Hey dolls, welcome back to another week of Rock of Love! We're down to the final four skanks, can you believe it? Seems like just yesterday when we were watching Grandma Rodeo (sob) rubbing herself while she performed on the pole with Annoying Brandi C. So let's step into our six inch high stripper heels and see what skankalicious adventures Bret and the hos are embarking on this week, shall we
Don't Forget the Lyrics, Ho! Thursdays on Fox!
Morning, bitches! Flasher is admiring her new branding, and tells us she's rocking her man on her neck. I'm trying to come up with alternate word designs she can turn "Bret" into once filming ends. I can't think of even one. Psycho Rocker Lacey tells us it's two against two - her and Flasher vs. One S Jes and Badass. And guess what? Psycho's got a new target to pick off. This time it's Badass, reasons being she burps, farts and is immature.
Big John arrives to tell the babes that Bret's got something really special planned - he's got a gig in Vegas and they're all invited! Every single one of them says "Vegas, baby!" cause they're all really original. If I hear one "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" I'm turning the TV off.
Do me a favor. Stay in Vegas.
They ride to Vegas in what they call a "gigantic, beautiful tour bus" and what I call "not rich or famous enough to rate a private jet". But it doesn't take much to impress these chicks, so they're high-fiving all over the place.
Bret says he's playing a fan appreciation show, and he wants to see how the honeys handle the rock star experience. They've only seen Bret the regular guy, and now he wants to show them Bret the rock star. Finally! Who gives a crap about Bret the regular guy? Bring on the debauchery that made you famous in the first place.
They pull up to the Red Rock Hotel, and man, that place owes a huge debt of gratitude to reality TV cause the only other time I've ever heard of it was on Hell's Kitchen. The hostess meets them and tells Bret and his ho's how happy the Red Rock is to have them there. Low-level Vegas hotel properties aren't at all choosy. The hos are really impressed with their suite, cause it's nicer than the airport Holiday Inn.
Bret takes off to do a sound check, which Badass finds sexy. BJ, who really puts himself to use in this episode, details the plan for the night. They're going to watch the show like good little groupies, and then there's dinner and cocktails in Bret's suite. Whoever seems like the surest thing gets to stay on with Bret after dinner.
Badass is amped about the night, she sits in the bathtub chattering to One S about how she loves concerts and loves to party. Badass tries to make a plan. She figures as long as Flasher gets drunk enough that she can't walk, it will all work out and she'll be one step closer to never having to go back to the life of internet porn and stringy hair.
Girl, I'm never going back there!
Of course Flasher and Lacey are busy coming up with a plan of their own. I'm bored with their plans though, so I'm not paying attention to what it is. Also, I'm too busy concentrating on Lacey's ugly necklace.
Little less time targeting and little more time accessorizing, whaddya say, Nutbar?
At the big show, the babes are planted in the front row. Flasher can't wait to see her man on stage. Badass thinks he's singing just to her. One S is mesmerized as she watches Bret play. Or maybe she's just excited to find out that Bret sings more than just The Song.
Bret's rocking the plastic flame painted cowboy hat, for a change. It's coordinated with his guitar and shirt. A bit matchy-matchy, but whatever. He's excited to play his new songs. I'll bet he is, since that was the whole reason for this hot mess of a show in the first place.
Post-show is when the partying really begins. Bret's band consists of some middle-aged guys. One of them has a Mohawk, which really shouldn't be allowed for anyone over age 25. Another one has a mullet. Clearly Bret's aging rocker insecurities have prevented him from hiring hotties in his band. We should all have someone way uglier standing next to us at all times. It totally woks for Bret.
Where can I get one of those?
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Comments (5)
i'm so sad that badass is gone. she was my absolute favorite! i haven't been able to watch it for the past few weeks b/c my house doesn't have tv yet. you know, 3 weeks into the school year. whatever.
i seem to remember a preview concerning someone giving someone a bj. was i dreaming?
1 of 5 | Posted by watermelon | Posted on September 14, 2007 5:45 PM
i loved flasher this epi, she reminds me a whole lot of my bf's sister. ehhh maybe that wasn't such a good example bc shes hooked on crack and is always "missing" for weeks at a time....but anyways flashers got that fun personality i can get drunk with and party on with some good laughes.
brandi..you have white goo on your face in your porn pix !! ekkkkkkkkkkk thats just nasty
lacy, ew she looks like she smells..
jes, well i actually would like her as a friend, but she doesn't deserve him. you see some of his youtube clips of him saying he just wanted to find a girl to have a good time with !! its not shocking but..its pretty asshole to just say it up front like that
i can't wait for the next show, seeing the previews with flasher saying lacy been the one mostly bangin bret is PRICELESS
2 of 5 | Posted by samxx7 | Posted on September 14, 2007 6:39 PM
Great recap Chick. I think you're right about Flasher being the only one who's really a fit for Bret. They are the perfect sleazy pair.
And I may be slow - but I just noticed the recaps are back to fitting on one page - YAY! I love it!
3 of 5 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on September 15, 2007 6:10 PM
I so wanted Badass to win too. After watching this epi all I have to say is WHY?!?
Look, I can't say I ever really saw any lesbo-tendancies from BB and I thought she was cute, witty, and a rocker-chick. And I say I can't "really" say I saw those lebo tendancies because every skank who lives today tries to makeout with chicks to impress douchebag guys. But the BB I saw this week came out of nowhere. I must say it was pretty lame from the way she couldn't handle her liquor allll the way to the how she litteraly booted herself off the show. Ugh...
I have to say that One S Jes has grown on me. I always thought her commentary was right on and since I saw her with he hair down, I must admit she's a handsome woman. As much as I would love for her to win, the fact that she's too cute and normal simply puts her out of the running. I, too, agree with CB that Flasher is the better fit. Espcially since she tried disassociating herslef from CRAZY. I'm so looking forward to next week's epi where it seems her Sybil-ways will be revealed...dun...dun..DUN!
While I think Bret's a decent guy with a horrid fanshion sense, he lost points with me every time he was presented with a reason to kick Crazy Lip Herpes out and didn't. I would love to see the WWIII that would ensue if she and Flasher made it to the final two.
4 of 5 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on September 15, 2007 8:07 PM
"Little less time targeting and little more time accessorizing, whaddya say, Nutbar?"
Awesome... absolutely awesome! I'm still cleaning up the water I snarfed all over the place.
Thank you for sparing me the agony of having to watch this swill, and keeping us all entertained... you rock!
5 of 5 | Posted by Devlin | Posted on September 17, 2007 10:33 AM