so hard, she grabs him and kisses him. One S can play it cool all she wants, but girlfriend's been... POISONED!
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Comments (5)
Thank You for The Funny!
I watched only bits and pieces of the show, but read every word of your recap!
Plastic Snakes!!
Love the perspective, I am soooo right there with you.
BadassButch is def tightening up her lesbo creds.
Esp. because he wears makeup,Badass did look ALOT like Bret, bandana and all, just dif colored fake hair! Too funny.
Lacey = Evilish.Hahahahaha
1 of 5 | Posted by sweetleaf
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Posted on September 2, 2007 6:06 PM
Chickbomb! Congrats on the new nephew!! I was wondering where the heck the recap was...I am addicted like Bret is to his hideous coats, roadkill hats, and groupie donated hair weaves!!! Keep up the great work!!!!
2 of 5 | Posted by Lloyd Dobbler
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Posted on September 3, 2007 12:39 AM
Badass is a porn star!
http://www.bourgy.com/brandi-m-facial-01.html
~ DEFINITELY NSFW ~
3 of 5 | Posted by Memememe
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Posted on September 3, 2007 2:02 PM
I cannot believe I've gotten sucked into this show.
I loved the part where Bret told Mia he couldn't talk to her because "I made dinner for everyone, and I'm really running late." Bret COOKS? Was that the best brush-off excuse he could come up with at a moment's notice?
4 of 5 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on September 4, 2007 9:12 AM
As much as I hate her,after this week's episode I gotta admit that Flasher seems to be the most compatible with Bret. Although I would love to see him kick her to the curb after she got the tattoo. Great recap and congrats on the new nephew :)
5 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on September 5, 2007 12:21 AM