At first, Bret is too busy trying to reattach his head after Germy's mind-blowing news to deal with Destiney, but that is one persistent bisexual. He makes a weak attempt to hold her off, but he's no match for Destiney who declares that she's staying, and Germy must leave. And so Germy goes.
Destiney wastes no time in straddling Bret, and commenting that she may just have a bite of Germy's steak. Destiney's bisexual mouth on Germy's food? Oh please go for it! Bisexual's aggressiveness in using her VIP pass was, naturally, a big turn on to Bret. Germy stands by and seethes confusedly that "this is not going to happen", when it so clearly is.
On his lap, Destiney pulls Bret's heartstrings by telling him she relates to being broken hearted - honey, if you throw a "Every Rose Has Its Thorn is the song that got me through" in there, you're so golden (still missing Flasher, when's her return?) According to Destiney, her boyfriend of five years cheated on her. Bret determines that Destiney is indeed there for the right reasons, and then they make out. So many lines in these recaps go like that - Blahblahblahblahblahblah...and then they made out. Anyone ever notice that?
Germy Joe is still germy mad about Destiney's interruption. She thinks it was so low of her to interrupt the solo date. Well, if you're dumb enough to have your solo date where he's available to be distracted, what do you expect? And with the bombs Germy was dropping on him, Destiney was like a damn life preserver.
Wait! I didn't get to tell you about my paternity suit and my appeal in that manslaughter case.
Destiney casually gives Bret back to Germy Joe, with a smug "mission accomplished." Indeed! Butterface Megan wants Bret to see Germy mad, so she and the other girls encourage Muppet to take her turn with the VIP pass. Muppet goes prancing out, only this time Bret and Germy are at a normal point in the conversation, about cheating, and it's no longer original, and Bret's a little annoyed. So he tells Muppet it's the wrong time, and she takes off. She doesn't want to disrespect him. Good attitude, Muppy, but funny when you're talking about respect with dangly pasties hanging off your bra top.
Germy is exhausted and overwhelmed from the two interruptions. And from spending the day cooking, no doubt. Take my advice Germy, there's a time to be a domestic goddess, but this is not it. Reservations and spa day so you're nice and relaxed and your two marriages and annulments and restraining orders aren't such a big deal.
Sure enough, this makes Bret doubt Germy. He tells her to imagine what it would be like backstage with "all kinds" of girls / diseases. She says it isn't in her to fight like that. Unless she's in skates pushing a fake Baby Bret, that is. Bret says she needs to toughen up, there's some more mumbo jumbo about hearts being invested, and then this disaster of a date is done.
And with that, Bret sets off to find Muppet, who he feels bad about turning away earlier. He appeases her with some private time in his bedroom. She wants him to know that she's been dreaming about him, and then she bursts into tears. When she looks at him, she forgets everything, and she just wants to stare. This is just puppy love, but the Muppet's cute, and she's still wearing her tasseled bikini, so Bret uses the patented, time honored method of making out with her to shut her the hell up. It totally works.
Animal's gonna lose his shit.
And then we're already at eliminations. Granny Kath thinks Germy should definitely go home, a sentiment echoed by many of the other skanks. Except Manly Aubrey, who stresses that she's afraid she's going to lose Germy Joe, and what en emotional moment that would be for her. It's so obvious that Manly's objective has shifted off Bret and onto The Germ.
And Germy is indeed freaking out, because of all the drama that happened on their date. Frenchy is blissfully unconcerned, and let's face it, she's good TV, but I think that face has ridden the crazy, naked train just about as far as it's gonna go.
Time to play De-sash the Gash!
Bret struts up to eliminations in a pinstriped ensemble, accented with red. At this point, I'm numb to the slightly fashionable wardrobe choices. He looks fine. Big whatever. He throws a "love hurts" comment at everyone, as eliminations begin. I wonder if that's a plug for the name of the next Poison album.
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Comments (11)
Would someone please tell me where else I've seen Megan? I KNOW she was on another reality show. Which one?! It's driving me nuts!
1 of 11 | Posted by jellybean | Posted on February 3, 2008 9:39 PM
jellybean:
Megan was on Beauty and the Geek and I think she and her partner won.
She really played up the "I've changed" bit for that show...but she has shown her true colors here with her 8th grade "warn me when you're not wearing make-up" crap. What a joke.
2 of 11 | Posted by realitee | Posted on February 3, 2008 10:26 PM
Megan was on Beauty and the Geek, and she was the winner I believe.
Great recap CB! But I am so far still quite disappointed with this season of ROL. It just doesn't have that spark of last season. I can't wait till Flasher shows up (and I strongly suspect she is moving into the house).
3 of 11 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on February 3, 2008 10:27 PM
"and then this disaster of a date is done."
Ahh-some alliteration, there, CB.
That recap was ahh-some.
The screencaps were ahh-some.
Everything was ahh-some.
I, too, will miss Scary Frenchy. She was all kinds of entertaining.
4 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 4, 2008 1:45 AM
yes, megan was the winner on B&G. i actually really came around to her on that show and was happy she won. she's pretty annoying so far on this show, but i still have some love for her because of the way she busted her ass on a few challenges toward the end. anyone remember her down-and-dirty herding sheep in a bikini moment? that's my kinda girl.
great recap, chickbomb. your granny portraits and captions kill me.
and big ups to the people at vh1 who subtitle in an accent. it never ceases to entertain.
5 of 11 | Posted by internetsensation | Posted on February 4, 2008 9:20 AM
I nearly fell off the couch when Bret called Inna the "Ukranian Love Tank." That is so not a compliment.
6 of 11 | Posted by Mandymax | Posted on February 4, 2008 11:51 AM
This season is so bogus. Nothing but a bunch of trannies and trailer park wannabes. At least you could see why Bret would be attracted to people like One S Jes, Flasher and BB from season One. This crop all looks pretty 'rode hard' to me. Granny 2.0, those rings on your neck! AGH! Like counting rings on the trunk of a tree.
I am looking forward to Flasher's return. I'm half hoping Bret will pull a Flavor Flav and ask Flasher to return to the House of Herpes as a contestant again. That would really liven things up.
CB, the "bring us your poor" caption was nothing short of brilliant. It's what keeps me coming back for more of your recaps, no matter how snoozefest the show has gotten. Keep it up!
7 of 11 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on February 4, 2008 12:36 PM
Great recap. The skating parts were intense and sexy.
I, too, kept thinking I recognized Megan from somewhere... and remembering only that I liked her, whereever that was.
8 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on February 5, 2008 10:22 AM
Megan is from Beauty and the Geek, she won the first or second season. Great recap, because of your recaps, I watch the show and I'm addicted.
9 of 11 | Posted by htpnk10 | Posted on February 6, 2008 8:05 AM
Hey TVGasm Addicts! Email me for a link to an exclusive interview with Angelique!
10 of 11 | Posted by BillBenway | Posted on February 6, 2008 10:45 AM
this season totally isn't as watchable as the first one. i haven't even been wasting time watching the shows- i know where it's at. i head right for the recaps. keep on rocking, chickbomb.
11 of 11 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on February 20, 2008 6:33 AM