Bisexual and SheMale are to be trained by Leotard Lady Arlene (hey, just cause she's a day player doesn't mean she doesn't rate a nickname) and man, Leotard Lady's tough! Over and down! Head up and smile! Twist to the left, head up and don't laugh! That one's for SheMale, who can't stop giggling throughout the rehearsal. "Get with it and stop giggling!" Leotard Lady snaps at her. Forget Bret, someone needs to send this broad overseas - I bet you she could tidy up Iraq in five minutes flat.

Butterface and Farmgirl are going to recite the Preamble to the Constitution while hula-hooping. I hate to say this about anything Butterface does, but it's a pretty cute idea. Unfortunately, while Butterface may be street smart, she is also illiterate. She explains to us that the problem isn't just that she has to memorize the Preamble, she's also learning new words. She stumbles over "posterity" about a hundred times. Shockingly, she does not supply "hotness" as an excuse for her stupidity.

Germy and CESM are stumped when it comes to their routine. Actually, CESM is fine, because she's going to do a tap dance, but Germy's not sure where she fits in. Can't dance, can't sing, can't do anything remotely likeable. Why is she here again? Oh yeah, crazy. CESM, who I am growing to love today, stays positive. She's had her issues with Germy, but she's determined to work together and win this thing!

200803051222
You can always marry someone and get them to ask a judge for a restraining order. That's a talent.

Muppet wanted the solo act so she could win a solo date. It is by far the smartest thing she has ever said - maybe one of last week's college educated pigs taught her something? She will be treating us to her rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. "This is working out great!" Muppet tell us. And then she starts singing. Not so much, doll.

They get the five-minute warning, and Leotard Lady yells, "Get your fishnets on!" I love Leotard Lady. When this franchise inevitably morphs into Rock of Love Charm School, I really hope they offer her the Mo'Nique role. Butterface tells us that she's nervous cause she doesn't know the words, but she thinks they have a chance to win cause - you guessed it - they're so damn cute. Ah, there's the Butterface I know and hate.

SheMale and Bisexual are first up for rehearsal. SheMale is nervous - this is her last chance, and she knows it. Unfortunately, when they get to the stage in their high heels, the routine completely falls apart. Leotard Lady is NOT HAPPY. And she does not mince words letting them know. SheMale doesn't want to hear it. She tells Leotard Lady to stop being so mean, and then she peels off a "fuck you" to her. Not nice, SheMale. CESM is appalled. Of course CESM respects her elders. She says that they've worked really hard to help, and it's not right to disrespect them.

Before the hos take the stage, Leotard Lady reminds them that there are veterans out there who apparently take their fake USO performances very seriously. "If the girl next to you faints, don't step on her, but keep going!" Leotard Lady yells at the hos. Words to live by. Leotard Lady absolutely needs her own show.

Someone on the editing team must have been bored, cause they actually made in intro with graphics and everything! "It's Bret Michaels' Rockin' USO-ish Style Show!" an announcer booms, while patriotic rocker graphics dance across our screens. It's fabulous!

Our host is Bill Dwyer, who I'm pretty sure I know from Last Comic Standing. Thank heavens for the continued domination of reality shows. What other outlet would reality show stars have to extend their fifteen minutes? Just ask Ashley Paige and her ugly swimwear. I thought we were done with her after The Hills and Rock of Love Part One, but her bitch ass popped up on the Kardashians' show a few months ago too. I fully expect to find her doing a whipped cream bikini challenge on the WE Network in the near future.

200803051237
Ho, a deer, a slut ass deer...

CESM and Germy are up first. CESM is "totally nervous - we need to set the bar, and we need to set it high" she tells us. Their act is called Stars and Taps. CESM is an annoyingly great tap dancer, which I'm sure surprises no one, but Germy was, in Bret's own words, "like a monkey on crack".

Rock of Love: America's Got Talent. The Hos Just Forgot to Take a Helping Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6 

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Comments (18)

Tigermilk:

Kristy Joe…please, poor man’s Cool Sam from ROL 1. And I just loved how Bret asks the girls to talk shit and once they begin fighting, he gets pissed and leaves. That's almost as awesome as when he pretends he picks out the date activities.

And CESM profusely apologizing and fretting about losing KJ’s friendship, I’m going to paraphrase Jade from ANTM and say, “this is Rock.Of.Love., not Friendship of Love honey.” I actually applauded Kristy Joe’s nonchalance on this one.

But big improvement over the rest of the season nonetheless. Flasher is this show's savior! Great recap CB.

chrispeycreme:

i hope you werent being serious about the "blow up beer can"....

dangerdarling:

I like Jessica, but I don't think she will win. I like CESM by default, because everyone else in the house gets on my fucking nerves so much. Daisy didn't get much camera time, which makes me think she may be winning some stuff soon.

I knew Inna was one of those butterface (uh, butterbodies?) that he kept only to cut later in the season. After watching enough of these shows, you can figure out a kind of formula as to who they will really keep, and who is only around to cut later, when shit starts going down. I think Kristy Joe or Destiny may go home soon.

