Downstairs, Bret grabs the Old Ho's to help him choose who gets the solo date. They think Badass is cute, but that she just said what they wanted to hear. They thought One S could jump on a tour bus tomorrow. Is that good? I thought he was auditioning for a home ho, and he picks up his away hos from whatever state fair he's playing that night.
HOHIC (Head Old Ho In Charge) Amy says she would be Sam's best friend, but that she doesn't have what it takes mentally to date Bret. That's right Sam, you don't have the mental fortitude to be in a harem. You're such a huge disappointment.
Lacey is a definite NO. But they think Flasher is the greatest person there. OH! I forgot to fill you in on Flasher's ensemble for the day - she's wearing pink and white printed Joey Buttafuoco pants. Need I say more? There's one thing Bret and Flasher REALLY have in common, and that's a devoted commitment to the cheesiest wardrobe possible. It's a match made in fashion don't heaven.
Two Skeeze in a Pod
It's all hos on deck for the awarding of the solo date, but Sam's still missing. Bret says they're just going to let her "chill a minute". In other words, he's over Sam and her suitcase full of buzz kill. Flasher is awarded the solo date, and is so thrilled to finally have some time alone with Bret that she cartwheels up to him in her crazy pants. Bret's amped too, he knows the perfect place to take her. Where's that, Gold's Gym in 1992?
The Old Ho New Ho Convention is going well. They have a laugh over Badass and her burning hair. Jes does not abandon her mission of trashing Lacey. She tells one of the Old Ho's how Bret doesn't see the bad side of Lacey. But Bret's no dummy. I think he sees it all, but he made his bed without Clown Whore weeks ago, and now he needs Lacey and her psychodrama for ratings value. He needs to keep the door open for Rock of Love 2.
NOBODY likes Lacey. HOHIC Amy sees no emotion from her. Sidekick Old Hos Alison and Ky just find her totally annoying. They leave the room when Lacey walks in. Lacey is frustrated because she feels she is losing control of the game, and that the other girls have gotten to the Old Hos. Well, they did, but it's not like they had to do a whole lot of work to convince them to hate your ass. You did a perfectly splendid job of that by just being yourself. Keep it up!
All the ho's are bored, and the production interns are taking an awfully long time on their liquor store run, so they all go upstairs to visit Princess Sam in her tower and beg her to stay. The Old Hos tell her they're sorry for being mean, and that they love her. Why go the extra love mile? Bret usually just tells her he really, really likes her and calls it a day.
After the Hallmark moment with Sam, the Old Ho's get back down to business. They have narrowed the pool down to two skanks that they think are bad news for Bret and it's Lacey and Badass. You can take Lacey with you when you go, ho's but give Badass a chance.
Somewhere in Hollywood, Flasher and Bret walk into a tattoo shop for their date. He's calling her on her plan to get his name tattooed on her neck. That's right, Flasher's big surprise date is a trip to the tattoo shop so Bret can brand her. That way, when she gets lost at the Monsters of Metal Festival, they'll know which ate up rocker she belongs to.
Kick Me
Flash tells us in her interview that she was freaking out, but in the shop, she held it together admirably. Bret says if she goes through with it, it will impress the hell out of him. Then he starts carrying on about what an erotic experience getting tattooed is, and that seals the deal for Flash. She puts her head down, and Bret immediately starts dictating to the tattoo artist how he wants this tattoo to be kinda hidden so post-taping, he will never have to acknowledge it. He tells her to go to her happy place. No need - she's getting Bret's name tattooed on her while he supervises. She's already there.
« Recap: Mission: Man Band: Poor Baby Cronin | Main | Recap: Big Brother: Plucked »
Comments (14)
Best line ever? " He's over Sam and her suitcase full of buzz kill." My coffee has now made a burning trail back up my esophogus thanks to that comment, but it was totally worth it.
Of course he's not getting rid of Lacey. As you said, she provides the best nutter material, and VH1 is all about the ratings, so why give up such a golden nugget of trainwreck? Sam seems like the kind who does this stuff just to piss her rich parents off. She kinda looks like Kimberly Stewart, so she may as well head back to NY and hang with that crowd, now that she has a microgram of fame.
Love your recaps, Pimp Momma ChickBomb. Always look forward to them. I too think One S could win this hands down. But I have a feeling Flasher will be one of the last 2 slags standing.
BTW, love that you use the term "slag". It's one omy my faves.
1 of 14 | Posted by Shaz
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 5:41 AM
I am not sure why, but I MUST see the Brandi pics. Where can I see them? And WHAT is wrong with me for WANTING to see them?
2 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 5:54 AM
I am not sure why, but I MUST see the Brandi pics. Where can I see them? And WHAT is wrong with me for WANTING to see them?
