And now it's Evilish Lacey's turn. And the Old Hos do not buy her act for a minute! Not even a second! Of course she trots out the "I'm a touring musician" crap, so they ask her to sing a Poison song. She sings The Song (another royalty and another custom made plastic cowboy hat - thanks, Devil Eyes) and she pretty much sucks. But it's all good, cause she's great at keeping her composure and not cracking under pressure, or so she tells us.
It doesn't take Lacey long to figure out that the other sluts have used part of their interrogation time to talk shit on her, and she's mad. Hello, she only spends every spare minute gossiping in Bret's ear about all the other chicks and making no apologies for it! She knows they hate her, and she thinks is because she's aggressive and she fights for him. Yeah, but also cause you're an asshole, sweetie. Don't forget about that part.
Having paid attention to slags one through four (and also cause Bret the control freak probably briefed them), the Old Ho's zero right in Lacey's mental state. She tells them she's stable, but she does see a therapist and is on medication. To clarify, she then tells the camera that this makes her the "opposite of crazy". Uh huh.
If the opposite of crazy is CRAZY.
Now that the skank inquisition is over, I'm giving my girls props cause no one told the Old Hos to fuck off. I know, I say wretched things about them, but the minute some other bitch comes along and does it, I get all mother hen about it. Call me Pimp Momma ChickBomb.
Lacey continues to irritate the hell out of everyone with her delusional monologue about how great she did, and now she says it's time to kiss up. When the Old Ho's grab some grub from the catering table and bitchily ask if they're going to have to eat with their hands, Lacey fetches them silverware in record time. Old Ho Amy gushes "thank you sooooooo much, that's fantaaasaaaaastic". Like receiving some hand delivered flatware makes you so fucking grateful. Who's the phony now, babe?
The other honeys latch on to Lacey's strategy right quick, and now they're sucking up to the Old Hos too. But not Sam. Sam and her Issues are too good to suck up to the old ho's, so she heads upstairs. Sidebar - I was cruising the ROL website the other day (cause I'm either that dedicated to my chicklets, or cause I'm a total fucking loser) and you know where Princess Sam hails from? Scarsdale, New York. Scarsdale is a lush, moneyed enclave where the Bill Clintons live in private life. My bikini waxer had a Scarsdale shop, and they charged 25% more to wax your situation in Scarsdale than they did on Madison Ave. in New York City! No wonder she thinks she's too good for this.
But back to the Ho Show. Somewhere in between hating them and kissing their asses, our dolls have decided that the Old Ho's are actually kind of cool. Bret, hearing nothin' but a good time out in the living room, whips off his pleather pants and comes out for the free for all. Keeps the bandana on though. Please please please show us what's under there!
Ahh, he doesn't really get naked, he just wants to see how the interrogation went. He's happy that all his ho's are down with the group thing, so he proposes a toast. Old Ho Amy toasts with an entire bottle of vodka. I sense nothing Freudian here.
After the toast, Bret notices that Princes Sam is missing. He is informed that the Old Ho's "broke Sam". Now Bret's been a pretty good sport about playing along with Sam's drama, dutifully chasing her down when she starts with her high maintenance performance, but I think that game is officially played out.
Since Bret's not chasing after Sam and her Issues, Jes does it for him. Sam's carrying on about how she doesn't like being interrogated, it's not for her, and it's not worth it to be ridiculed. So basically, same shit, but no Bret standing by pretending he gives a shit while he stares at her boobs.
Aw, sweetie! I'll stare at your boobs!
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Comments (14)
Best line ever? " He's over Sam and her suitcase full of buzz kill." My coffee has now made a burning trail back up my esophogus thanks to that comment, but it was totally worth it.
Of course he's not getting rid of Lacey. As you said, she provides the best nutter material, and VH1 is all about the ratings, so why give up such a golden nugget of trainwreck? Sam seems like the kind who does this stuff just to piss her rich parents off. She kinda looks like Kimberly Stewart, so she may as well head back to NY and hang with that crowd, now that she has a microgram of fame.
Love your recaps, Pimp Momma ChickBomb. Always look forward to them. I too think One S could win this hands down. But I have a feeling Flasher will be one of the last 2 slags standing.
BTW, love that you use the term "slag". It's one omy my faves.
1 of 14 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on September 7, 2007 5:41 AM
I am not sure why, but I MUST see the Brandi pics. Where can I see them? And WHAT is wrong with me for WANTING to see them?
2 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 5:54 AM
I am not sure why, but I MUST see the Brandi pics. Where can I see them? And WHAT is wrong with me for WANTING to see them?
