Hello gorgeous dolls, we're back for the second to last episode of Rock Of Love! I've been very busy this week patting myself on the back for picking such a trashtastic show to recap, and getting ready to mourn next week when it's all over. We're down to Flasher, Lacey and One S Jes. One S is a lock. Flasher's my new girl. And then there's Psycho Herpes Rocker Lacey. Can she hustle Bret for another week? Let's do a little dumpster dive and see...
Best foot forward.
The day starts out with Flasher and Psycho Rocker Lacey in their room pretending to be friends cause Flash does not trust Lacey anymore. Smart assessment, as Lacey tells us she needs to look out for herself. That's what you were doing all along, Nutbar, that's why everyone hates you. One S sits downstairs, all class with her coffee and cigarette. Her big news is that the connection with Bret has been intensified.
Bret tells us "if there's one thing that makes a rock star nervous, it's a girl's parents." So naturally, Bret (read: clever producers) has decided it would be a good idea to invite everyone's parents over to the house of debauchery. "You marry a girl, you marry her parents". Sho 'nuff, Bretty. My friend PJ moved in with his wife's parents while they house hunted and they never moved out. He's now thrilled to be learning the related lesson that when you divorce a girl, you also divorce her parents.
The first parents we meet are Flasher's. Her Dad is cute, like a feisty leprechaun. Mom doesn't say much, and Flash tells us this is only the second time she's seen them in a room together in her entire life. Nothing like the prospect of a little F-List fame to bring a family together. It's heartwarming.
Thanks for comin'! You have raised one spectacular ho.
Bret's immediate impression of the Flashers is that they're cool. I concur. He talks football with Daddy Flash, and I when I hear my much beloved Gators mentioned, well, let's just say Daddy Flash is "golden" in my book.
Next up are One S's family, and they are just the most adorable Midwestern couple ever. They remind me of my friend's parents in Missouri who send me a box of tomatoes from their garden every summer and are fond of telling what they consider to be the most hilarious story ever, about the time they bought some corn from a roadside stand, only to find out when they got home and shucked it...that it was WHITE corn, not yellow corn! A hoot, I tell ya.
One S tells us her and her parents have a great relationship. She's so happy to see them that she cries when they walk through the door. I'm BFF with my parents too, so I totally buy it. Bret meets Jim and Deb (oh, if there were ever a "Jim & Deb", these are so them) and assesses them as "good people." I could not agree more. He was expecting an uptight banker and judgmental Mom, so this is the best surprise he's ever gotten. Dad makes a joke about One S's boobs - what is it about Dads with daughters named Jes(s) that makes them obsessed with their daughter's boobs? Huh, Joe Simpson?
I always dreamt of a day that that rack would make it on TV! I love ya, kid!
And we have saved the best (and when I say the best, I mean the best material for me) for last. It's Psycho Rocker Herpes Lacey's parents. Well, we know from last week's exercise in manipulation that Lacey's Mom died, so it's Psycho Daddy and Stepmama. The first thing I notice about Psycho Daddy is the herpes, oops, I meant piercing, in his ear. Verrry age appropriate.
Psycho Daddy must have a huge bank account or a huge penis, cause Stepmama looks about Lacey's age, and kind of cute. She screams Dallas in her light yellow summer frock paired with a black Chanel purse. That's the Dallas part, by the way. Someone from a fashionable city would sooner wear a light purse that looked right than a black bag, even if it is Chanel, but in the Big D they just like to throw as much designer logo as possible into the ensemble.
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Comments (19)
Ahh..this show IS the reason I own a tv and pay through the nose for my cable...a true sign of the apocalypse. I wish it would go on forever. Sigh...I was even starting to like the Flasher a little, too
CB your rehashes are superb!
1 of 19 | Posted by kcobain | Posted on September 20, 2007 3:21 PM
Thanks for the recap! Is that really a wig??
2 of 19 | Posted by luvtv | Posted on September 20, 2007 4:47 PM
Best. Recap. Ever.
3 of 19 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on September 20, 2007 7:51 PM
Can someone please please hook Lacey up with "Miss J" so girlfriend can learn to walk in heels!
4 of 19 | Posted by casey | Posted on September 20, 2007 8:20 PM
Love your recaps ChickBomb! It's sad that this show is coming to an end.... I'll miss this guilty pleasure of mine...
5 of 19 | Posted by clair | Posted on September 20, 2007 8:31 PM
I don't know which I'm going to miss more - this show or these recaps! PLEASE let there be a Rock of Love 2!!!!!
6 of 19 | Posted by Mandymax | Posted on September 21, 2007 5:46 AM
When Bret and Otis were sitting next to each other on a flight, do you think they were in first class?
7 of 19 | Posted by Katrina Patina | Posted on September 21, 2007 6:10 AM
When Bret and Otis were sitting next to each other on a flight, do you think they were in first class? Because, you know, they are both so wealthy.
