And look! They've dusted off former Headbangers Ball host and professional hair metal hanger on and slut scrap hooverer, Rikki Rachtman! Well, he hasn't gotten any hotter. But he's got sort of a goofy energy, and at least they're sticking with the washed up 80's clique. You know I appreciate commitment to a theme.

Eddie Munster grew up to be one rockin' SOB.

He intros the girls who are sitting around at tables. Flasher Heather, Grandma Rodeo and Cool Sam are the crowd favorites. No one makes a fuss for Clown Whore Tiffany at all, even I forgot all about her. Big John's there too, and if you care about that, hit pause cause it's the last we see of him for the next hour.

Then it's time for Bret's intro. Rikki reminds us that Bret was very, very famous before Rock of Love, with fifteen chart busting top singles and twenty-five million records sold. Only about 4,832 in the in this millennium, but for all the times we heard Every Rose Has It's Thorn, this show had to have gotten it some action on iTunes.

Bret comes strutting out on stage with Poison music blaring and the smoke machine billowing around him. That was kind of neat. I'm pretty sure it was simply a contractual requirement of Bret's co-star, The Ego, and when he spreads his arms, raises his head and yells "Rock and roll!" to the ceiling of the taping studio, I'm convinced.

Could we get a better camera angle for The Ego? He's lookin' kind of ate up.

Rikki and Bret chat briefly, mostly about how Bret was already very, very famous before Rock of Love, but now he's more famous than ever! He asks Bret what was his secret, and Bret says, "let me say this, let me cut to the chase on that one..." Cut to the chase! I'm so thrilled we have a word cliché already! Bret's super dependable. He says the hos are what made the show. Awww, sweet. And true.

And first up for interview are the self-proclaimed "Barbie twins", Annoying Brandi C. and her sidekick Kristia. As you know, I had a nice long chat with Kristia last week, and I have to say, I'm disappointed. This is not the interesting and articulate girl I met. I get that they they're playing "characters", but they forget this is called reality. It's less "character", and more "version of yourself". So why show that version? Silly and annoying are never the flattering way to go.

And this is how Brandi got her eye poked out.

But anyway, the two dodos have made Like A Virgin looking wedding dresses in case Bret changes his mind. They're roommates now, took a trip cross-country together, and then they tell a really stupid story about one of them accidentally punching the other in their sleep. But they started it out with "we were sleeping in bed together" so I guess they figured it didn't matter what they said after that.

Still no?

Bret politely tells the Barbie Hos that he doesn't want to marry them, and then we move on everyone's favorite, Grandma Rodeo! We see a montage of Rodeo moments, and I really wish someone would give her her own show. Doesn't have to be VH1. I'm already obsessed with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders on CMT. Just drop her in there.

Rodeo's thrilled to be there and have another shot at completing her twenty year stalker mission, so she asks Bret for another chance. And when he starts in with the "you're an awesome human being", I know it's all over for Granny. But, she gets to plug her Grandma Rodeo organic BBQ sauce. Rikki is impressed that she has exited both gracefully, and with product placement.

Tastes like chicken.

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Posted in Rock of Love by ChickBomb at 2:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: Tristen on Oct 15, 2007 08:34 PM.