I can only imagine what Dr. Evil would do with such a killing machine...
Anyway, I don't know if it's because of the weather (yes, we're having storms again) or my TiVo is throwing a hissy fit about having to watch this show twice a week, but for some reason, the sound is really off tonight. Ironically, I like it better this way. Especially when Zayra "performs."
Hey, does anyone know if Brooke is pregnant? Because I don't know how else to explain her outfit. It makes her boobs look droopy and her belly quite large. It's almost as if she's trying to hide a protruding starving African belly. Or maybe she's hiding an actual starving African. Enquiring minds want to know!
For only five pennies a day, you can feed a TV host.
Brooke introduces the 12 remaining rockers, saying they're "sitting together like they're crammed into coach class." Since when has Brooke ever flown coach? She then follows up with, "But only one of the rockers will be hitching a ride in a private jet with Supernova." Oh, I get it. Airplane humor. Okay, I got one. Ready? Northwest.
After a quick introduction of the band, it's time for the closest thing to a catchphrase Brooke has (apart from calling everyone a "rocker," that is): introducing her "good friend," TheDave. Wait a minute, she didn't introduce him as her "good friend"! I bet she's just sore because TheDave said her outfit was so ugly even he wouldn't wear it. Okay, he didn't really say that. Because as we all know, there isn't a woman's outfit ugly enough that TheDave wouldn't wear.
Last week, Jason played bass with Phil. This week, Gilby is going to jam on lead guitar with one of the rockers. Who will it be? You'll just have to watch and find out. Please let it be Zayra! Please let it be Zayra!
As we all know, Supernova has been in the studio working on their "sound." Earlier in the week, they took a break and visited the mansion to play some tracks for the contestants. Much bobbing of heads, snapping of fingers and clapping of hands ensues. And that's just for Jason's a cappella version of Frera Jaqua! Eh, if only he'd actually sung Frera Jaqua. Because truth be told, the tracks they played kinda sucked. Maybe the band should pick Zayra. At least having someone on stage shooting lasers out of her hands would take the attention off their music.
Evidently, I'm alone in my dislike, because the rockers all seem to love what they're hearing. I know, what are the odds? General consensus seems to be it sounds like top-down, cold beer, good times, classic rock and roll. Or, as I like to call it, Journey.
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.
Okay, it's not that bad. But I don't think it's something I'll be downloading off of iTunes anytime soon. Primarily because my iPod broke yet again. Thanks a lot, STEVE JOBS. I bet if we shaved his head, we'd find a tiny 666 tattooed on his scalp. Growing up, I always thought the Antichrist would be cool. But Steve Jobs is just a dick!
Anyway, the contestants all say they get what the band's all about now, and can't wait to put some words to the tracks. Come on, you can't tell me singing something to that is going to be more fun than covering "Sanitarium". Pussies.
Back in the club, Gilby tells the contestants it was great to hang out with them the other night, but now that they know the type of music the band will be playing, there's no more excuses for sucking. Unless your name is Zayra, in which case that's all the excuse you need.
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Comments (21)
Has anybody else noticed the resemblance between Phil and the Paul Rubens character in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie? It's been driving me crazy trying to think of who he looked like, but I think I figured it out last night.
1 of 21 | Posted by popqueen
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Posted on July 26, 2006 9:38 AM
Ok, reminder to self-do not read Rockstar recap before lunch. Not that a man in drag is disgusting, but a freakish, large-headed, and to quote copygodd, child-molester-looking guy in drag IS fairly disturbing.
Why does Tommy love Phil so much? Why does Ryan eye-fuck the camera so much, and how could anyone say his performance was good??
2 of 21 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on July 26, 2006 10:24 AM
Did you catch this - about 50 seconds into Dana's performance, they cut to a shot of Gilby. He's nodding and you can clearly read his lips as he says to Dave, "I'd fuck her."
3 of 21 | Posted by Bretley
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Posted on July 26, 2006 10:27 AM
Lukas did a really great job playing that guitar. And by "playing" I mean "merely holding it for the entire song."
4 of 21 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on July 26, 2006 10:38 AM
Wow. Dilana continues to blow me away. She makes the rest of the contestants look like little kids playing dress-up.
But my guess is that this band has too many old farts in it to choose a woman. Especially one with serious talent.
5 of 21 | Posted by Loo
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Posted on July 26, 2006 10:38 AM
I don't always catch this show, but here are my thoughts.
People who don't belong there at all: Dana (good singer, but despite last night, just isn't a fit, much too young and sweet; Zayra (straight up just not a very good singer); Patrice (dull as dishwater, not a fantastic singer); Ryan (really phony, not a great singer); Phil (wuss); Josh (great singer, wrong band, also I get him mixed up with Phil because I think they're both kind of wimpy.
