AND NEXT WEEK, WE'RE SENDING YOU ALL HOME
Say what you want about MTV, but there's no denying it is a network that listens to its audience. I lamented that 90 minutes was far too long of a running time for this over-produced open mike night, and MTV shortened it to a 60 minute program. I complained that I hated having to wait until the end of the show to find out who was being sent home, and this week MTV did the dirty deed in the middle of the show (ok, still not the beginning, but baby steps.) And finally, I whined that I didn't want this show sucking up any more of my life, and MTV mercifully decided to vote off two contestants this week to bring us even closer to the grand finale.
So thank you, MTV, for your improvements on Rock the Cradle.
And now that I've said my piece, let's get this over with.
It's become tradition that each show kicks off with a little glimpse of the backstage drama from the previous week's after party. And last week, our pal Jesse Blaze was, once again, annoying the crap out of everyone.
IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE BAD, IT'S JUST THAT I'M JESSE BLAZE!
This time, he was talking smack about A'Keiba, Hammer's daughter, who was just sent home. "She didn't have the best performance every show." But then Chloe interrupts with, "There's honesty and then there's just plain rudeness." And Lucy Walsh chimes in with, "Don't give your opinions unless we ask for them." This is good advice, but does anyone think he's going to follow it?
No, of course not. And I'm not going to follow it either.
In a misguided attempt to defend his actions, Jesse offers up, "I'm just trying to help her not be bad."
FINE. DON'T LISTEN. JUST GO AHEAD AND SUCK, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO.
Even Lil' B. Sure is taking the piss outta Jesse.
NO, BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE TRIED.
Before pressing on with the show, host Paulie Pinkberry clarifies that, no, judge Jamie King hasn't waxed his skull, this is actually a substitute judge named Brian. But the resemblance is uncanny, no?
And now it's time for the part of the show where we line everyone up and the host, Scooby Hotplate, calls them forward one by one and does his little "Will they stay or will they go?" dance.
Up first is Lara Johnston, aka Lil' Doobie.
Survey says: Stay!
This week, the contestants get to pick a song that they feel really represents them and their personal style. Lara's selected "Lady Marmalade." And as Lara's mom points out, "But, that's a song about being a prostitute."
"Ok, I can't relate to the theme of the song," Lara giggles. So did you get the point of this week's song choice, or...
I ALMOST WORE MY KITTEN SWEATER, BUT I THOUGHT THIS ONE WAS NEAT TOO
The thing about Lara is that when she performs, she dresses like a cougar on vacation in Atlantic City, but when she's just kicking around during her interviews, she looks like the unpopular girl at summer camp.
Stylist/judge June Ambrose didn't like either of Lara's two styles, and so before this week's episode she consulted with the teen queen to tell her how to dress young and hip.
And the result of this massive fashion overhaul: Short Shorts.
I SHAVED ABOVE MY KNEES FOR THIS
Is it just me, or do you think Lara's legs are a little kid-like? And by kid, I'm of course referring to a baby goat.
GITCHA GITCHA YA YA DA DA-A-A-A
Before Lara even opened her mouth to start belting out this song, I knew things were going to go wrong because she started off her performance on the stairs. And as I stated last week, stairs = bad scores. I don't know why, but it's true.
I PUT MY HAND ON MY HIP. JUST LIKE A REAL HOOKER!
And the stairs theory held up again this week, with Lara's scores raging from 5-7.5, and all of the judges agreeing that she had a nice voice, but no stage presence.
Up next is Crosby Loggins.
Survey says: Stay!
AND THEY SAY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. CHUMPS!
« Ciao, Roma! | | Real World Hollywood: Got Ghet-to? »
Comments (3)
This show is so incredibly terrible, I'm proud of you for watching all the way through.
My one comment, everytime I see Chloe she seems to be screaming internally, "seriously people, what do I have to do to be sent home? I'm terrible, and I HATE this show, don't make me sing again!!!"
1 of 3 | Posted by Inono | Posted on April 28, 2008 3:58 PM
scooby f'in hotplate.
it really doesn't get any better than that.
2 of 3 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on April 28, 2008 5:19 PM
How do you think will end up wining the show Jesse or Crosby?
3 of 3 | Posted by cradlewillrock | Posted on April 30, 2008 7:22 AM