3 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 5:58 AM
Hey! I just wanted to give a big, ole ROCKIN' shout out to you, Chick Bomb, for the snarkalicious recaps. I gave up TV for a while so I rely on your insight into all the drama I am missing. I want you to know that although I haven't commented, I have been faithfully reading each installment.
ChickBomb - Will you stay and rock my world? ;-)
4 of 14 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on September 7, 2007 6:22 AM
OK. Nevermind. I take it back. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't. :)
P/S I love your recaps ChickBomb: my favorite line of the week was: She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
That and the part about if she gets lost in at an ate up rock star convention, they'll know who she belongs to.
5 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 6:26 AM
OK. Nevermind. I take it back. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't. :)
P/S I love your recaps ChickBomb: my favorite line of the week was: She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
That and the part about if she gets lost in at an ate up rock star convention, they'll know who she belongs to.
6 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 6:29 AM
Did anyone but me think that Bret's SuperFans were just girls who weren't picked to be on the acutal show? I call casting fraud!!!
7 of 14 | Posted by gunnit
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Posted on September 7, 2007 8:41 AM
Do these girls forget they're all competing for the same man?? Why do they keep trying to talk each other into STAYING??? Only one of them is going to win - why not help the competition PACK???
Gee, wonder what Heather and Bret did in the limo after Bret's whole strategically-placed I have great sex after getting tattooed" speech.
Criminy, I still can't believe I actually care about this show.
8 of 14 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on September 7, 2007 8:49 AM
Great recap as usual :), I too was tired of Sam's "suitcase full of buzzkill" and am glad to see her go. I hope that Jes wins it. Also, I kinda liked Flasher's outfit with the pink and white camouflage pants, if I had that stomach I would probably wear clothes like that to show it off although she doesn't have any curves. Looking forward to next week's show and Badass' projectile vomiting lol.
9 of 14 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on September 7, 2007 10:06 AM
So Rock of Love is the rock & roll version of Flavor of Love.
And Lacey is New York.
Also if Heather isn't picked, she's gonna feel really, really stupid about getting that tatt.
10 of 14 | Posted by hollabackboy
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Posted on September 7, 2007 12:23 PM
this recap made me chortle on multiple occasions. bravo to another notch on your bedpost.
-the one superfan had been in the game for FOUR YEARS???? i was a tried and true poison fan in eighth grade when they hit their stride. this was in 1987-88 people. back when we didn’t know any better. i have kids and a 401k for fuck's sake.
-"wax your situation." love it.
-your "Why does everyone keep kicking me?" hand grenade caption was ART.
-sarahb's "Where can I see the Brandi pics?"
-sarahb's "Ok. Nevermind. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't."
after this episode it cinches my love for one s. she's always right on with her comments and i get the feeling she's a bit more in on the joke than the others. i said a bit. but that begs the question, if i'm really on her side...does that mean i want her to win...or to lose?
11 of 14 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on September 8, 2007 1:55 AM
My boss was looking over my shoulder as I read last week's recap and asked me what I was looking at (it just happened to be the close up of Badass dressed as a man)... so I had to explain myself... it was so embarrassing until all my co workers chimed in about how much they love this show. I directed them to this site so hopefully we have some new TVgasm/ChickBomb recap readers soon.
12 of 14 | Posted by McCreamy
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Posted on September 8, 2007 8:41 AM
What a bunch of funking bithces on this show. Do you know if they were pick up off the street. And where did did Michaels come from. He had no talent then, and it's obvious he doesn't have any now "Would you like to stay and rock my world?" This is trailer park crap and that's where ever single on of these girls will be in 5 years. I hope everyone that has ever know each of these girls is laughing their ass off on what an embarasement they have become. I will personally pay for an add in each local newspaper (so please e-mail me the names of each paper to dir65@aol.com, and I will write an article that every town will never forget.. and I guarantee each girl will never be able to look at their friends or family in the fact again). Seriously, send me the names of the papers and I will have something in by Oct 15h. These are just 80's whores, nothing more nothing less. John
13 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 11, 2007 1:47 AM
What a bunch of funking bithces on this show. Do you know if they were pick up off the street. And where did did Michaels come from. He had no talent then, and it's obvious he doesn't have any now "Would you like to stay and rock my world?" This is trailer park crap and that's where ever single on of these girls will be in 5 years. I hope everyone that has ever know each of these girls is laughing their ass off on what an embarasement they have become. I will personally pay for an add in each local newspaper (so please e-mail me the names of each paper to dir65@aol.com, and I will write an article that every town will never forget.. and I guarantee each girl will never be able to look at their friends or family in the fact again). Seriously, send me the names of the papers and I will have something in by Oct 15h. These are just 80's whores, nothing more nothing less. John
14 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 11, 2007 1:50 AM