Next up are Butterface and Farmgirl, who have been christened Hula Hoops For Our Troops. The first thing they do when they hit the stage is strip down to their bikinis. Butterface reviewed her Bret Michaels Handbook, and is decked out in the same American flag bikini that she wore for the Peep Show challenge. And Farmgirl actually owns a farmgirl style bikini, denim with ruffles at the bottom. I have not seen this kind of commitment to a look since Flasher and her spangly stripper gowns. And speaking of....when, VH1, when? Flasher would have rocked this USO challenge - flashed her tatters, and taken it home. You know she would have.
Butterface kind of stumbles through her part of the routine, but Farmgirl does just fine. "Ahhh, the patriotism in the room," Bret tells us, "The general and I - we salute you." Ew. The old dude sitting next to Bret is practically crying with laughter.
Bisexual and SheMale are up next, and they are called The Rock Of Love Rockettes. And oh my. They throw Leotard Lady's head up and smile routine out the window, bend over and start stripping. Leotard Lady is horrified! I'm a little bummed myself, that little kick to the left routine looked kind of fun. Farmgirl jumps up on her high horse to tell us that even though she and Butterface did a striptease too, "There's a classy way to do something and a trashy way to do something," she sniffs. Not on this show, sweetie.
I haven't been this shocked since Angela Lansbury left Murder She Wrote for no good reason.
Their routine is met with dead, awkward silence. "The vets I'm sitting with have seem some horrific things," Bret tells us, "but Destiney and Inna are the most horrific of all." Uh-oh. Things are not looking good for The Tank.
But the horror doesn't end there, cause then it's Muppet's turn to shine, shine, shine! She's really nervous, but not as much cause she's following the awful striptease. The two big issues with Muppet's routine, Farmgirl tells us (has she been speaking up today or what?) are that Muppet's tone deaf and she doesn't know the words. But Muppet actually looks pretty cute in her little white sailor outfit. And I love how when the National Anthem starts, all the Vets automatically stand up. Even when it's a whore singing it.
Muppet tells us that she's proud of herself cause she never sang in public before (What? No! Really?), and she also never sang the Star Spangled Banner before either (Seriously? I'm shocked!). Either way, I'm not hearing anything in this performance to be proud of. But I'll give a little leeway to Muppet cause she's sort of cute and she tries and she clearly rode the short bus to the Rock of Love house.
What, was Yankee Diddle Daddy taken?
Bret says the Vets get to decide the winner. Each and every ho appears on screen to tell us how bad they want to win. The winner will be determined by the old reliable Applause O' Meter. Do those things really work? The Rockettes and Muppet get polite applause. Germy and CESM do a bit better, but the crowd really goes wild for Butterface and Farmgirl. Ugh. Ew. Yuck. I hate that Butterface's theory of winning by being cute is validated, but they were the best of the bunch. If only CESM would have dumped Germy, she could have tapped her way to victory.
Bret was really proud of his hos, so he wanted to reward them with a beautiful dinner. The table is set, and it's a celebration! But not so fast...actually, the dinner is less of a celebration, and more of a cleverly staged production trick so Bret can make his favorite attempt at ratings by stirring the shit up between hos. As soon as they sit down, Bret drills the skanks on who's there for the wrong reasons.
Muppet's up first. She's closest to Bisexual, she tells Bret, and Bisexual's definitely there for the right reasons. "Unleash!" Bret commands her. But she won't. Neither will Butterface who echoes similar sentiments toward Farmgirl. SheMale tells him she doesn't know anything about anything, and Bret's getting frustrated. "I just want a little bit of information," he whines. Translated: Mayday! Mayday! Season Two's a total bore snore - someone get a catfight going, and fast!
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Comments (18)
Kristy Joe…please, poor man’s Cool Sam from ROL 1. And I just loved how Bret asks the girls to talk shit and once they begin fighting, he gets pissed and leaves. That's almost as awesome as when he pretends he picks out the date activities.
And CESM profusely apologizing and fretting about losing KJ’s friendship, I’m going to paraphrase Jade from ANTM and say, “this is Rock.Of.Love., not Friendship of Love honey.” I actually applauded Kristy Joe’s nonchalance on this one.
But big improvement over the rest of the season nonetheless. Flasher is this show's savior! Great recap CB.
1 of 18 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on March 5, 2008 1:37 PM
i hope you werent being serious about the "blow up beer can"....
2 of 18 | Posted by chrispeycreme | Posted on March 5, 2008 7:45 PM
I like Jessica, but I don't think she will win. I like CESM by default, because everyone else in the house gets on my fucking nerves so much. Daisy didn't get much camera time, which makes me think she may be winning some stuff soon.
I knew Inna was one of those butterface (uh, butterbodies?) that he kept only to cut later in the season. After watching enough of these shows, you can figure out a kind of formula as to who they will really keep, and who is only around to cut later, when shit starts going down. I think Kristy Joe or Destiny may go home soon.
In it to win it are CESM and Dasiy.
3 of 18 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on March 5, 2008 9:18 PM
Let me retract that- I think he will bring flasher back, and possibly pick her for the win.
4 of 18 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on March 5, 2008 9:24 PM
The Daisy critiques are perfect and accurate. Watching her string a sentence together is more painful than watching "Ultraviolet". While sober. Kristy Jo is not even interesting anymore. At least Cool Sam was... Cool, and had her great send-off makeout ho-ment. Destiney looks a little like Lucy Lawless to me in the face. CESMombre is delightful, as is the surprise that is Farmgirl. I think a great source of comedy would be to watch a debate about an intellectual topics between Daisy and Butterface. I don't know who'd win, other than the viewers.
