Hello gorgeous dolls, and welcome back to Rock of Love! Where the hell did it go last week? I have no idea. Must have been some kind of hangover. Anyway, this is the episode when things finally start to get good! In honor of that, I have had Talk Dirty To Me repeating on my iPod for the whole time it took me to write this recap. Go ahead, judge away, but twenty years later and I think it still kind of rocks. And I can sing the hell out of it karaoke-style. Are we ready? CC, pick up that guitar, and talk to me!
What do you wanna bet Oprah will be endorsing this guy's book within the next week?
Well, well, well...who would have thought I'd have missed these skanks? But I did! We meet again in the workout room. Bret doesn't like a mushy ho. And we are reminded that there's only six of 'em left. Really? Just six? Where does the time go?
Well, Soccer Mom Ambre (I'm officially taking the Cross Eyed part out of her name, cause she's becoming my new favorite - not that she isn't cross eyed, but I'm going to be a kinder, gentler CB for five seconds) is still worried about the war she started at dinner with Germy Joe. She's also broken out the time honored reality show line about stepping up her game. Meanwhile, The Germ herself is also concerned. She can't get Bret's parting words about "too little, too late" out of her mind. She's not in a good state of mind, she tells us. So what else is new.
Germy heads to phone room to "deal with what I have going on back home". She gets on the phone, and the editors ID the person she's talking to as her second husband. Just in case anyone forgot. Poor dude. First of all, for having married this nutcase in the first place. But second of all...it looks like he's getting dumped on the phone from Bret Michael's fake house! That is so harsh.
Germy tells Ex #2 that she feels a really strong connection with Bret, and she wants to go through with the divorce. Her ex is pissed, but she brushes it off with an airy, "Just trying to be honest." What a sweetheart. Then she says she didn't want to have to do it over the phone, but it was her way of telling the world that she's there for Bret. Also her way of telling the world that she's an even crazier ho than we all thought.
And PS, could you send my lithium and penicillin stat?
We cut to Bret cruising LA in his (rented) Ferrari, telling us that like any man, when things get dramatic, he runs far and fast. That's not a trait indigenous to men, darling. I've got a crazy landlord accusing me of rigging the Dish network satellite to spy on her cell phone, so I haven't been home for days either.
Back at Coochie Central, Big John gathers the hos in the grand hall for an assignment. He tells them it's going to be a very exciting day! Bret's clue tells the hos he is looking for someone who "gets his soul and loves rock and roll". Someone else must be writing these. Judging by his music, Bret's lyric writing ability isn't nearly that clever.
Germy could give a crap about the day's challenge - all she wants to do is club Bret over his head with her very thrilling news that she's finally asked for a divorce. But she can't find Bret, and she's getting emotional. Germy, getting emotional? What a shocking turn of events. Soccer Mom, clearly having heard enough out of this banana, tells her to pull it together.
Germy breaks the news to Soccer Mom that she has asked her ex for a divorce over the phone. "You did it on the phone?" Soccer Mom asks her incredulously. Then she comments that she thought it had already been done, and obviously Germy's been lying all along when she said it was all over. Very smart deduction, someone give this Soccer Mom a cookie. Or an orange slice.
Or Lasik.
Then Soccer Mom flat out tells Germy, "No wonder he doesn't trust you." Loves it! This bitch is officially fabulous.
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Comments (22)
Yes, it was shocking, but if they wanted to keep people on for entertainment value, we'd still have Crazy Frenchie mangling the English language and streeping at the drop of a hat.
It's pretty sucky what he did to Megan, tho.
Next week looks promising!!!!!!!!!!!
1 of 22 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:23 AM
Seriously, where did krusty joe's eyebrows go?
2 of 22 | Posted by slickB | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:32 AM
Kristy Joe's eyebrows have been missing since the beginning of the series...she paints them on. This episode was really good, and I was also wondering if Brett was just acting or what...and I really really wanted him to send Butterface home too. I want Ambre to win, but at the same time, I think she's too good for him and am rooting for Muppet, which is who i think it will come down between, unless he invited Flasher back.
