It's morning time in the house of herpes, and Token Roxy is telling us for the first of about twenty times in this episode, how she needs to make a connection with Bret. Luckily, she has a VIP pass that can be used at any time to force him to spend time with her. It all comes down to personality at this point, she tells us ironically, cause I pay attention and the only thing I can tell you about Roxy's personality is that I think she may be using the pink streaks in her hair to cover up the fact that she doesn't have one.

Pink is the new Slag

When it's time for the clue about the day's date, Butterface Megan is hoping that it doesn't have to do with "athleticness" 'cause she doesn't have anyway. Aren't girls who make up words like "athleticness" just the cutest? Farmgirl Jessica too is worried that the date will involve coordination.

And the date takes place at the roller derby. ATV's, roller derby, these are so not my kind of things. Well, Bret tells us, if there's one thing people can say, it's that he's a good father. Of course, look at the venereal diseases he braves for this reality show paycheck! It's all for his kids. We know he's not spending his money on the expensive hair. He is looking for someone with that "mother bear instinct". And he's gonna find it by strapping some roller skates on his hos, and sending them off with a stroller holding Baby Bret. Baby Bret is decked out like Daddy Bret, in a cowboy hat and sunglasses.

But the challenge has one more thing...the leisurely task of roller-skating along with your baby will be thwarted by the LA Derby Dolls. The Derby Dolls are a roller derby team, one of whose members is someone who Bret refers to as " America 's Little Sweetheart" and who I refer to as "Psycho Herpes Rocker" - it's Lacey Connor. I'm not sure how she stalked her way into this challenge, I don't recall "roller derby girl" being one of the eighty million things she bragged about in the past, but whatever, she's back with a "What's up, skanks?"

Sorry, but the purple pill is only a treatment, not a cure.

Shemale Inna wants to skate over Lacey's face. Go for it! Just watch the herpes encrusted lip ring. The first team is Manly Aubrey, Scary Frenchy Angelique, Shemale Inna and Germy Joe. The second team is Farmgirl Jessica, Token Roxy, Rode Hard Peyton and Cross Eyed Soccer Mom Ambre. The third team is Muppet Daisy, Butterface Megan, Bisexual Destiney and Granny Catherine 2.0.

Granny is a little put off by the young 'uns in her group, but once they started talking strategy, they bonded. It turns out Germy Joe is a good skater, so even though no one else on her team is, she thinks they might still have a chance. The rules of the skate are three laps around with the baby while the Derby Dolls try and take the baby out - then it gets passed on to Dr. Franklin. Dr. Franklin, perhaps the same doctor who measured Bret's erectile activity during last year's Talk Dirty to Me challenge? If it is, then they forgot to identify him with the tag, "Not a real doctor". In case the fact that he'll be measuring the level of roller derby damage to a Bret doll didn't clue you in.

Rudy Giuliani, you have sunk as low as you can go.

The Pink Team goes first. Everyone's scared of Lacey, cause her reputation as a psycho precedes her. Bret's looking for a girl who's willing to take a beating for her man. Ladies, when it comes to things like hygiene and aversion to spandex, the standards are loose, but you better be willing to defend yourself from a psycho groupie beatdown. Bret wouldn't be any help. That hairdo is delicate, you know.

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Posted in Rock of Love by ChickBomb at 12:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: xpedestrianx on Feb 20, 2008 06:33 AM.