In it to win it are CESM and Dasiy.

dangerdarling:

Let me retract that- I think he will bring flasher back, and possibly pick her for the win.

MidwestNomad:

The Daisy critiques are perfect and accurate. Watching her string a sentence together is more painful than watching "Ultraviolet". While sober. Kristy Jo is not even interesting anymore. At least Cool Sam was... Cool, and had her great send-off makeout ho-ment. Destiney looks a little like Lucy Lawless to me in the face. CESMombre is delightful, as is the surprise that is Farmgirl. I think a great source of comedy would be to watch a debate about an intellectual topics between Daisy and Butterface. I don't know who'd win, other than the viewers.

wintersux:

Am I crazy or does it look like someone pasted Joan River's face onto the smokin' body that's working the stripper pole in the last picture??

wintersux:

Also, were these girls home-schooled or what? Megan has never heard of the Preamble?? In the state I live in, you have to pass a test on the Constitution just to past EIGHTH FRICKIN' GRADE!!! And Daisy has never sung the National Anthem...okay, not only has she apparently not attended school, but it seems she's never gone to a sports event either. Does the hotness really excuse the total moronitude???

wintersux:

Oh crap...I meant "pass 8th grade", not "past 8th grade". Anyway...

snootchy bootches:

I don't think it is a definite that Butterface went to school past the 8th grade.

mandymax:

I really like Ambre. She comes across as a very sincere, very independent, totally un-fake person who'd be fun to hang out with, and I liked the fact that she felt she'd disrespected Kristy Joe by not talking to her first - she understands how you should treat people. On the other hand, I cringed when she said, "I spoke my mind, and that may have cost me." In other words, I said what I thought, and now he may not like me anymore. Ambre just set women back about two-hundred years.

In saying that he took full responsibility for not spending any time with "this girl" this past week before he called Daisy down, that told me right there that Bret's already chosen Daisy. And Daisy really seems gone on him. Does she really think he's actually in this to "find love"? Does she even know about the chick waiting at home with his two kids?

I thought the same thing about Megan, Jessica, and Daisy, when they didn't know the Preamble or the National Anthem - did they not go to school? Personally, I was extremely offended by the entire thing. I'm a staunch supporter of the troops and have incredible respect for veterans, and it was such an insult for these girls to show their ignorance of the Constitution and the National Anthem to the veterans, mouth off to the USO women, and essentially make a joke out of the whole thing by slutting it up and not taking it seriously. That really bothered me.

*off soapbox now*

Poopsicle:

What bothers me is that these girls really think they have nice bodies. There were so many flabby stomachs and flat asses. Only Daisy and KJ have the right to wear bikinis. But their faces w/o any make-up on, Yikes.

deliciousminds:

The problem with Germy Joe is that she probably grew up in a small town where she was usually the prettiest girl in the room, and then moved to the, ahem, "real world" that is the Rock of Love skank castle, and can't handle it. I don't think it's her ex-husband-restraining-order baggage, OR any feelings for Bret that have her so flustered, I think it's suddenly being uncertain of her hotness as compared to those around her. A-NNOY-ING!

fire@will:

Mandymax wrote: "Ambre just set women back about two-hundred years."

I would agree, except I would say this about any woman who agrees to be on this show. It is only a matter of degrees.

KJ needs to go. She is a one trick (and I'm being generous here) pony.

And bring back the goofy stripper.

SNL did a great send up of the show. My girlfriend LHAO, even though she's never seen ROL.

mle428:

According to the ROL section on VH1.com, Kristy Joe grew up in Newport Beach, CA. I'm an OC girl myself, and there is no shortage of plastic beauty here.

Donna Martin Graduates!:

poopsicle -- I have to disagree - I think Butterface has a truly rockin' bod (hence the arrogance) and looked spectacular in that custom cut tee -- awwww, no screencap?! :(

Great recap, once again.

Too bad this series pales compared with the first one.

yankeesfan:

I am so glad u brought up the lack of KJ's eyebrows! It has bothered me since the first time they showed her without makeup...she's also pretty unfortunate looking without makeup. Yeah, Destiny and Ina have pretty awful bodies...it was disturbing watching their strip tease. I actually think Ambre has a nice body too though...she's just a little older I think (right?)

chelle:

Great recap! :)

Don't worry mandymax, I thought the entire USO-ish show was semi-offensive as well, how does anyone get applauded for messing up half the words to the National Anthem!?!

Although I'm rooting for either Ambre or Jessica, my guess is that Muppet (that is so great) will pull though in the end. 6 more episodes seems like a long way to go though, or is it just me?

rhoda:

What was up with this USO variety show? Bad fit. Tacky. I respect the vets and those serving.

You gotta love Brett. He's good natured and he'll roll with almost anything. No matter how tacky the dates, the girls, the house, the furnishing, he seems to just roll with it.

I love how he said he can't stand "mediocrisy" in this episode. That's a great made up word.

And my favorite thing of all. When he tells the girl...your tour has ended. I love that ...maybe a different time, different circumstances...

You know Greg Brady taught Marsha how to get rid of a date...you just say...Something Came Up.

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