People with a chance: Lukas (I know, the tooliest of tools, but so is the rest of Supernova, and at least the Oompa Loompa has some showmanship going on); Toby (not a bad singer, cute guy); Jill (good singer, decent performer, just needs to turn the sex down a notch); Dilana (she's just... wow, very appealing to watch and listen to); Storm (a little trashy, and not amazing on the vocals, but definitely a performer).
Magni might have been good, but I was too transfixed by his ears to pay attention.
Just my two cents.
6 of 21 | Posted by Samboomba
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Posted on July 26, 2006 11:22 AM
"Let's crank this up bitch"...Tommy Lee
Lukas and Dave - black nail polish to black nail polish...I just love male bonding.
Storm diving - the judges gave it a 8.5
Dilana is better than this band.
CG - the Flash Flood warning under the Z-freak's cooter was funny and little frightening~
hb
7 of 21 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on July 26, 2006 11:34 AM
Bwah! Didn't notice that, HoneyBunny.
8 of 21 | Posted by Samboomba
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Posted on July 26, 2006 11:44 AM
hb, i didn't notice that either. bwahahahahaha!!!!
9 of 21 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on July 26, 2006 11:54 AM
For some reason that I don't really understand, I think it's hilarious when you hobbitize Lukas!! I was laughing outloud for a couple of minutes.
And OMG! What is that last image of theDave?! It's "interesting."
Thanks for the great recap, copygodd!
10 of 21 | Posted by goodAg
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Posted on July 26, 2006 12:29 PM
I totally agree, hb. Dilana is by far the best and deserves to win, but at the same time, she's too good for this band. I'd love to see her come in 2nd, being passed over based on "personality" and "fit" instead of talent, and then get a better job out of this show.
11 of 21 | Posted by AbbyAnn
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Posted on July 26, 2006 1:00 PM
Oh, I thought the flash flood thing was totally intentional.
What I didn't notice, was Gilby saying "I'd fuck her". Right, off to youtube to hunt that baby down.
Great recap. Had me in stitches, mind you the source material is gold.
Didn't watch the last Rock Star, but it's hard to imagine INXS could be half as entertaining as Tommy Lee and his last two functioning brain cells.
12 of 21 | Posted by chronic
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Posted on July 26, 2006 1:20 PM
How *old* is this blogger? "I just wish someone would give her a good hosing down"--sounds like something my Granddad would say.
13 of 21 | Posted by Loo
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Posted on July 26, 2006 2:03 PM
hey, my grandpa used to say that too! actually, he carved it in hieroglyphics, but we knew what he meant.
if'n it makes any difference, i'm younger than gilby.
14 of 21 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on July 26, 2006 2:31 PM
Man, am I the only one who is strangely attracted to Lukas? He is exactly the type of guy I would have been dating in my 20's.
Short, heavy makeup, would treat me like crap - Ahhh, good times....
15 of 21 | Posted by whoadammit
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Posted on July 26, 2006 2:55 PM
whoadammit-you know what they say about short guys...or is that just my own personal experience? Of course he's on a show with Tommy Lee so the points aa little moot.
16 of 21 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on July 26, 2006 3:01 PM
Ooops, that's just supposed to be "a" little moot. Ha, little moot, kind of like Lukas. Ok, need to go home now.
17 of 21 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on July 26, 2006 3:03 PM
great recap cgodd! That pic of Phil as a bobblehead dog made me LOL! I am still baffled as to why Zayra remains on this show. She's absolutely horrible!!! Plus- she comes back to their critiques likes she thinks she's got it going on. I don't get it.
I love Dilana, and I think that Magni has the best voice of the guys left. Toby was weak in the low register last night and Lukas' mumbling through the lyrics still irritates the hell out of me. I just wish some of them would actually LISTEN to what the band has to say, since they are the ones to make the final decision. Lukas came back and did the SAME THING that Jason advised him NOT to do last week. Storm was great last night, but she looks like a singing porn star more than a rocker chick. She just needs to tone it down and sing!
18 of 21 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on July 26, 2006 7:50 PM
Bretly, great call on the Gilby comment. I went back and checked it, and you are right. It is hilarious how non-chalent he is when he says it.
19 of 21 | Posted by chief113
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Posted on July 27, 2006 4:03 AM
Has no one ever actually heard Dramarama's version of Anything, Anything?? I thought Storm murdered it. Maybe she hypnotized everyone with her bulging eyes.
Dilana on the other hand is a natural performer who doesn't have to put on a porn star persona to get attention.
20 of 21 | Posted by zander
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Posted on July 27, 2006 8:37 AM
this was a most excellent re-cap dear copygodd.
and, gilby clarke was hott in his day...but what's with the low hairline now? it looks like he has more hair now than he did in his g n r days???
21 of 21 | Posted by melina
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Posted on July 28, 2006 1:59 PM