3 of 22 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on March 17, 2008 12:43 PM
Kristy Joe annoys the hell out of me but Destiney is insane! She is really, really vile and malicious (and scary and unstable)... what a complete witch!
4 of 22 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on March 17, 2008 1:42 PM
Finally the trashy show I loved is finally and slowly coming back. It's funny that in the previews the girls are schocked that Heather has them doing shots and taking off their tops, but that should have been this whole season! Yeah Flasher!
I would like to see Janis, Jessica, and CESM stick around for awhile, and Flasher if she is invited back.
5 of 22 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on March 17, 2008 3:44 PM
^ yeah, when is that harpy (Destiny) gonna get the boot?
6 of 22 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on March 17, 2008 3:44 PM
I might be the only one that thinks this. But Soccer Mom Ambre annoys me! When she was directing that video.....she was getting too excited. I thought she was gonna pee in her pants or something. Also, I don't know what's so bad about Kristy Joe. I like her.....she's just emotional and confused. Again...... i might be the only one that thinks this. =)
I'm rooting for Daisy....and I want Destiney to go too.
7 of 22 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on March 17, 2008 4:15 PM
Ok, seriously...soccermom 32?
I actually did a spit take when I heard her say that.
And kudos on the "do you think I have big hands" screengrab. Just thinking about it makes me laugh....thanks for the great recap.
FLASHERS BACK!!!
8 of 22 | Posted by realitee | Posted on March 17, 2008 8:15 PM
Yeahhhh, I loveee me some flasher. That farmgirl jess is about to get wild.
I want heather to come back, for sure. I had a feeling Jess would win last season, and I liked her, but I really, really thought Heather was in it for Brett. I knew Jess was all about PR. She didn't even want to be on the show...they approached HER. Why am still I bitching about ROL 1, you may ask? Because I'm a moron.
Anyway, I'm probably the only one who wants Meghan to stay, because I want to see her and Flasher duke it out. I want Flasher to put her in her place. Meghan is so dry and vapid that I actually LIKE watching her. It's awful, I know.
Destiny is working my last nerve. Daisy is starting to, also...with irritating halted, childish voice. Like for-ev-er.
God, now I don't want any of them to win. Just Heather. Ambre isn't in it for him. She's an actress, anyway (aren't they all). She has a website. ambre lake. google it:)
9 of 22 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on March 17, 2008 8:59 PM
I agree w/dangerdarling. Muppet thought that putting Bret into their video was im-POOR-endt. Stripper/ghetto syntax is funny sometimes, but on her, it just looks like lack of education. Or so much botox, her lips don't move correctly.
But she has the proper breast-to-waist-ratio, as Bret put it, and let's face it, dolls. That's what really imPOORendt in a relationship.
10 of 22 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 17, 2008 9:24 PM
I think "Ambre" is SUPER annoying and not just for the ridiculously lame way she spells her name! There is no way she is just 32; she looks more like 38, if not older. To me, she seems like the chick in high-school who was a cheerleader and popular but only by association: she hung around the hot, popular girls and because she was kinda cute herself, she blended in. Deep down, however, she hated being in the entourage and dreamt of being queen. Mentally she never grew out of her high-school self, so on her 38th birthday, freaking out about approaching 40, she decides to claim the glory that eluded her in her youth, and goes after what would have been the Ultimate Prize for her high-school self (and those hotter friends): Bret Michaels!! How did I come up with all this crap? By watching this woman suffer when playing her too-familiar role of "good-listener/understanding friend" while telling herself that it's part of a bigger plan this time, and that she has everyone fooled. I don't think she evil or anything; just desperate.
And Daisy... perhaps she's frea-ken a-ooh over so much because being on land and getting used to legs instead of a fish-tail would be hard on anyone.
11 of 22 | Posted by bigbadboris | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:00 PM
I love Ambre - always have. Unfortunately, I think she's way too good for Bret. My money's on Daisy, just because she seems like a sweet kid, but not too bright, and I think Bret likes that.
As for all his so-called emotion for Kristy Joe - if he really felt that strongly about her, why was she ALWAYS the LAST one to get her pass??? Don't buy it. Drama. Ratings. Nuff said.
And why exactly is he keeping Destiney around?
