And Bret's in his happy place too. He's thinks they're having a very close moment, and he's in some kind of tattoo trance that's getting him aroused. He informs Flasher that he's had some of the best sex ever after getting tattooed. Hmm, wonder what they'll be doing on the Hummer ride home? He loves the final tat, and truly, this is Flasher's finest hour. None of those other bitches would have done that, she proudly informs us. This will show 100% commitment. To Bret or reality whoredom?
Back at the Tramp Ranch, the Old Hos are ready for their sit-down with Badass and Lacey. Deep down, my heart is involved, says Badass. Well, I'm convinced. You can stay. Lacey has a tougher time. First she tells them that despite her tough exterior, she really cares about Bret. The Old Hos don't buy it. Then she tells them she has depth, and if they spent time with her, they'd see her warmth and compassion. Strike two, Crazy Eyes, the Old Hos point out that the other skanks do get to hang out with her, and all they see is what a big jerk she is.
Tell me something heartfelt, pleads HOHIC Amy. I'm fighting for my life, says Lacey. Oh please, it's not cancer, it's just a better than average chance that some washed up hair bander kicks you out and your fifteen minutes are done. Don't be so dramatic. But she's not finished. She turns on the tears and whines that the whole situation is so taxing because it's not easy keeping her walls up all the time, but that's the tool that helped her survive her life experiences. It's a bad performance - faker than Bret's hair.
Bret and Flasher return from their super romantic date, and Bret takes the Old Ho's to his room for a quick foursome, and a fake deliberation about who goes home. Badass is a little upset. What, cause I didn't cry I lose out, she wonders. Keep it real, Badass.
All Flasher wants to do is show off her well thought out tattoo, she tells us, and everyone's crying her a river. When they finally do dry up, nobody's too impressed with the tat. They mostly think it was stupid, but kind of try to be nice about it.
Please never change.
Bret and the Old Hos hastily get their clothes back on in time for the camera to get some deliberation footage. Bret says Sam and Badass are on the fence. Sam cause Scarsdale princesses with issues don't make good rock star girlfriends no matter how many tattoos they have, and Badass, cause let's face it, he still kind of thinks she's lez.
The Old Hos tell him that they don't like Lacey and he needs to get rid of her. Bret's not surprised, everyone else hates Lacey, why not the Old Hos too? He gives them each a big kiss goodbye, and tells them to wait for him outside on the bus for a quickie before he sends them back to their small towns where their one night stands with him have made them very, very famous.
Then it's elimination time, and we find out what everyone's thinking. Jes is confident. Sam says she had an episode, she doesn't want to be in the house, but she does want Bret. Lacey thinks she might be going home. Who's the target now, Devil Eyes?
So, the weather people are saying we're having a record-breaking heat wave here in LA, but I don't believe it. I'm convinced hell has frozen over, cause Bret is wearing an outfit that I like! I don't just not hate it, I actually like it! Jeans, shiny shirt, but covered up with a plain black blazer. Hallelujah and thank you! Finally, an ensemble I can get on board with!
Flasher made a commitment, and the Old Ho's loved her so she gets first pass. She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
Why does everyone keep kicking me?
Jes gets the next pass. Ky said she was a good kisser, and they joke about how Jes's Mom will be thrilled to hear it. Yes, that will be the one issue Mom will have when she watches this mess. But Jes is happy. The more she falls for him, the happier she is that she's there. I think of them on their dates, and you know what? Jes might take this thing.
The Old Ho's didn't like Badass at first, but after they got to know her, they changed their mind. Crisis averted. Badass is safe.
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Comments (14)
Best line ever? " He's over Sam and her suitcase full of buzz kill." My coffee has now made a burning trail back up my esophogus thanks to that comment, but it was totally worth it.
Of course he's not getting rid of Lacey. As you said, she provides the best nutter material, and VH1 is all about the ratings, so why give up such a golden nugget of trainwreck? Sam seems like the kind who does this stuff just to piss her rich parents off. She kinda looks like Kimberly Stewart, so she may as well head back to NY and hang with that crowd, now that she has a microgram of fame.
Love your recaps, Pimp Momma ChickBomb. Always look forward to them. I too think One S could win this hands down. But I have a feeling Flasher will be one of the last 2 slags standing.
BTW, love that you use the term "slag". It's one omy my faves.
1 of 14 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on September 7, 2007 5:41 AM
I am not sure why, but I MUST see the Brandi pics. Where can I see them? And WHAT is wrong with me for WANTING to see them?
2 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 5:54 AM
I am not sure why, but I MUST see the Brandi pics. Where can I see them? And WHAT is wrong with me for WANTING to see them?
3 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 5:58 AM
Hey! I just wanted to give a big, ole ROCKIN' shout out to you, Chick Bomb, for the snarkalicious recaps. I gave up TV for a while so I rely on your insight into all the drama I am missing. I want you to know that although I haven't commented, I have been faithfully reading each installment.