5 of 18 | Posted by MidwestNomad | Posted on March 5, 2008 10:42 PM
Am I crazy or does it look like someone pasted Joan River's face onto the smokin' body that's working the stripper pole in the last picture??
6 of 18 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 6, 2008 3:47 AM
Also, were these girls home-schooled or what? Megan has never heard of the Preamble?? In the state I live in, you have to pass a test on the Constitution just to past EIGHTH FRICKIN' GRADE!!! And Daisy has never sung the National Anthem...okay, not only has she apparently not attended school, but it seems she's never gone to a sports event either. Does the hotness really excuse the total moronitude???
7 of 18 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 6, 2008 3:54 AM
Oh crap...I meant "pass 8th grade", not "past 8th grade". Anyway...
8 of 18 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 6, 2008 3:56 AM
I don't think it is a definite that Butterface went to school past the 8th grade.
9 of 18 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on March 6, 2008 4:34 AM
I really like Ambre. She comes across as a very sincere, very independent, totally un-fake person who'd be fun to hang out with, and I liked the fact that she felt she'd disrespected Kristy Joe by not talking to her first - she understands how you should treat people. On the other hand, I cringed when she said, "I spoke my mind, and that may have cost me." In other words, I said what I thought, and now he may not like me anymore. Ambre just set women back about two-hundred years.
In saying that he took full responsibility for not spending any time with "this girl" this past week before he called Daisy down, that told me right there that Bret's already chosen Daisy. And Daisy really seems gone on him. Does she really think he's actually in this to "find love"? Does she even know about the chick waiting at home with his two kids?
I thought the same thing about Megan, Jessica, and Daisy, when they didn't know the Preamble or the National Anthem - did they not go to school? Personally, I was extremely offended by the entire thing. I'm a staunch supporter of the troops and have incredible respect for veterans, and it was such an insult for these girls to show their ignorance of the Constitution and the National Anthem to the veterans, mouth off to the USO women, and essentially make a joke out of the whole thing by slutting it up and not taking it seriously. That really bothered me.
*off soapbox now*
10 of 18 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on March 6, 2008 6:59 AM
What bothers me is that these girls really think they have nice bodies. There were so many flabby stomachs and flat asses. Only Daisy and KJ have the right to wear bikinis. But their faces w/o any make-up on, Yikes.
11 of 18 | Posted by Poopsicle | Posted on March 6, 2008 7:53 AM
The problem with Germy Joe is that she probably grew up in a small town where she was usually the prettiest girl in the room, and then moved to the, ahem, "real world" that is the Rock of Love skank castle, and can't handle it. I don't think it's her ex-husband-restraining-order baggage, OR any feelings for Bret that have her so flustered, I think it's suddenly being uncertain of her hotness as compared to those around her. A-NNOY-ING!
12 of 18 | Posted by deliciousminds | Posted on March 6, 2008 8:05 AM
Mandymax wrote: "Ambre just set women back about two-hundred years."
I would agree, except I would say this about any woman who agrees to be on this show. It is only a matter of degrees.
KJ needs to go. She is a one trick (and I'm being generous here) pony.
And bring back the goofy stripper.
SNL did a great send up of the show. My girlfriend LHAO, even though she's never seen ROL.
13 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 6, 2008 10:00 AM
According to the ROL section on VH1.com, Kristy Joe grew up in Newport Beach, CA. I'm an OC girl myself, and there is no shortage of plastic beauty here.
14 of 18 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on March 6, 2008 12:11 PM
poopsicle -- I have to disagree - I think Butterface has a truly rockin' bod (hence the arrogance) and looked spectacular in that custom cut tee -- awwww, no screencap?! :(
Great recap, once again.
Too bad this series pales compared with the first one.
15 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on March 6, 2008 10:49 PM
I am so glad u brought up the lack of KJ's eyebrows! It has bothered me since the first time they showed her without makeup...she's also pretty unfortunate looking without makeup. Yeah, Destiny and Ina have pretty awful bodies...it was disturbing watching their strip tease. I actually think Ambre has a nice body too though...she's just a little older I think (right?)
16 of 18 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on March 7, 2008 7:14 AM
Great recap! :)
Don't worry mandymax, I thought the entire USO-ish show was semi-offensive as well, how does anyone get applauded for messing up half the words to the National Anthem!?!
Although I'm rooting for either Ambre or Jessica, my guess is that Muppet (that is so great) will pull though in the end. 6 more episodes seems like a long way to go though, or is it just me?
17 of 18 | Posted by chelle | Posted on March 7, 2008 1:10 PM
What was up with this USO variety show? Bad fit. Tacky. I respect the vets and those serving.
You gotta love Brett. He's good natured and he'll roll with almost anything. No matter how tacky the dates, the girls, the house, the furnishing, he seems to just roll with it.
I love how he said he can't stand "mediocrisy" in this episode. That's a great made up word.
And my favorite thing of all. When he tells the girl...your tour has ended. I love that ...maybe a different time, different circumstances...
You know Greg Brady taught Marsha how to get rid of a date...you just say...Something Came Up.
18 of 18 | Posted by rhoda | Posted on March 9, 2008 12:08 PM