12 of 22 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on March 18, 2008 5:40 AM
PS - BEST RECAP EVER!!!!:-)
13 of 22 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on March 18, 2008 6:04 AM
Ambre is 32?!?! Why do people on reality shows always look 10 yrs older than they really are? Does being a vapid whore prematurely age you?
Daisy's voice annoys the shit out of me. The only way I can explain her pronunciations is that I think the severe collagenation of her lips forces them into unnatural shapes.
I'm so pumped for Heather, but from the previews, she appears to be having too much fun with the hoochies and not grilling them/giving them enough shit. Don't let me down, Flasher!
14 of 22 | Posted by MissKatrina | Posted on March 18, 2008 8:38 AM
Great recap.
As Kristy and Megan were leaving for their date, Big John opened the limo door and Kristy got in. John told Megan "Age before beauty". LOL
Especially don't like Destiny, but wouldn't touch any of these people with someone else's ten foot pole.
Must add a question to my Heather Mills memorial pre-date screening test: "99. Have you ever been on, or applied to be on..."
15 of 22 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 18, 2008 10:48 AM
Soooooo Ambre is an actess?
Well that 'splains it! I've been wondering for weeks -trying to figure out what the heck she's doing on this show.
No fake boobs, not a stripper, educated.....just doesn't compute - she doesn't appear to have much in common with Brett - 'cept self promotion I guess
Thank you dangerdarling!
16 of 22 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on March 19, 2008 9:58 AM
on second thought
Maybe our boy isn't as transparent as he appears.
Maybe he's attracted to Ambre because she's like the secretary in that old Adam Ant video "Goody Two Shoes"
Remember? She was all business & buttoned up until they got behind closed doors?
Could that be why she's still there?
NAAAAAAAAW!
17 of 22 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on March 19, 2008 10:06 AM
This may sound delayed....but I just read on Wikipedia (error?) that Micheals isn't divorced yet. He is separated from his wife...isn't that what he (and the other girls!) were flipping out about Kristy Jo?!? Does no one else find that a little bizarre?
18 of 22 | Posted by hillrunnersarah | Posted on March 19, 2008 12:52 PM
Has anyone noticed that all of these girls have jacked up eyebrows? It must be are requirement for show.
In their contact it states:Participant must be willing to shave off all hairs of the eyebrows. And must draw them in with a shade that is lighter and more orange then their natural color.
I love this show
19 of 22 | Posted by htpnk10@yahoo.com | Posted on March 19, 2008 4:13 PM
Maybe Kristy Joe IS Brett's future ex-wife
that would be cool!
20 of 22 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on March 20, 2008 9:04 AM
That's it! Daisy's a fish....that explains everything. It has gotten to the point where I have a hard time looking directly at her.
As for Ambre....I just don't buy the whole "she's too good for Bret" stuff. She just seems like a soccermom...the chick who is a 10 back home but a 6 in L.A. (or at least Bret's version of a 6...not that I always agree with his opinion...here fishy fishy) And since her looks are not typical rocker girl - I'm not surprised at all to find out we have an actress on our hands...apparently her talent makes up for everything...she can always claim she was doing research.
The part that just really gets me is that all these girls KNOW they are trying to get this one guy and then they cry "unfair!" when anyone spends time with him...it is the strangest dynamic...I mean, what did they expect? Group therapy and hugs until a final game of spin the bottle decides their fate?
I know I know...I have WAY too much time on my hands. Loser
21 of 22 | Posted by realitee | Posted on March 20, 2008 6:58 PM
No prob- first thing I do is get the dirt on these chicks;)
Actually, they're all actresses in some way.
Destiny (aka Destiny Moore aka Destiny Sue Walker) was in the movie Georgia Rule with Lindsay Lohan.
Megan obviously was on 'Beauty and the Geek'
Daisy (de la Hoya) is Oscar De La Hoya's (the boxer) niece.
Jessica (Kinni) is a model and has been in some CMT music videos including one that can be seen on “CMT’s 20 Sexiest Videos.”
Kristy Jo did playboy, and models
Ambre...well, I aready talked about her.
22 of 22 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on March 24, 2008 11:39 PM