ChickBomb - Will you stay and rock my world? ;-)
4 of 14 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on September 7, 2007 6:22 AM
OK. Nevermind. I take it back. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't. :)
P/S I love your recaps ChickBomb: my favorite line of the week was: She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
That and the part about if she gets lost in at an ate up rock star convention, they'll know who she belongs to.
5 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 6:26 AM
OK. Nevermind. I take it back. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't. :)
P/S I love your recaps ChickBomb: my favorite line of the week was: She accepts in a divine blue stripper costume, with her hair pinned up and neck exposed to show off Bret's proof of ownership.
That and the part about if she gets lost in at an ate up rock star convention, they'll know who she belongs to.
6 of 14 | Posted by sarahb
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Posted on September 7, 2007 6:29 AM
Did anyone but me think that Bret's SuperFans were just girls who weren't picked to be on the acutal show? I call casting fraud!!!
7 of 14 | Posted by gunnit
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Posted on September 7, 2007 8:41 AM
Do these girls forget they're all competing for the same man?? Why do they keep trying to talk each other into STAYING??? Only one of them is going to win - why not help the competition PACK???
Gee, wonder what Heather and Bret did in the limo after Bret's whole strategically-placed I have great sex after getting tattooed" speech.
Criminy, I still can't believe I actually care about this show.
8 of 14 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on September 7, 2007 8:49 AM
Great recap as usual :), I too was tired of Sam's "suitcase full of buzzkill" and am glad to see her go. I hope that Jes wins it. Also, I kinda liked Flasher's outfit with the pink and white camouflage pants, if I had that stomach I would probably wear clothes like that to show it off although she doesn't have any curves. Looking forward to next week's show and Badass' projectile vomiting lol.
9 of 14 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on September 7, 2007 10:06 AM
So Rock of Love is the rock & roll version of Flavor of Love.
And Lacey is New York.
Also if Heather isn't picked, she's gonna feel really, really stupid about getting that tatt.
10 of 14 | Posted by hollabackboy
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Posted on September 7, 2007 12:23 PM
this recap made me chortle on multiple occasions. bravo to another notch on your bedpost.
-the one superfan had been in the game for FOUR YEARS???? i was a tried and true poison fan in eighth grade when they hit their stride. this was in 1987-88 people. back when we didn’t know any better. i have kids and a 401k for fuck's sake.
-"wax your situation." love it.
-your "Why does everyone keep kicking me?" hand grenade caption was ART.
-sarahb's "Where can I see the Brandi pics?"
-sarahb's "Ok. Nevermind. I found the pics. I wish I hadn't."
after this episode it cinches my love for one s. she's always right on with her comments and i get the feeling she's a bit more in on the joke than the others. i said a bit. but that begs the question, if i'm really on her side...does that mean i want her to win...or to lose?
11 of 14 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on September 8, 2007 1:55 AM
My boss was looking over my shoulder as I read last week's recap and asked me what I was looking at (it just happened to be the close up of Badass dressed as a man)... so I had to explain myself... it was so embarrassing until all my co workers chimed in about how much they love this show. I directed them to this site so hopefully we have some new TVgasm/ChickBomb recap readers soon.
12 of 14 | Posted by McCreamy
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Posted on September 8, 2007 8:41 AM
What a bunch of funking bithces on this show. Do you know if they were pick up off the street. And where did did Michaels come from. He had no talent then, and it's obvious he doesn't have any now "Would you like to stay and rock my world?" This is trailer park crap and that's where ever single on of these girls will be in 5 years. I hope everyone that has ever know each of these girls is laughing their ass off on what an embarasement they have become. I will personally pay for an add in each local newspaper (so please e-mail me the names of each paper to dir65@aol.com, and I will write an article that every town will never forget.. and I guarantee each girl will never be able to look at their friends or family in the fact again). Seriously, send me the names of the papers and I will have something in by Oct 15h. These are just 80's whores, nothing more nothing less. John
13 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 11, 2007 1:47 AM
What a bunch of funking bithces on this show. Do you know if they were pick up off the street. And where did did Michaels come from. He had no talent then, and it's obvious he doesn't have any now "Would you like to stay and rock my world?" This is trailer park crap and that's where ever single on of these girls will be in 5 years. I hope everyone that has ever know each of these girls is laughing their ass off on what an embarasement they have become. I will personally pay for an add in each local newspaper (so please e-mail me the names of each paper to dir65@aol.com, and I will write an article that every town will never forget.. and I guarantee each girl will never be able to look at their friends or family in the fact again). Seriously, send me the names of the papers and I will have something in by Oct 15h. These are just 80's whores, nothing more nothing less. John
14 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 11, 2007 1:50 AM