3 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 5:58 AM
Hey! I just wanted to give a big, ole ROCKIN' shout out to you, Chick Bomb, for the snarkalicious recaps. I gave up TV for a while so I rely on your insight into all the drama I am missing. I want you to know that although I haven't commented, I have been faithfully reading each installment.
ChickBomb - Will you stay and rock my world? ;-)
4 of 14 | Posted by subgenre
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 6:22 AM
OK. Nevermind. I take it back. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't. :)
P/S I love your recaps ChickBomb: my favorite line of the week was: She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
That and the part about if she gets lost in at an ate up rock star convention, they'll know who she belongs to.
5 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 6:26 AM
OK. Nevermind. I take it back. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't. :)
P/S I love your recaps ChickBomb: my favorite line of the week was: She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
That and the part about if she gets lost in at an ate up rock star convention, they'll know who she belongs to.
6 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 6:29 AM
Did anyone but me think that Bret's SuperFans were just girls who weren't picked to be on the acutal show? I call casting fraud!!!
7 of 14 | Posted by gunnit
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 8:41 AM
Do these girls forget they're all competing for the same man?? Why do they keep trying to talk each other into STAYING??? Only one of them is going to win - why not help the competition PACK???
Gee, wonder what Heather and Bret did in the limo after Bret's whole strategically-placed I have great sex after getting tattooed" speech.
Criminy, I still can't believe I actually care about this show.
8 of 14 | Posted by mandymax
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 8:49 AM
Great recap as usual :), I too was tired of Sam's "suitcase full of buzzkill" and am glad to see her go. I hope that Jes wins it. Also, I kinda liked Flasher's outfit with the pink and white camouflage pants, if I had that stomach I would probably wear clothes like that to show it off although she doesn't have any curves. Looking forward to next week's show and Badass' projectile vomiting lol.
9 of 14 | Posted by MichyPR
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 10:06 AM
So Rock of Love is the rock & roll version of Flavor of Love.
And Lacey is New York.
Also if Heather isn't picked, she's gonna feel really, really stupid about getting that tatt.
10 of 14 | Posted by hollabackboy
|
Posted on September 7, 2007 12:23 PM
this recap made me chortle on multiple occasions. bravo to another notch on your bedpost.
-the one superfan had been in the game for FOUR YEARS???? i was a tried and true poison fan in eighth grade when they hit their stride. this was in 1987-88 people. back when we didn’t know any better. i have kids and a 401k for fuck's sake.
-"wax your situation." love it.
-your "Why does everyone keep kicking me?" hand grenade caption was ART.
-sarahb's "Where can I see the Brandi pics?"
-sarahb's "Ok. Nevermind. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't."
after this episode it cinches my love for one s. she's always right on with her comments and i get the feeling she's a bit more in on the joke than the others. i said a bit. but that begs the question, if i'm really on her side...does that mean i want her to win...or to lose?
11 of 14 | Posted by k37744
|
Posted on September 8, 2007 1:55 AM
My boss was looking over my shoulder as I read last week's recap and asked me what I was looking at (it just happened to be the close up of Badass dressed as a man)... so I had to explain myself... it was so embarrassing until all my co workers chimed in about how much they love this show. I directed them to this site so hopefully we have some new TVgasm/ChickBomb recap readers soon.
12 of 14 | Posted by McCreamy
|
Posted on September 8, 2007 8:41 AM
What a bunch of funking bithces on this show. Do you know if they were pick up off the street. And where did did Michaels come from. He had no talent then, and it's obvious he doesn't have any now "Would you like to stay and rock my world?" This is trailer park crap and that's where ever single on of these girls will be in 5 years. I hope everyone that has ever know each of these girls is laughing their ass off on what an embarasement they have become. I will personally pay for an add in each local newspaper (so please e-mail me the names of each paper to dir65@aol.com, and I will write an article that every town will never forget.. and I guarantee each girl will never be able to look at their friends or family in the fact again). Seriously, send me the names of the papers and I will have something in by Oct 15h. These are just 80's whores, nothing more nothing less. John
13 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 11, 2007 1:47 AM
What a bunch of funking bithces on this show. Do you know if they were pick up off the street. And where did did Michaels come from. He had no talent then, and it's obvious he doesn't have any now "Would you like to stay and rock my world?" This is trailer park crap and that's where ever single on of these girls will be in 5 years. I hope everyone that has ever know each of these girls is laughing their ass off on what an embarasement they have become. I will personally pay for an add in each local newspaper (so please e-mail me the names of each paper to dir65@aol.com, and I will write an article that every town will never forget.. and I guarantee each girl will never be able to look at their friends or family in the fact again). Seriously, send me the names of the papers and I will have something in by Oct 15h. These are just 80's whores, nothing more nothing less. John
14 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 11, 2007 1:50 AM