Bret says that there's so much he likes about One S. He insists it's not just sexual, but why bother? We all know the score. They kiss, look into each others' eyes and look at dolphins. All they need is a rainbow, and it would have been just the dreamiest date ever. But never mind all that, cause according to Bret "we got to suck face which is a good thing." Such a romantic.
Upon returning home from his solo date with One S, he sees Flasher and Badass's photos pinned to his door, and ooh la la! He thinks they're hot. While Bret's staring at the photos, relieved to have his ho's back, Mia finally makes her lame move for some alone time with him. He coolly tells her that now's not a good time, cause they're getting ready to have dinner.
Mia failed him, and now he's not sure if she wants to talk to him out of love or desperation. "I made an ass of myself and he didn't care", Mia whines. Mia, the time to establish yourself as an ass that will do anything for a moment with him has passed - Flasher Lacey jumped on that bandwagon on Day One, they're not letting anyone else on.
At the big family dinner, Bret expounds on how they're the "awesomest group". Lacey's talking PETA again, but Badass can't stand the animal rights shit so she throws down her napkin and excuses herself. Lacey, I swear, if you broke my Badass....You. Will. Pay.
Bret follows Badass upstairs where she's tearing up on the bed. Badass, what the hell is wrong with you? The only crying Bret likes to hear in bed is his name. Lacey thinks she's just trying to get attention from Bret. Good, better than him paying attention to you, Devil Eye. Badass just cannot deal with Lacey. Bret is finally starting to realize that all the other ho's really hate her. It looks like he's thinking, but it's hard to tell with the all the botox, so he just throws out his old standby, "you know I really like you". Badass seems to buy it, but she refuses to finish dinner with Lacey.
Boys Don't Cry
Back at family dinner, Bret covers for Badass's little breakdown, which was kind of cool and boyfriendy of him. But soon enough Big John breaks up the dinner for elimination time, and All About Mia whines that it's just another door shut in her face. She's extra nervous tonight. Ummmm, welcome to the game, moron.
Bret appears, resplendent in...shiny snakeskin? Sequined cheetah print? I can't tell. It doesn't touch the pony skin or pleather, but man, that guy's got an amazing collection of synthetic fabrics. And hair.
The first pass goes to One S, who he had been almost positive would be going home early, but now he has a feeling that there's something there. Flasher's hair is enormous tonight, and perhaps that's what earns her pass number two.
Sam gets called next for the big CONNECTION, as well as for being a cool rocker chick. Oh, that must have really infuriated "touring musician" Lacey. When he calls Badass, he says she's been going through a hard time lately and she's hanging on by a thread. Slight exaggeration, but as long as she's still in the game I'm not going to bitch about it.
It comes down to Mia and Lacey. Mia tells us she's a real person, and she's here for real reasons. Of course sweetie, no one ever said publicity stills and a resume line weren't real reasons. But it's too little, too late, and even though he admits Lacey's a total nutbar, he's keeping her around.
How many plastic snakes had to die for this outfit?
Bret loftily tells us he despises mediocrity. Dude, you were in Poison. Your songs have three chords, and you rhyme things like "blow me away" and "all night and day". But, his valiant hatred of mediocrity somehow relates to his connection with Psycho Lacey. In his own words, now he needs to figure out if she's crazy for him...or just crazy. Guess what bet my money's on.
He tells Mia that she looked beautiful, but it's a connection factor. Mia bitches about Lacey, and how it's all Lacey's fault. Oh come on, I don't like her any more than you do, but did you really think he would choose your dull ass by default? Sorry babe, but we came to be entertained, Psycho came to play and there's just not enough screen time to go around. Buh-bye.
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Comments (5)
Thank You for The Funny!
I watched only bits and pieces of the show, but read every word of your recap!
Plastic Snakes!!
Love the perspective, I am soooo right there with you.
BadassButch is def tightening up her lesbo creds.
Esp. because he wears makeup,Badass did look ALOT like Bret, bandana and all, just dif colored fake hair! Too funny.
Lacey = Evilish.Hahahahaha
1 of 5 | Posted by sweetleaf
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Posted on September 2, 2007 6:06 PM
Chickbomb! Congrats on the new nephew!! I was wondering where the heck the recap was...I am addicted like Bret is to his hideous coats, roadkill hats, and groupie donated hair weaves!!! Keep up the great work!!!!
2 of 5 | Posted by Lloyd Dobbler
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Posted on September 3, 2007 12:39 AM
Badass is a porn star!
http://www.bourgy.com/brandi-m-facial-01.html
~ DEFINITELY NSFW ~
3 of 5 | Posted by Memememe
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Posted on September 3, 2007 2:02 PM
I cannot believe I've gotten sucked into this show.
I loved the part where Bret told Mia he couldn't talk to her because "I made dinner for everyone, and I'm really running late." Bret COOKS? Was that the best brush-off excuse he could come up with at a moment's notice?
4 of 5 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on September 4, 2007 9:12 AM
As much as I hate her,after this week's episode I gotta admit that Flasher seems to be the most compatible with Bret. Although I would love to see him kick her to the curb after she got the tattoo. Great recap and congrats on the new nephew :)
5 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on September 5, 2007 12:21 AM