8 of 19 | Posted by Katrina Patina | Posted on September 21, 2007 6:12 AM
Great recap CB - LOL'd many times
I'll be bummed when "the cheetos for my brain" that is Rock of Love is over but maybe MTV will spin it off??
Like My Fair Brady:
I'm Marrying a Man Whore Ate Up Rock Star
9 of 19 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on September 21, 2007 10:23 AM
Great recap CB - LOL'd many times
I'll be bummed when "the cheetos for my brain" that is Rock of Love is over but maybe MTV will spin it off??
Like My Fair Brady:
I'm Marrying a Man Whore Ate Up Rock Star
10 of 19 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on September 21, 2007 10:28 AM
Great recap CB - LOL'd many times
I'll be bummed when "the cheetos for my brain" that is Rock of Love is over but maybe MTV will spin it off??
Like My Fair Brady:
I'm Marrying a Man Whore Ate Up Rock Star
11 of 19 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on September 21, 2007 10:32 AM
Great recap CB - LOL'd many times
I'll be bummed when "the cheetos for my brain" that is Rock of Love is over but maybe MTV will spin it off??
Like My Fair Brady:
I'm Marrying a Man Whore Ate Up Rock Star
12 of 19 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on September 21, 2007 10:35 AM
yikes - sorry about that!
13 of 19 | Posted by 2 Old 4 This | Posted on September 21, 2007 11:05 AM
Chickbomb!!!! , I am with you so sad this trashtasic show is almost over. And OMGEEEEE Psychos dad, he buys the best clothes? the best hos? please, even washed up as Bret is and even though he spent all the money from "the song" on multiple hair weaves(ie Dressy,casual,braided,sexual etc) he probably still has more money than Mr. I-am-too-old-to-wear-an-earing-and-i-have-a-toilet-cleaning-business-but-i-can-still-afford-my-own-trashy-ho-thats-the-same-age-as-my-daughter(and breathe)
14 of 19 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on September 21, 2007 12:00 PM
ChickBomb...Loved ALL the recaps!
I can't believe I love this show so much but I also watched all the Flavors of Love, Charm School, and I Love New York. VH1 has become the epitome of trash TV. Love it.
What the hell was up with Otis? Asking Bret if Lacey sucked his c**k!?! If he's known his daughter for thirty years so he knows everything about her, why would he have to ask? And why wouldn't Lacey have stopped him? If that were my dad, I would have kicked out myself. "I love you, dad, but if you're gonna ruin my chances of getting some good meals, a warm bed, and a ton of penicillin shots, then you gotta GO!"
I actually started to like Flasher. Her family is cool. Like I've said before, I like Jes best but Flasher would be the better fit.
I need a new show, PRONTO! Nothing with meaning, a message, or lessons to be learned. I want my brain barely using any neurons and a slight bit of slobber coming out the side of my mouth.
15 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on September 22, 2007 10:21 PM
Otis Conner has an imdb page and there's an article about his jingle/tv theme/production company business. Tvgasm doesn't allow URLs in the comments or I'd post them.
As for Flasher, I thought it was really stupid of her to complain that he was watching her tatters. For one thing, what would anyone expect a man to do when confronted with naked breastesses? For another, she's a STRIPPER, and she complains about people looking at her? Fruitcake.
16 of 19 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on September 23, 2007 9:27 AM
Awesome recaps, I wish you would have re-capped every episode. You have a real talent for both comedy and also recapping.
I hope that Lacey doesn't come back on a reunion show. I really can't stand her. I found myself just staring at her pierced lip. It was sort of hypnotizing!!! I bet that's why Bret kept her so long, her herpes laden lip hypnotized him and he couldn't look away...
Run Bret RUN AWAY FROM THE LIP!!!! Hopefully he'll know better than to look straight at it if he ever has to see her again.....
Otherwise, the follow-up special could be Bret getting therapy for letting the lip ruin his life.
Rehabbed from a lip that knows no boundaries, it lies, it grows and it can reduce rock stars to just a bit of hair and a bandanna.
17 of 19 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on September 23, 2007 4:10 PM
FYI- they had Rock Of Love 2 auditions here in Jacksonville last week. So there is a god answering our prayers. I wanted to go just to see what type of skanks showed up(I think Flasher might be from here originally)but there were torrential rains that night. These recaps are the best by the way. Best line ever:"I am a mid-forties man in a wig with a nutcase and a stripper fighting over me, he is so obviously thinking. I wrote The Song. How did it come to this? "
18 of 19 | Posted by ny2duval | Posted on September 23, 2007 9:03 PM
So who is the "rock star" in "Rock of Love 2"? It wouldn't be Bret again would it? I think Flasher is perfect for him and One S is too good for him. She should be with Daughtry or Chad Kroeger (both are taken, I know). I think Lacey is the biggest hypocrite - she goes off on Heather for disrespecting her family. "Have ya watched yourself in these shows loser? Nobody disrespects your family more than you do." I'm so glad she's gone.
19 of 19 | Posted by chopperchick65 | Posted on September 24, 2007 8:31 PM